I've been "off religion" lately

I received email today that someone left a comment on this blog yesterday. When I came to check it out, I realized I haven't posted since we got back from our last camping trip. And that was June 21. I haven't posted much for several months now and I fear some of my previously regular readers have fallen by the wayside.

For one thing, running two blogs is challenging. And frankly, right now, gardening has been my major focus. I started off the garden thinking it would be a preventative measure to ward off the depression that always hits me in the summer. (Long-time readers will remember my whining from last summer.) It has worked wonderfully. I have been so excited about working in the garden. Every day, first thing in the morning I go out to check on my garden and see how things are doing. It has been a terrific spiritual experience reminding me of the persistence of life, the balance of good and evil (particularly where insects are concerned), patience and acceptance. I have begun harvesting my summer garden and am in the process of planning my fall crops. If anyone wants to see what I've been up to, just visit my gardening blog for much more frequent posts with lots of pictures.

I have to admit, too, that another reason I haven't posted much here is that I've kind of been "off religion". I think the whole church split thing hit me harder than I thought. I am still grieving the loss of my UU church home while not yet feeling quite at home at the Friends meeting we'd begun attending. To be honest, we haven't been attending much this summer. With summer camps and family camping trips, we had scheduling conflicts. And then even on the weeks when we've been home, we've had trouble getting motivated to get up for the earlier (in summer) service. So we've stayed home. And I have kind of pushed religious matters from my mind.

But I am being called back in my own way. For quite a while now I've been interested in Contemplative Prayer. Basically, for those unfamiliar with it, contemplative prayer is Christian meditation - a practice of resting in God. Right now I'm reading a book by Thomas Keating called Open Mind, Open Heart about the process of centering or contemplative prayer. I believe I can re-enter religion through the personal experience of contemplation. Then I'll go where the spirit leads me.

A companion blog

I have created a second blog as a gardening blog. As I mentioned in my post entitled Hoping for New Growth last August, we have been planning bigger and better things for our garden this year. I need it to maintain my sanity over the summer - my dark season.

There isn't much there yet, but come back soon and often. I plan to share info about what we're doing in our garden and post pictures along the way.

My gardening journal: Dirt in my Fingernails

Illness - of the computer variety

Well, we were finally hit with a computer virus. We had virus protection software installed and had been lucky for years, but our time ran out. Those hackers out there with Too Much Time On Their Hands finally came out with a virus that got to us before the protection update did. Our hard drive took a big hit. Thus explains my absence from the internet for the last two weeks.

However, my husband, who is an IT manager had his recovery team working on it and I think they managed to salvage some of our old info from the diseased hard-drive. But Big J hasn't had time time yet to get it loaded onto the hard-drive we are now using. So for the time being I am without my address book, my URL favorites, and important info (passwords and such) that I'd saved in old email messages. So I'm stumbling along like a toddler learning to walk. For now.

But at least I am back online.

Brand Spankin' New Year!

It is with great joy that I say we have finally put 2007 to bed for good. Good riddance! I didn't feel a desire to recap 2007. 2007 was one of (if not *the*) worst years of my life and I am not sorry it is over. By the end of the year, things started to look up and so I am hopeful that this time next year I have a much more positive summary to give for 2008.

My blogging will probably continue to be sporadic while I am working full-time. I'll make up for it next summer when I'm home all the time.

I do want to make a couple of additions to my blog this year. Several years ago I kept a running list of books I read in a given year. I haven't done that in recent years and my memory isn't great. So I thought starting in 2008 I will replace my generic "library thing" list with my current reading list. Maybe I'll also keep a running list of movies I see this year. (We almost *never* go to theaters anymore so it'll mostly be from Blockbuster Online rentals.) I wonder if my readers will be interested in this. I admit I'm mostly doing it for myself just as a reminder of the thoughts that go in and out of my head. As soon as I finish one of the books I'm reading I'll set up the list.

Oh, and we are getting closer to a big election, so I'm sure 2008 will be chock full of those kinds of discussions as well.

