Stations of the Cross and Paul

Lest you think I'm combining these two topics, I included both the Stations of the Cross and Paul in my title today because I want to address both of these separate and distinct topics.

This morning I went along as co-teacher on a field trip with our 5th/6th grade RE class to an outdoor retreat center at a Catholic church so that we could walk the Stations of the Cross. (FYI, the Stations of the Cross is a 14-stop walk that symbolizes the walk that Jesus made through Jerusalem on Good Friday on his way to his execution.) We took 8 of our young people and 6 adults. Of course, we framed it all in our UU perspective, but I have to say it is one of the few experiences that I've had at the UU church which really struck me to the core. Most of what I do at the UU church feels so spiritually dry and empty that this was an amazing and blessed departure. I love having Jesus as part of my church experience, which at the UU church is rare. After all, it *is* Palm Sunday.

Then this afternoon was the monthly meeting of my UU Christian Circle. Our discussion topic for the day was Paul. I have to say that I haven't been a fan a Paul. I have attributed much of what I feel is wrong with the modern Christian church to Paul. Our discussion today (based on the Living the Questions curriculum developed by the United Methodist Church) has caused me to rethink Paul and makes me want to go back and reread the Pauline parts of the New Testament. What I learned was two earth-shattering and important things.

First, of the 13 letters often attributed to Paul, scholars only think 7 were actually written by Paul himself. The other 6 are believed to have been written later by followers of Paul who adapted his message to soften Paul's message of radical grace. So it is possible that the misogynist and homophobic statements attributed to Paul may actually have come from his followers who were trying to make Paul's teachings fit in a patriarchal, conservative society.

The second thing I learned was about the mistranslation of the word Pistis from the original text. This word was translated originally as "faith in" as in having "faith in Jesus" being the key to salvation. But in reality the closer translation would have been "faithfulness of". So the key to salvation was in believing in the "faithfulness of Jesus". If the scriptures had been translated that way all along, the emphasis would have been in following the teachings of Jesus rather than worshiping and deifying the man. Christianity and the western world would have been a totally different thing if not for that one mistranslation.

I must reread the New Testament...

Metaphorical thinking

My UU Christian Circle is using a progressive Christian curriculum called Living the Questions to guide our discussions each month. It is a set of DVD's with several people of note (including John Shelby Spong and Marcus Borg to name just two) who have much to say about finding a place in Christianity for those of us who question dogma and doctrine but long for the message.

Yesterday we had a discussion about thinking literally/critically (the need to determine the factual historical accuracy of a story) versus finding the truth of the story thru metaphor. It seems that all of the women in our group have moved beyond the need to "prove it" and into the acceptance of the truth of the metaphors. It is like passing through a set of large doors that opens you up to a whole new spirituality.

There was a time in my life that I was very much into the critical stage of thinking and, as a result, I totally rejected Christianity. There cannot be a man in the sky watching us, virgin births are impossible, people don't rise from the dead, etc. It wasn't until I was 36 years old that I was able to see past all that and realize that those stories and ideas do hold truth in the metaphoric sense. As soon as I realized that, I wanted to go back and reread the bible and see all of those stories through a new lens. Once I did that it really was as if I was "born again".

I am often frustrated that my two older sons have trouble with my new relationship with God and Christianity. But then after our UU Christian Circle discussion yesterday, I realized that they are both still stuck in the literal stage of looking at things. They don't think a person can walk on water so Mom must be crazy to buy into all of that. To them, there is no other way of seeing things. I need to be patient, expose them to different ways of understanding the story, and let God do his/her work with them.

The Faith Club

I just finished the most amazing book. The book, The Faith Club: A Muslim, A Christian, A Jew - Three Women Search for Understanding by Ranya Idliby, Suzanne Oliver, and Priscilla Warner, is a collaborative non-fiction book that these three women wrote about their experience forming an interfaith discussion group. I have to say it is one of the best books I've read recently and I was brought to tears more than once while reading it. It reminded me a lot of my own UU Christian Circle group. Anyone on a spiritual journey (and aren't we all, really?) would do well to read it. I picked mine up at the local public library. They also have a website that you can check out which includes information about how to start your own Faith Club. Their website is www.thefaithclub.com.

Love it!

