That time of the year
It's that time of the year again. Summer is always the most difficult time of the year for me. I know it, I try to avoid it, but it gets me every year. Depression. I realize that I rely too heavily on external validation. Intellectually I know that and I know that I shouldn't, but in those isolated days of summer it hits me like a ton of bricks. During the school year I interact with dozens of adults and kids every day who let me know that my presence in their lives matters. But come the end of May all that stops.
For 2 1/2 months I am at home with very little interaction with anyone besides my own immediate family. And while I love them, to them I am invisible. As long as dinner is on the table and clothes are washed, they couldn't really care less about what is going on with me.
Of course, this is the time of year when the UU church (in my opinion) falls apart. The minister is gone for weeks on end, the congregation is busy jet setting off to this vacation location or the other (sometimes it really irks me to belong to a wealthy congregation and to be one of the poorest people there), and general attendance is just low. And again, I'm invisible. I can go for weeks without attending church and no one really seems to notice unless they need something from me (like to teach RE). And this year our newly-formed UU Christian Circle is having to take a 3-month hiatus because of scheduling difficulties. If ever there was a time when I needed a close spiritual group it is now! UGH!
AAGH. It's just so frustrating. I just wish I had a little bit of money to go somewhere and do something. But I don't. And with the price of gasoline these days, I find myself freaking out over running the smallest of errands. Blah.
Sorry to vent there. I'm just feeling a little frustrated and isolated.
For 2 1/2 months I am at home with very little interaction with anyone besides my own immediate family. And while I love them, to them I am invisible. As long as dinner is on the table and clothes are washed, they couldn't really care less about what is going on with me.
Of course, this is the time of year when the UU church (in my opinion) falls apart. The minister is gone for weeks on end, the congregation is busy jet setting off to this vacation location or the other (sometimes it really irks me to belong to a wealthy congregation and to be one of the poorest people there), and general attendance is just low. And again, I'm invisible. I can go for weeks without attending church and no one really seems to notice unless they need something from me (like to teach RE). And this year our newly-formed UU Christian Circle is having to take a 3-month hiatus because of scheduling difficulties. If ever there was a time when I needed a close spiritual group it is now! UGH!
AAGH. It's just so frustrating. I just wish I had a little bit of money to go somewhere and do something. But I don't. And with the price of gasoline these days, I find myself freaking out over running the smallest of errands. Blah.
Sorry to vent there. I'm just feeling a little frustrated and isolated.
Labels: Church Relations, Family, Health, UU Christian Circle
posted by Mama G @ 8:02 AM
5 Comments:
At 8:50 AM,
Lizard Eater said…
Here in the blogosphere, your presence is noted and appreciated. What you have to say is carefully read and thought about. And I, one of many, am awfully glad you're here.
LE
At 9:22 AM,
Lilylou said…
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling low, Mama G. I echo what LE says----I read you regularly and though I don't always comment, I appreciate what you have to say. I realize I haven't answered your meme yet, but it isn't because you're invisible to me! I had participated in a similar one way last year and can't think of anything new to say!
MS. Kitty
At 12:54 PM,
Bob Kowalski said…
You've been tagged. And yes I know you've done this particular one before. It's karma.
At 11:28 PM,
kinsi said…
I totally know what you mean. I've been in the summer blues myself - which is why my blog dropped off the face of the earth for a month. I'm trying to actively kick my self out of the summer funk...its tougher to do than I remember...especially when I keep thinking about it gets to the point of being depressed you can't pull yourself out of the depression! Bah!
We'll sit and suffer together, hundreds of miles apart. If you need a good e-cry or e-vent, shoot me an email.
At 1:08 PM,
PeaceBang said…
So I'm sitting here in my totally cluttered parsonage, avoiding cleaning and doing laundry. It's 1:00 in the afternoon and I woke up at 10:00 AM. No one is calling, I am not needed or called on to be wise or helpful in any way, and it's both totally depressing and very liberating.
Only my cat notices me. I haven't washed my hair in three days since I haven't gone anywhere where I would be truly "seen." Fat, forty-something women aren't very "seen" in society, I notice.
So girl, I hear you. I'm sorry our churches so often "fall apart" in the summer and I'm very sorry that your Christian group isn't meeting. I attend Christian churches all summer long myself to get a sense of the wider Church that is missing in UUism (all we seem to want to be aware of the wider UU movement, and that's not enough for me). It's funny, but I often get a powerful sense of community as an anonymous visitor in random Protestant houses of worship.
Blessings of strength and peace to you.
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