Happy New Year 2008

About 5 years ago, my family started a new tradition as part of our annual New Year's Eve family celebration. We have the following survey saved on computer. Each year I print out a copy for each family member and we fill it out. We've kept the surveys in a binder and it is fun to see how we've all evolved over time. Anyway, I thought I'd post on my neglected blog and wish all my readers a Happy 2008 by sharing this year's survey with you. I do have to note that our home version includes spaces for "height" and "weight" (particularly interesting for growing kids and dieting parents), but I'm leaving those categories off my online survey. Feel free to steal my format for your own blogs if you wish.

List your favorites from 2007:

Book: Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
Movie: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
TV Show: What Not to Wear
Song: The Prayer
Singer/Group: Celtic Woman
Holiday: St. Patrick's Day!
Christmas Gift: Coffee maker with built-in grinder
Dinner Food: vegetarian lasagna, salad, garlic bread and red wine
Snack: chips and dip (very unhealthy!)
Ice Cream Flavor: Death by Chocolate
Drink: Snapple Diet Peach Tea
Color: (changes constantly but today...) pink
Hobby/Relaxing Thing: scrapbooking
Toy: my son's handheld Sudoku game

Where did you go on vacation?
Smoky Mountains National Park (and Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, TN)

What 2 news stories do you remember most?
1 the ongoing war in Iraq
2 recall of toys made in China

What is your proudest accomplishment this year?
FINALLY being chosen to fill two maternity leaves!

What will you remember this year for?
Hopefully this is a turning point in my career. This is the year I hit rock bottom and I'm ready for an upswing.

Make 1 New Year’s Resolution!!
Everything is possible with babysteps!

"God works in mysterious ways"

I remember hearing people say, "God works in mysterious ways," and not really getting it. I have now come to the conclusion that God works in a way that isn't at all mysterious. I believe we (human beings) are the hands of God and through us he moves and creates and sustains the world.

As you've probably noticed, I haven't been around the blog world much lately. Uumomma even emailed me recently to check in on me because I'd been feeling low when last I was posting a lot. I'm popping in tonight to let everyone know that my absence from the blogosphere isn't really due to an emotional low (thank God), but rather the hectic life that this time of year usually brings. As the kids get older it gets even more busy.

In the past six weeks I have:
1. subbed almost daily in one particular elementary school
2. led five Cub Scout meetings including a hike to earn Forester badges
3. dropped off and picked up from band practice kid #1 sixteen times
4. chaperoned 5 day-long high school marching band contest trips
5. taken kid #2 to 5 soccer practices
6. taken kid #3 to the public library 4 times
7. attended 6 Saturday morning soccer games
8. attended church 6 times (one of those times teaching RE)
9. attended one UU Christian Circle meeting
10. attended two band parents' association meetings
11. attended one Boy Scout Court of Honor/pitch-in picnic
12. delivered kid #1 to two separate weekend parties

Basically, I have been going 7 days a week for at least 4 weeks and the couple of weeks prior to that was almost that busy. On top of that, we have computer wars at my house. I have kid #3 wanting to play Reader Rabbit or Sesame Street games, kid #2 wanting to play Jedi Academy or look up Pokemon info online, kid #1 wanting to chat with his friends on myspace or facebook, and husband wanting to catch up on blogs, email, or myspace. My computer time is so limited, blogging has become a luxury. But soccer and marching season are ending soon, so hopefully I'll be back again soon.

Keeping busy has been a blessing. It has done two things: 1. It keeps me from dwelling on our financial problems and my difficulty finding a job. 2. It reminds me what is really important in life. One warm Saturday afternoon as I sat on the sidelines watching my son belt out part of the marching band show at the climax of the music, I was moved to tears. Those are the moments I live for. No creditor or possible employer can ever take away from me the joy I felt at watching my son perform. What food we did or didn't have at home didn't matter one bit in that moment.