Ministry of friendship

I've been trying to figure out what exactly it is about friendship that can lift us up out of the dark and murky low times of our lives. It seems magical because it isn't, I think, intentional or deliberate in any way. It can just appear out of nowhere just when we need it. Or maybe it is a holy gift...

As you know, I've been going through a dark spell lately. It feels like I imagine quicksand would be because it is so difficult to climb out of. But the one thing that has helped me the most is friendship.

I'm a band mom who chaperones marching band trips every Saturday. (BTW, our band took first place last week!) Anyway, I am making new friends with other band moms and they have welcomed me into their group. We went through all the motions of getting to know each other better including chatting, laughing, commisserating, etc. And the warmth I felt from their welcome lifted my heart and almost made me forget about the other parts of my life.

And then Sunday afternoon I met with my UU Christian Circle. I was so down and worried about spending the gas money that I almost didn't go. But my friends talked me into it. It ended up being another blessing. I was hosting a talk on the various versions of the Lord's Prayer and I had to admit that my heart just wasn't into it. That academic discussion just wasn't fulfilling me. But then we spent a lot of time talking about everyone's lives. Two of us in particular are going through a rough spell. Everyone rallied around us and buoyed us up so that we could go out into the world and face our lives again. Just knowing that those people care about me and support me no matter what I'm going through is worth more than anything else someone could offer me right now. Okay, a job would be nice. But I wouldn't trade my friendships even for a job.

Thank you, God, for bringing these special people into my life.

So I went to church...

I decided to go to my UU church after all. The main reason I went was that my UU Christian Circle was meeting in the afternoon at the home of a friend who lives near the church.

The service was okay. It was about our minister's trip earlier in the summer to Turkey as part of an interfaith alliance formed to build bridges and foster peace. It was kind of interesting to hear about that. The best part of the service, for me, was the choice of hymns. We sang some of my favorites: Enter, Rejoice and Come In, Come, Come, Whoever You Are, and This is My Song (the last of these, I think is also called Finlandia, and is a song about how people in other countries are people just like we are and have hopes and dreams and joys just as we do). It makes me tear up every time we sing it.

Music seems to be a key for me. One of the most moving moments of the day was when I was driving on my way to church and listening to my Celtic Woman CD. Now, these women are not what I'd consider a religious group at all, although I've noticed several of their songs seem to have a spiritual message. One of my favorite songs is called The Prayer. Here are the lyrics:

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Remind us where you are

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Needs to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Need to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

I love that song and have to sing along each time it comes on. Yesterday the one that moved me to tears was Mo Ghile Mear. A lot of the lyrics are in celtic so I don't understand them. The rest of the song seems to be a love song, but as I listened to the words I thought of singing them to God and was moved. Here are some of the words:

Can you feel the river run?
Waves are dancing to the sun
Take the tide and face the sea
And find a way to follow me

Leave the field and leave the fire
And find the flame of your desire
Set your heart on this far shore
And sing your dream to me once more

(and then later)

Now the time has come to leave
Keep the flame and still believe
Know that love will shine through darkness
One bright star to light the wave

(and finally)

Lift your voice and raise the sail
Know that love will never fail
Know that I will sing to you
Each night as I dream of you

I think you have to hear the musical accompaniment to really get it, but it was very emotionally moving. I arrived at church and had to fix my make up in the van's mirror before going in because my tears had messed it all up.

(Today is our last full day of summer as I have a teacher meeting tomorrow and then school starts on Wednesday. I'm taking the boys to the pool for one last time. Sometime, hopefully later today, I'll post about our UU Christian Circle meeting.)

To go to church or not to go to church, that is the question

I've been debating all evening whether to go to church tomorrow. And if I do go, where do I go? I'm really feeling a pull to go. I need me some spirituality right now. But the scheduled topic for the service at my UU church isn't warming my cockles (yawn).

I considered going to the local United Methodist church. I've gone there a couple of times, it is the most liberal church only 10 minutes away (which, granted, isn't saying much), and I know lots of people who go there. It wouldn't be awful.

Or I could drive way up to that UCC church I attended a couple of years ago. I really liked it there. If only it wasn't a 40 minute drive away to a place where I don't know anyone...

