Do I belong in this church?
Back when I was talking about GA, I mentioned in my post entitled Simmered-down GA thoughts that I'd been questioning my own identity as a UU. I thought I'd talk about that today.
It's hard for me to verbalize exactly where my discomfort originates. Am I having trouble relating to the general concept of UUism? I don't think so, at least not on an intellectual level. Am I having trouble relating to my specific church? Possibly. Am I having so many general problems and disappointments with life right now that it is blurrying the focus for me so that I don't know where the unhappiness is coming from, I just know that it is? Very likely.
I don't think my major problem is with UUism itself. I am now, more than ever, right on board with the Seven UU Principles and can't imagining following a faith that doesn't embrace them. However, I am also a UU Christian and sometimes find myself not exactly fitting in for that reason. I do think that the online community I've discovered through blogging and through the UUCF email list has gone a long way toward showing me that there is a place for UU Christians within the UUA.
I often find myself frustrated with my own congregation. While we espouse the values of acceptance of all paths, I have to admit there isn't a very visible presence of UU Christians within our congregation. These days we are dominated by the older "founders" of our church (from the 1960's) who are generally Humanists and the new-age pagans (we have a newish CUUPS chapter which is taking off and growing at a surprising rate). I have no problem with either group and I'm happy that they are both such thriving communities. However, as a UU Christian, I am often uncomfortable there. Three friends and I have formed a UU Christian Circle and we meet in each other's homes once a month, but the congregation does not know about it. We have not advertised it. I admit that that makes me feel a little bit ashamed and fearful and I don't like that. I am not a big fan of evangelism (which is one of the things keeping me from switching to a mainline Christian church), but I do believe in what is written: "Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." (Mt 5:15) I don't want to convert people, but I would like to stand as a witness for liberal Christianity. I see this as an opportunity to show those UU's who've been hurt by traditional Christianity that following Jesus can still be a path of love rather than one of judgment and close-mindedness. I wear my celtic cross necklace to church every time I go. I want to teach by example. But still, I am frustrated by our group's sense of secrecy. I know the names of two other people who are interested in our UU Christian Circle. There may be others who would be interested if they knew we existed. But there are members of our circle who are afraid of "coming out" to the congregation. I don't blame them, but it frustrates me.
Of course, there is also the possibility that my discomfort has nothing to do with the church, but is instead just overflow from my discomfort with life in general. There are a lot of things going on in my life that leave me feeling depressed much of the time. While I think church ought to be a strength during those times, for me it just feels like part of the problem. Yesterday I helped to teach the children's RE class. At our church, the children begin the morning for the first 15 minutes or so in with the congregation until they are released to go to their classes. During that 15 minutes, I just felt like I was in a bubble. I felt almost no connection to the rest of the congregation. It left me feeling very empty and sad. Now, working with the children was much better and that was enjoyable. But I wish I felt more connected with the adults.
At the end of the day, however, there was a bright moment. As we were cleaning up and preparing to go, the woman with whom I was teaching and I had a long and lovely conversation. We've worked together and known each other for years, but this was a more personal conversation than we've ever had. We both shared difficulties we are having in our lives right now and we were able to connect and commisserate. Just when I was feeling disconnected from this congregation, it was almost as if God was speaking to me through this woman reminding me that there are people out there with whom I can connect and that I shouldn't give up hope.
It's hard for me to verbalize exactly where my discomfort originates. Am I having trouble relating to the general concept of UUism? I don't think so, at least not on an intellectual level. Am I having trouble relating to my specific church? Possibly. Am I having so many general problems and disappointments with life right now that it is blurrying the focus for me so that I don't know where the unhappiness is coming from, I just know that it is? Very likely.
I don't think my major problem is with UUism itself. I am now, more than ever, right on board with the Seven UU Principles and can't imagining following a faith that doesn't embrace them. However, I am also a UU Christian and sometimes find myself not exactly fitting in for that reason. I do think that the online community I've discovered through blogging and through the UUCF email list has gone a long way toward showing me that there is a place for UU Christians within the UUA.
I often find myself frustrated with my own congregation. While we espouse the values of acceptance of all paths, I have to admit there isn't a very visible presence of UU Christians within our congregation. These days we are dominated by the older "founders" of our church (from the 1960's) who are generally Humanists and the new-age pagans (we have a newish CUUPS chapter which is taking off and growing at a surprising rate). I have no problem with either group and I'm happy that they are both such thriving communities. However, as a UU Christian, I am often uncomfortable there. Three friends and I have formed a UU Christian Circle and we meet in each other's homes once a month, but the congregation does not know about it. We have not advertised it. I admit that that makes me feel a little bit ashamed and fearful and I don't like that. I am not a big fan of evangelism (which is one of the things keeping me from switching to a mainline Christian church), but I do believe in what is written: "Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." (Mt 5:15) I don't want to convert people, but I would like to stand as a witness for liberal Christianity. I see this as an opportunity to show those UU's who've been hurt by traditional Christianity that following Jesus can still be a path of love rather than one of judgment and close-mindedness. I wear my celtic cross necklace to church every time I go. I want to teach by example. But still, I am frustrated by our group's sense of secrecy. I know the names of two other people who are interested in our UU Christian Circle. There may be others who would be interested if they knew we existed. But there are members of our circle who are afraid of "coming out" to the congregation. I don't blame them, but it frustrates me.