An interesting thing has happened over the last month or so. We have been sustained. As I said at the beginning of this post, I believe God moves on this earth through the hands of the people around us. At a time when I often wondered where our next meal would come from or how we would have enough gas to get to work until payday, little things started happening. Friends and family would do small "coincidental" things that helped to sustain us and get us through. For example, one day at work, a coworker of Big J's asked him if we'd be interested in some meat for some Philly Beef Steak sandwiches. Apparently he and his girlfriend had gotten some and didn't care for it so offered it to us as a gift. Unsolicited by us. They had no idea that we'd been trying to figure out what to have for dinner. Several other similar things happened around that same time when we were at rock bottom. I really believe that God sustained us.

We are not out of the woods. Things are still tight, but we are recovering. And I have more good news. Last week, the principal came up to me and offered me a 10-week maternity leave. It isn't a full-time job, but it is a stepping stone. Not having a maternity leave has been an obstacle in my way preventing me from getting an interview in the past. So I am turning a corner.

My faith has been strengthened by this hardship. And every day I thank God.

Silence is better than a blubbering rant

I remember when I first discovered the blog world a couple of years ago, I stumbled on some random blogs where people seemed to want to air their dirty laundry. Lots of personal information that made me uncomfortable to read and foul language that railed at the world at large. I remember wondering what the point of the tirade was (attention?) and feeling a little embarrassed for the anonymous author.

So I have chosen to be silent a lot lately. I am currently in a very dark place and almost anything I can say or write comes out sounding either weepy or full of rage. And my blog readers don't deserve that dumped on them.

Sometimes life is very very difficult and you wonder how you'll manage to hold on for one more day. But then by some miraculous feat you do only to face the same dilemma the next day. And the next. I'm waiting for some spiritual enlightenment to make sense of all this but it isn't coming yet.

I had a dream the other night. I was driving my van down a familiar local road and I went around a pond. As I made a curve to go around it I realized that the road had flooded and my van was sinking into the pond. My automatic windows were rolled up and it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to lower the windows. In an instant I knew that I was done for. Almost instantaneously the brown murky water rose up the outsides of my windows. I woke up with my heart pounding and gasping for breath.

Getting Blog Feedback

It's been about a week and a half now since I installed statcounter.com on my blog so I could get an idea of who is reading my blog and why. It has been very enlightening.

First of all, it is interesting to see who finds me through google searches. I am surprised at how many people find me looking for pictures of Shades State Park. Other things I've mentioned like the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Bars and Bisquick Pourable Batter Mix are esoteric, but apparently people out there are looking for information. Only one search was a little disturbing - "watching moms take shower". Yikes! I'm sure this blog was a disappointment for that one.

The majority of the hits I get are from the UUpdates page (see my list of links) so it stands to reason that most of my readers are looking for things of a religious or spiritual nature. I shouldn't have been surprised then when my number of hits went through the roof when I posted a couple of days ago about whether I should continue to consider myself a UU and if I belong in my church. I average about 30 hits a day but on Sunday I got 121 hits in one day. Wow.

So now I know what everyone is looking for. That puts some pressure on me to come up with more religion-related posts. Of course, that is assuming that the goal of blogging is a wider readership. Maybe I should concentrate on my loyal base of 30 or so a day? Something to think about.

Updating my links section

I've been cleaning up the links section of my page. I realized that the UU Christian link and the UUCF link are now one and the same. I also discovered that the Progressive Christian Blogger Network is now, sadly, defunct. Finally, although I have visited a couple of UCC churches in my journey, I don't really identify with them so I have removed a link to their main page (for now anyway).

I have added a couple of new ones that I have only briefly explored. They look like promising resources that I (and perhaps some of my readers) may be interested in...that is, unless you've discovered them before me. Anyway, they are the Liberal Christianity Network and the Center for Progressive Christianity.

I may add more in the future. For now I think this gives me some reading material as I continue to struggle with who I am and what I believe.

Happy surfing!

I'll be watching you...

After two years of blogging, I'm inching ahead another step in the blogosphere. I have just installed a statcounter so I can see who is visiting my blog and why. I've been curious to see who is reading me because I just *know* that the majority of people probably read without commenting. (I know you're out there!)