So maybe I'll go to my UU church. At least I know lots of people there. Our Christian Circle is meeting at 1:30 at someone's house just 10 minutes away from the church. I could take a lunch and eat in the church's Peace Garden.

We have decided we will *really* make an effort to go to church starting with this year's Water Ceremony. I need to be drawn back into the fold. I only wish it wasn't so hard to convince myself to go.

How was your summer?

I can't believe it is here already - the last weekend of summer. We start back to school next week. Today I have to take Little J by the high school to pick up his new schedule for this year. Then I have to take all the boys to Target to shop for school supplies. This year all 3 boys will be in school as D is starting kindergarten. Woo hoo!

Earlier this week I took D to a kindergarten orientation program at his school and while there I ran into several teachers who are setting up their classrooms and preparing the first couple of weeks of lessons. Everyone asks the standard question: How was your summer? The standard answer: Too short.

I was thinking about the longer, more truthful answer to that question. How was my summer?

Well, the first part was miserable. After about two weeks of vacation I was climbing the walls. I was stuck here in the house most days and because I don't work in the summer, money was tighter than tight. I did manage to take the boys to the pool a few times and we did some little things, but it was very much a dry spell. I stopped going to church because most of the services were lay-led which (sorry to be honest) usually don't do much for me and I often feel that it isn't worth the gas money to drive 35 minutes to church and 35 minutes home again. And my UU Christian Circle was not able to meet this summer. I felt so isolated that I really could have used a couple of meetings to connect with people. I felt like I spent the first 6 weeks or so of summer standing at the door with a broom in my hand beating back the demon of "depression" who refused to leave my house.

Then by mid-July things took a turn. I became incredibly busy. Even though we really didn't have the money (a recipe for stress, by the way) we went on our vacation to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Pigeon Forge, TN, and Gatlinburg, TN. We were there for 5 days and even though we didn't have much money to spend, we had a great time. We spend so much time going through the everyday rat race of work and school routines that we sometimes lose sight of simply living our lives. Taking a vacation - even a cheap, small-scale one - reminds us of the things that are really important.

Well, we came home from vacation in time for my brother's housewarming party. He and his wife just moved into a new-to-them house with their two kids so they invited all their friends and family to celebrate. It was a great time, a great house, and a rare opportunity to connect with other people.

Between vacation and the housewarming party, there was barely enough time to get the laundry all caught up before band camp week. Little J had band camp all day every day at the high school. I also had band camp as one of the "band moms" in charge of feeding the kids. I did it as a volunteer and got absolutely nothing monetarily out of it, but I did it to be more involved. I have to say it was, maybe, the best time I had all summer. It became less about the band and the kids and more about me having fun playing and making friends with other moms and dads. Most of the time we were there, the band was either outside practicing or somewhere else in the high school practicing music. I spent most of my time with the other parents either preparing the food or decorating. At the end of the week we even had an ice fight where we chased each other around with ice. We acted silly and laughed, we got excited about the decorations and music. We wore silly pirate costumes one day and bikini t-shirts another. We had fun. I was actually sad to see the week end even though it was totally exhausting. There is always next year.

Then as soon as band camp week was over, we had our annual local town fair complete with parade (in which the band marched) and a 3-day carnival at the town park. I volunteered to work in one of the tents sponsored by the band parents' association. This time I got credit for my work that will help defray the cost of Little J's band fees. But I also had a lot of fun. In addition to hanging out with the band parents again, I was in a location where I saw all kinds of people I know as they walked past our tent.

As the fair came to a close, I was left with exactly a week before school starts. Time to stock up on pencils and notebooks and practice going to bed earlier again. My job search has once again reared its head and it looks like I will be subbing again this year as I was not lucky enough to nab a real position yet. But I am trying not to let it get me down and to stay positive for the future.

So how was my summer? It was a summer of extremes. The first part of the summer was terribly isolating and lonely. The second part of the summer was frantically busy, but full of connections that fed my soul. I can learn from this and remember it next summer when I'm faced with 2 1/2 months of isolation. In May when school ends, I need a couple of weeks to relax and unwind. But by mid-June I need to find ways to get out there and be with people. Late summer is easy because there is always the band and fair stuff. I have to figure out something to occupy my time from mid-June to mid-July. I'll take this memory with me into the new year.