Of course, there is also the possibility that my discomfort has nothing to do with the church, but is instead just overflow from my discomfort with life in general. There are a lot of things going on in my life that leave me feeling depressed much of the time. While I think church ought to be a strength during those times, for me it just feels like part of the problem. Yesterday I helped to teach the children's RE class. At our church, the children begin the morning for the first 15 minutes or so in with the congregation until they are released to go to their classes. During that 15 minutes, I just felt like I was in a bubble. I felt almost no connection to the rest of the congregation. It left me feeling very empty and sad. Now, working with the children was much better and that was enjoyable. But I wish I felt more connected with the adults.
At the end of the day, however, there was a bright moment. As we were cleaning up and preparing to go, the woman with whom I was teaching and I had a long and lovely conversation. We've worked together and known each other for years, but this was a more personal conversation than we've ever had. We both shared difficulties we are having in our lives right now and we were able to connect and commisserate. Just when I was feeling disconnected from this congregation, it was almost as if God was speaking to me through this woman reminding me that there are people out there with whom I can connect and that I shouldn't give up hope.
Labels: Church Relations, Identity, UU Christian Circle, UUism
posted by Mama G @ 8:01 AM
6 Comments:
At 9:36 AM,
Lilylou said…
You're in a hard place, Mama G, and I sympathize. I can also empathize, having been there in the past myself. What worked for me was the newfound understanding, through a 12 step program, that I was the only one who could change the situation, that it was very likely not my church which was at fault but my own fear of being authentic there.
It's hard to be happy when we can't be who we really are. That might be what's going on for you.
At 4:48 PM,
WellSoul said…
I've had similar frustrations at my church. I don't identify as clearly as a UU Christian as you do, but consider my Christian roots to be an important part of my religious worldview. I was a member of our Labyrinth committee that experienced feeling marginalized by the old Humanist guard. My response was to create a Spiritual Practices committee to gather all the smaller groups together and advocate for each other.
It's still a struggle and I do get discouraged. It's hard when your spiritual refuge becomes a source of stress too. However, I'm in favor of being visible with the knowledge that it will be uncomfortable at times. Luckily, I already had the experience of being Board president when I had to face the Finance committee about the Reiki conference we were organizing. It wasn't pretty and another person might have quit the church over it.
At 5:06 PM,
ogre said…
Last year--over just last month--as Board president, I made a statement that while I wasn't a Christian, I would actively welcome the formation of any spiritual practices/study group that was part of the congregation. Any. That I was hopeful that we'd see a Christian group join the second Buddhist group that we've got. A CUUPs group (or a not-CUUPs group... I don't care) for the large number of our members who are Pagan.
What you describe sounds very, very, very like what I've heard Pagans and others express here... just a few years ago. We blew the doors off the presumptively Humanist/Atheist supermajority when we did a theological/philosophical survey of the congregation... and found that there is NO majority--nothing, not even when people could check as many boxes as they needed to, could anything muster a majority.
Short form... if our just over 150 member congregation, long seen (and once truly) as a Humanist citadel is as diverse as it is... and given the number of people who subscribe to some degree of Christian thought is consistent with yours... I'd bet that you're overlooking people.
Just as many of our Pagans were floored to find that they were part of a group that might muster 20+%, not maybe 5%. Be open. Be out there. Not evangelizing your fellows, but be who you are, so that everyone else can be, too.
At 7:58 PM,
Steven Rowe said…
It does indeed seem frustrating to be in a group that has to hide who they are. Or at least be in a group where some feel they have to hide.
May I suggest that (in the fall)
that you actually start a real UU Christian Circle? (OK, a real UU Christian get together, depending on how that goes, then maybe an unafraid circle)
At 9:52 PM,
LaReinaCobre said…
The way I see it, no one but Christians in your church can start a Christian group. Do your thing! The worst that can happen is you go back to meeting in someone's house again (and that's not so bad).
At 3:58 PM,
PeaceBang said…
Mama G, thanks for another honest post. I think it's a great sign of maturity to be able to sift through several frustrating areas of our life and not to pin the blame on one obvious "thing."
That said, I encourage you to share with the congregation the great news that several of you are meeting to explore the Christian path. While the invitation may push some buttons, you will have done two good things:
1. Made it possible for more Jesus-yearning people to join with you in fellowship that will only strengthen your commitment to your congregation (one hopes), and
2. Given those UUs in your congregation who freak out at the idea that anyone among them might be Christian an opportunity to confront their own prejudices and hypocrisy. After all, Unitarian Universalism affirms the "free and responsible search for truth and meaning" and encourages spiritual growth in our congregations. If someone wants to keep you from that, they have work to do on themselves. Let the minister minister to any of those folks, and you and your friends do your own ministry.
Good luck!
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