Anyway, I'll let y'all know if anything interesting pops up.

Introducing a new blogger

I thought I'd take a minute to introduce you to my husband's new blog over at A View from the Crossroads. He's new to blogging so go easy on him. ;-) Also, although he doesn't say it outright in his blog, he is a UU too (although he says he isn't as "churchy" as me). He'd get a kick out of people checking out his blog.

Simmered-down GA thoughts

(By "simmered-down" I am not referring to the use of the phrase to describe someone who is no longer as angry as before. Instead, I'm thinking of "simmered-down" as in the cooking sense. In cooking you take a whole lot of "stuff" and let it simmer until it "reduces" into a smaller amount of material that is stronger and more concentrated.) I've had lots and lots of thoughts about the GA blogs I've been reading and the streaming video I've been watching at the UUA website bumping around in my head. All of that "stuff" is starting to simmer down in my head into something (hopefully) more concentrated.

Before I say what I'm thinking, I have to repeat that so far I have never been able to attend a GA in person. My experience of GA is limited to what I can access online. I'm guessing I'm not the only online reader out here so maybe my words can speak for those of us who experienced GA vicariously. On July 8 our church has planned a service where our delegates will share with the congregation news about what happened at GA. But I have a feeling they'll stick to the basics and many of the smaller tidbits will be left out. I want more.

First, I was generally disappointed with the streaming video available at the UUA website. It isn't totally the UUA's fault. I have a dial-up 56K connection, so at best the video was choppy and some of the audio was so choppy that I couldn't understand what was being said. I would have liked to have recognized faces or banners during the banner parade, but it was mostly a colorful blur. The music was nice though. And the lag between the time of an event and when the video shows up on the website is disappointing. I'd planned to watch the closing worship live, but it was at 7:00 local time and I was right in the middle of getting dinner on the table. By the time dinner and dishes were done, so was the closing worship. I'm hearing positive chatter about it on the blogs, but the link still isn't up and I'm anxious to see it myself.

The bloggers have been a godsend. Not only did they give information about the various sessions, but they shared lots of "color" to help fill in the picture. From the horrendous flight experiences getting to GA to the pictures of the blogger dinner at a Greek restaurant, all of those things round out the experience for those of us at home.

There was a point when I wondered if I really wanted to go to GA at all. It seems like a lot of money and stress and then you get there and there are all these sessions talking about social justice issues and politics. Now don't get me wrong. I'm right there with everyone on the anti-war, marriage freedom, racial equality, transgender equality, etc. But I'm more of a spiritual person than a political person. My favorite videos were the worship services with their music and moving words. A call to arms just doesn't move me like a song of praise does. But that's just me. (I've been questioning my own identity as a UU for these same reasons, but I'll save that long story for a different post.)

But then I realized that there is an awful lot that happens at GA that doesn't make it online. Over at Planting God Communities, Rev. Ron Robinson, Executive Director of the UUCF, mentioned some lesser-known activities that I would have loved to be a part of. On Saturday there was a communion by the UUCF. Then Sunday there was a lecture by Kathleen Norris, author of "Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith". These are the types of things I'd attend if I were at GA and I think that would make me more satisfied than the political discussions. (BTW, I'd love to read a description of the Kathleen Norris lecture if anyone wants to do a write-up.)

GA Vicariously

As I sit here at home sipping my coffee after getting bowls of cereal for the boys, it is really nice to be able to check in with the UU blogosphere to find out what is going on right now over in Portland, Oregon at the 46th annual UU General Assembly. Our church has sent 12 people so I am sure I will hear tidbits eventually. But there is something to be said for those people who are on the ground in Portand and are posting to keep us updated back here in the hinterland. I'm sure it is very hectic there. I've seen the schedules. Those of us back home really appreciate the time everyone is taking to get information out.

I will be checking in several times this weekend over at the UUpdates website to see what bloggers are saying. Maybe one of these days I'll have the money and freedom to actually attend GA. But for now I have to live vicariously through the UU bloggers.