And I'll still tell people my standard answer: "Summer was too short."

UU Christian practice

In addition to the comments I've had posted here (thanks!) I've noticed a few people have also posted their thoughts about the practice of UU Christianity on their own blogs. Check out what Peacebang, Jamie Goodwin at Trivium, and Scott Wells at Boy in the Bands have to say about it.

I am making a master list to take with me to my meeting this coming Sunday. We have lots to talk about. Thank you to everyone who has spoken up so far and keep those comments coming!

Calling all UU Christians

Last night I had a long conversation with one of the members of our UU Christian Circle. We weren't able to meet this summer because of scheduling conflicts, but we are meeting again on Sunday, August 12. That meeting is going to be a discussion of "where are we now and where are we going".

In addition to being a member of our circle, she is also our DRE so she was at GA in June. She attended a couple of the UUCF discussions for (I think) the first time and discovered the concept of the Emergent Church. She noticed that much of the UUCF discussion was different from what we had been doing. I'm not sure exactly what she meant by that, but my guess was that we have been more of a study group (with the feel of a book discussion group, frankly) rather than a worship group. However, our group is growing in size and evolving spirituality so we are kind of all over the place. We need to discuss where each of us is coming from and what we want to get out of the group. We are also going to discuss more of the format of our gatherings. We want to come up with some kind of vision for the future of our group.

We are not seeking to strike out on our own and form our own church so it isn't like a "house church" in that sense (if I am understanding that correctly). We are more of a small group within our UU church. For the past year or so we have met once a month in each other's homes. There are 4 members, but at least two other people are interested in joining. Many of us want to learn how it is possible to be a UU and a Christian (or even just a liberal Christian period). Some may consider themselves Christians while others are just curious and want to learn more.

We have discussed the two aspects of being liberally religious (thinking vs. feeling). In our UU church (as perhaps in others) a tendency toward "thinking" predominates while it seems most of our members shy away from (or don't trust) feelings. We are very cerebral. I think within our Christianity Circle, we want to achieve more balance between thinking and feeling. It is my opinion that we need to bring in more worship elements to inspire feeling and to balance out the thinking aspect that makes it sometimes feel like a book club.

Anyway, I'm calling on other UU Christian's out there for some input. How does your group (or ones you know of) practice? Do you have small worship services? Rituals? Bible study or study of other religious books? Music? I am really interested to know how other people, particularly those affiliated with the UUCF, practice Christianity. Any and all comments are welcome.

Do I belong in this church?

Back when I was talking about GA, I mentioned in my post entitled Simmered-down GA thoughts that I'd been questioning my own identity as a UU. I thought I'd talk about that today.

It's hard for me to verbalize exactly where my discomfort originates. Am I having trouble relating to the general concept of UUism? I don't think so, at least not on an intellectual level. Am I having trouble relating to my specific church? Possibly. Am I having so many general problems and disappointments with life right now that it is blurrying the focus for me so that I don't know where the unhappiness is coming from, I just know that it is? Very likely.

I don't think my major problem is with UUism itself. I am now, more than ever, right on board with the Seven UU Principles and can't imagining following a faith that doesn't embrace them. However, I am also a UU Christian and sometimes find myself not exactly fitting in for that reason. I do think that the online community I've discovered through blogging and through the UUCF email list has gone a long way toward showing me that there is a place for UU Christians within the UUA.

I often find myself frustrated with my own congregation. While we espouse the values of acceptance of all paths, I have to admit there isn't a very visible presence of UU Christians within our congregation. These days we are dominated by the older "founders" of our church (from the 1960's) who are generally Humanists and the new-age pagans (we have a newish CUUPS chapter which is taking off and growing at a surprising rate). I have no problem with either group and I'm happy that they are both such thriving communities. However, as a UU Christian, I am often uncomfortable there. Three friends and I have formed a UU Christian Circle and we meet in each other's homes once a month, but the congregation does not know about it. We have not advertised it. I admit that that makes me feel a little bit ashamed and fearful and I don't like that. I am not a big fan of evangelism (which is one of the things keeping me from switching to a mainline Christian church), but I do believe in what is written: "Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." (Mt 5:15) I don't want to convert people, but I would like to stand as a witness for liberal Christianity. I see this as an opportunity to show those UU's who've been hurt by traditional Christianity that following Jesus can still be a path of love rather than one of judgment and close-mindedness. I wear my celtic cross necklace to church every time I go. I want to teach by example. But still, I am frustrated by our group's sense of secrecy. I know the names of two other people who are interested in our UU Christian Circle. There may be others who would be interested if they knew we existed. But there are members of our circle who are afraid of "coming out" to the congregation. I don't blame them, but it frustrates me.

