A girl on my mind

Today I can't stop thinking about one of the girls I've come to know through my substitute teaching experience.

Last spring I worked as a special substitute teacher who would go to one of the elementary schools every Tuesday and Thursday and fill in for the regular teacher who would do a pull-out enrichment program for the gifted/talented kids. I would take their regular classes for them. One of the classes was a fourth grade class and this particular girl (S) was a student in the class. I was in that classroom once a week every week for the last two months of school. Also, the teacher had something come up out of town at one point and I had to fill in for her for an entire week. So these kids were *very* familiar with me. S is one girl, in particular, who used to come back and talk to me all the time and tell me about this or that going on or she'd ask me about different things, just to chit chat during extra time. She's one of the sweetest girls I've met. She had some learning issues and worked with one of the resource teachers and was a little behind grade-level, but not terribly so. She was in student council and played softball and was popular with the other girls.

I haven't been at that school a lot this year, but I'd heard through the grapevine that S had suddenly started having seizures. A lot. They couldn't figure out what was causing them. I think they eventually diagnosed her with epilepsy and she is on medication, but she still has frequent seizures. She is in fifth grade now. She has changed so much and I am especially shocked by her personality changes. She now has a full-time aide who never leaves her side except during lunch when the lunch duty teacher stands right by S in the cafeteria in case she has a seizure. A couple of weeks ago I was in her class again and she looked at me funny like I was vaguely familiar. She asked me what my name was. I think I kept a neutral face when I told her my name, but inside I couldn't believe she didn't remember. We'd had hundreds of conversations last year! In the last couple of weeks I've been around her again. She remembers my name now, but I'm noticing how much she's changed. She is timid and seems to always have a look on her face like she's confused. She doesn't interact as much with the other kids. Her aide says there are many times when she doesn't seem to know where she is. She's always been skinny, but now she's lost so much weight she looks terribly unhealthy to me. She has scabs on her elbows and forehead from falls she's taken during seizures. I haven't actually seen her have a seizure, but I understand the class and teachers are used to it by now.

I can't believe this is the same girl that I knew last year. It breaks my heart just seeing her and today I wondered what her parents must be going through watching their daughter change like this. It must be so scary and heartbreaking.

This is what happens when you get attached to kids you work with. I'll be praying for her and her family.