Of course, there is also the possibility that my discomfort has nothing to do with the church, but is instead just overflow from my discomfort with life in general. There are a lot of things going on in my life that leave me feeling depressed much of the time. While I think church ought to be a strength during those times, for me it just feels like part of the problem. Yesterday I helped to teach the children's RE class. At our church, the children begin the morning for the first 15 minutes or so in with the congregation until they are released to go to their classes. During that 15 minutes, I just felt like I was in a bubble. I felt almost no connection to the rest of the congregation. It left me feeling very empty and sad. Now, working with the children was much better and that was enjoyable. But I wish I felt more connected with the adults.

At the end of the day, however, there was a bright moment. As we were cleaning up and preparing to go, the woman with whom I was teaching and I had a long and lovely conversation. We've worked together and known each other for years, but this was a more personal conversation than we've ever had. We both shared difficulties we are having in our lives right now and we were able to connect and commisserate. Just when I was feeling disconnected from this congregation, it was almost as if God was speaking to me through this woman reminding me that there are people out there with whom I can connect and that I shouldn't give up hope.

That time of the year

It's that time of the year again. Summer is always the most difficult time of the year for me. I know it, I try to avoid it, but it gets me every year. Depression. I realize that I rely too heavily on external validation. Intellectually I know that and I know that I shouldn't, but in those isolated days of summer it hits me like a ton of bricks. During the school year I interact with dozens of adults and kids every day who let me know that my presence in their lives matters. But come the end of May all that stops.

For 2 1/2 months I am at home with very little interaction with anyone besides my own immediate family. And while I love them, to them I am invisible. As long as dinner is on the table and clothes are washed, they couldn't really care less about what is going on with me.

Of course, this is the time of year when the UU church (in my opinion) falls apart. The minister is gone for weeks on end, the congregation is busy jet setting off to this vacation location or the other (sometimes it really irks me to belong to a wealthy congregation and to be one of the poorest people there), and general attendance is just low. And again, I'm invisible. I can go for weeks without attending church and no one really seems to notice unless they need something from me (like to teach RE). And this year our newly-formed UU Christian Circle is having to take a 3-month hiatus because of scheduling difficulties. If ever there was a time when I needed a close spiritual group it is now! UGH!

AAGH. It's just so frustrating. I just wish I had a little bit of money to go somewhere and do something. But I don't. And with the price of gasoline these days, I find myself freaking out over running the smallest of errands. Blah.

Sorry to vent there. I'm just feeling a little frustrated and isolated.

UU Christian small group

Today was the monthly meeting of our UU Christian circle. I love this group more and more each month. It is so spiritually and emotionally fulfilling. It is so important to each of us that except for the death of the father of one member, none of us has ever missed a meeting. We move heaven and earth to be together each month.

The meeting today came after a 2 1/2 hour semi-annual congregational meeting wherein we had to approve the upcoming year's annual budget and make some big amendments. It was very long and tension-filled but the budget passed in the way that we wanted it to and that made us happy. But we couldn't deny that the politics left a bad taste in our mouths. It feels disappointing when fellow church members can't agree on issues that some of us feel ought to be givens.

I mention all that only to frame our states of mind before today's Christian circle. We had a new person join us today and she and another member of the circle aren't members of our church so we had to fill them in on what we'd just left. In a way it was good because we all affirmed that we really needed each other. Sometimes you need to reach out to that small circle of friends who you trust with your spirituality and we needed to reach out to each other.

Two ladies told us about Healing Touch which is basically a spiritual experience, an act of prayer, if you will, in which one or two people pray and move their hands over your body to help release the bad energy that may be trapped there. It could sound either like a fundamentalist laying on of hands (as in casting out demons). Or it could sound like some new age hippie dippie kind of thing. I really don't think it was like either of those. It was about people loving and caring for each other, sending positive thoughts out into the universe on that person's behalf, helping them relax, and spending 20 minutes focusing totally on them. It is such a loving and giving thing. Two of us each had a treatment and I have to say that afterward I felt closer to these women who are already my friends. It is a very intimate experience. There is so much isolation in our daily lives, that this act of connecting with people we care about and who care about us was so extremely spiritually moving. I feel like I've had my spiritual battery charged and I'm ready to head into the new week recharged.

Thanks a lot, Eve!

Yesterday afternoon was the monthly meeting of our UU Christian Circle. This was our third meeting. We've been taking turns meeting at someone's home and we take turns coming up with the topic for discussion. We aren't very rigid in our planning. The person leading the discussion usually comes with a particular topic in mind and brings along some readings to share. Then we discuss while sitting around sipping coffee and a light snack. Yesterday, we had a good discussion on the general topic, but then our discussion sort of meandered all over the place.

The focus topic this time was original sin and the whole idea that women have been saddled with the blame (and accompanying guilt) and second-class citizenship because of the whole concept of the fall from the garden of Eden. First, the leader brought up the two different creation stories. The first (Genesis 1:26-27) sets men and women up as fairly equal whereas the second (Genesis 2:5-24) creates man first and then, secondly woman is created to keep man company. She also shared with us the Jewish midrash of Lilith. Supposedly the legend of Lilith was created to explain the difference between the first creation story and the second. Lilith was the first woman, but she wouldn't be subordinate to Adam. So she was sent off and Eve was created to be Adam's subordinate companion. Of course, Eve went on to break the rules and get us all banished from paradise while Lilith is reported to have gone off and spawned with demons. We women have gotten a bad rap from the beginning. ;-)

One issue we were discussing was what Unitarians and Universalists think about the concept of sin. By that we didn't so much mean "Unitarian Universalists" who probably have largely done away with the idea of sin anyway. We were thinking more of our traditions' ancestors. How did those liberal Christians understand sin? I shared my understanding of sin being a separation from God due to not following the direction God would want us to follow. They mentioned the (Greek?) definition of sin as "missing the mark". We discussed the belief that God doesn't intercede in daily life, but is there urging us to do the right thing. It is all a matter of us being willing and able to "listen" to those urgings and do the right thing. I think we generally accepted the idea that sinning results from not "listening" to God, but being separated from God in the sense that we aren't doing what God would urge. We're missing the mark.

I don't remember exactly how we veered into this, but we also had a good discussion about UU hymns. I think we were discussing how some hymns have been changed to be gender-neutral. I stepped out on a limb and mentioned how disappointing it is to be at a UU Christmas Eve service and hear these beloved old Christmas carols changed to be more PC. I don't like it and I think it is inappropriate. I think it disrespects the creator of the hymn. Another member felt similarly to me and brought up the fact that we are much more likely to rewrite Christian hymns than Jewish or Pagan songs. This led to a discussion of how various religious traditions are treated within UUism and how criticism of things associated with Christianity is much more likely to occur than criticism of other traditions. Yes, it speaks to a history of injuries, but I find it offensive and I am not alone in that. I also complained that in the last couple of years our UU church's Easter service has become little more than a service from any other Sunday. As a UU Christian, that bothers me. I've gone to other Christian churches for those services but I am always left feeling sad because the meaning, for me, in communion is sharing it with my community. The rebirth of hope is something I wish I could share with my home community and it makes me sad that I don't feel I can.

The fact is that certain aspects of Christianity (not the least of which is its patriarchy) have wounded people in the past. Where I live that is what has led a lot of people to the UU church. But I think it is possible that we hold onto the pain and let it guide us through hatred and intolerance refusing to "get over it" or even getting angry at the suggestion that we "get over it". But we can *forgive* those imperfect humans who've hurt us and choose to let it go and live in today, let go of the past, and make a better choice for the future. I keep seeing people choosing to hold onto old grudges. That cannot or will not let the hurt go to make room for a more loving way of being in the world. Maybe those who are hurting hold onto the notion that forgiving sends the message that what has been done is okay. But the irony of this attitude is that it only prolongs the pain of the sufferer. You are suffering...those who you feel hurt you don't suffer. You cannot change what has already happened. You have the choice to say it is wrong, to let it go, and to decide to live a more positive loving Christianity and put that out into the world. The Christianity of the future doesn't have to be the same as the past. It is only in choosing to hold onto the past that we allow that to happen. Of course, we may not be able to turn the hearts of all Christians, some of whom don't have a problem with its negative past. But we each have the power to make changes in our own little worlds. We just have to decide to do it.

Forgetting your password

Ah, a word of advice. Don't take a very long break from blogging...you may forget your password. I have been busy during the fall semester (what with working, shuttling kids back and forth from marching band practices and performances, scout meetings and events, church events, and now wrestling practices). Plus our entire family of 5 people is now down to 1 computer. Needless to say, computer time is at a premium around here and there is a lot of competition. I didn't have time to blog. Unfortunately, when I sat down yesterday and decided to resume blogging, I realized I couldn't remember my password (or username either for that matter). But after 24 hours or so, it has come back to me. Whew!

Anyway, the main reason for me wanting to revitalize this blog, is our brand spankin' new UU Christian Circle. Three of us from church (plus one expatriate) have formed a group that we are calling our "UU Christian Circle". We meet once a month in one of our homes for fellowship and discussion of Christianity. We each have found something in Christianity that means something to us beyond what we find in the UU church and (undoubtedly) what one would find in a mainstream Christian church.

This month we discussed faith. We had some readings about faith and then we each talked about what faith means to us. It was a wonderful and enlightening discussion which included ideas such as the difference between Faith (as a noun) and faith (as a verb). We discussed how we can live faith in our daily lives. A couple of us have been going through some very difficult times lately and we discussed how faith has played a part in that process of coping and healing.

I realize I'm just skimming over the surface and leaving out the meat of the issue, but this all happened a while ago and isn't as fresh in my mind as it was at the time. Plus, our faith discussion was very much interwoven with personal stories of recent divorce and lost jobs, neither of which am I comfortable disclosing publicly.

The final thing we seemed to come away with is that we have to have faith that all will be okay. We have to be able to step out of that spaceship into the unknown (as in the Major Tom song mentioned by one of our members) or to "step out of our comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown, where Jesus is...and he's holding out his hand" (as in Casting Crown's song The Voice of Truth). That faith helps us face what might otherwise be considered impossible.

A small group of friends...

I am so excited. Yesterday afternoon I went to the house of friends from church. Actually, they have recently stopped attending our UU church after 16 years. After I heard her story about why she left, I don't blame her. It does help me to understand the train wreck that has become our church lately and I feel more depressed than ever about the chances that this thing will get better before it gets worse. :-( Maybe I'll devote another post to this topic one of these days.

In the meantime, I am happy that she decided to start up a discussion group. When she called me about it, she described it as a discussion about Early Christianity (pre-Gospels). Besides the host, her husband, and myself, there was another couple from church as well as another woman and a third couple, all three of which attend the two local UU churches sporadically, but don't (I think) consider themselves UU's (yet).

It wasn't a real focused discussion. I had brought along The Secret Message of Jesus by McLaren which I recently finished as well as The Gospel of Jesus by James Robinson which I am currently reading. That started a discussion of books we've read and the messages of each. It was interesting to see the variety of ideas of what *exactly* was Jesus' message. In the end we came up with a long reading list for those of us who get into that sort of thing (which, of course, as UU's we do).

We also had a discussion about the problems of UUism as a denomination. One woman just recently returned from a retreat at Star Island where she said there was lots of discussion about how to hold this thing (i.e. UUism) together. So we spoke in general terms and then we also talked about specific problems within our church. And a couple of us brought up the differences that we've perceived between East Coast UU churches vs. UU churches here in the midwest (that being that here in the midwest, UU churches serve as havens to those burned by conservative Christianity so to proclaim any interest in Christianity is a bad thing whereas on the East Coast - generally a more liberal environment overall - you don't have that "haven" influence).

Lots of good discussion and food (of course). We were trying to think of a name for ourselves. Someone suggested Heretics for Jesus ;-) but the woman who was hosting vetoed the word Heretic. So we're still thinking. It looks like we'll be meeting every once in a while. Yippee!!