Serendipitous Christianity book discovery

I tried posting this the other day. I sat for at least an hour typing up my thoughts about this wonderful book I discovered. Then I looked up at the screen and it was all gone. Those of you who use Blogger, don’t be fooled by their new “autosave” feature. Blogger “autosaved” what I had written, but it cut it off after the first sentence. An hour’s worth of work was gone. So now I’ve decided to draft in Word and then cut and paste it into my blog so it won’t (hopefully!) happen again. Anyway, on to my original (albeit reconstructed) post…

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At the library the other day, I was browsing the "New Books" shelf when I stumbled upon the book 10 Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You : (but can’t because he needs the job) by Rev. Oliver “Buzz” Thomas. I’d read somewhere that it is true that what is largely understood and taught in seminaries these days rarely makes it to the pulpit because most people don’t want to hear it. So I was intrigued by the title and wanted to see what the author had to say. Here are just a few points that I’ll paraphrase (unless I indicate it is a direct quote):

* As far as the Creationism vs. Evolution debate goes, it is like comparing apples to oranges. Creationism is a religious concept and religion is about finding meaning, purpose and moral truth in life. Evolution is a scientific concept and science is about identifying observable and falsifiable facts about the world around us. It is only when we think of creationism as a scientific concept or evolution as a religious concept that we run into trouble. The two could (should?) coexist without cancelling each other out.

* Our purpose for being here is to treasure our humanity. Thomas cites Ecclesiastes with giving four directives: “(1) eat, drink, and be merry; (2) work hard; (3) enjoy living with the person you love; and (4) fear God and keep his commandments.” Further to that he discusses what might be meant by fearing God and keeping his commandments. Jesus trumps the ante when he said we should love God and our neighbors as ourselves. We can express our love for God through worship, singing, and prayer. He discusses how prayer is about being with God. It is about talking and listening…and not so much about asking (a point I really loved). The thing about prayer is that it doesn’t benefit God; it benefits us. It transforms us into people who think more like God and who work as God’s hands in the world. We must remember Jesus’ instruction to love who Jesus referred to as “the least of these”: those who are outcasts of society or who have been dealt more suffering than others.

* Thomas discusses the Bible and goes into details I already knew about (that it is made up of several different books by different authors and wasn’t put together into one book – with several different versions at that – until much later). He mentions problems with trying to read it literally as the inerrant word of God (inconsistencies and scientific impossibilities, for example). But he asserts how the Bible serves as a human witness to the experience of God at that time in history. There is a lot of wisdom contained in the Bible and you don’t have to believe that it really happened to believe it is true.

* He mentions how Christianity has historically (and sometimes contemporarily) marginalized some groups like women, slaves, and homosexuals. The Bible was once used to justify slavery (a fact which causes many people problems again with the inerrancy concept). But just like times have changed society’s opinion of owning slaves, so has its opinion about the submission of women changed since biblical times. At the time the biblical stories were being written, women were considered property owned by men. They were not allowed to participate in government, religion, etc. To stand up for women’s rights at that time would mark one as a rebel. The books of the bible were written to reflect that view. Of course, Jesus, the one person in the Bible whose example we *should* follow, obviously didn’t feel that way about women. Women played an important role in his ministry. That fact has been downplayed considerably by subsequent organizers of the religion of Christianity which speaks to attachment to the old systems of belief that still existed (exist). In today’s day and age, women are no longer considered to be lower than men by society and, therefore, should not be considered lower by the church. And the verses in the Bible that have been used to limit the rights of homosexuals did not come from Jesus. He spoke against many things: “money, lust, revenge, divorce, prayer, fasting, and a thousand other subjects (with an especially large number on self-righteousness), but there is nothing on homosexuality." Instead, Jesus spoke about the importance of how we treat each other. We should not judge others – that is for God alone to do. And he told us how important it was to love our neighbors as ourselves. That alone should be enough to tell us what is really important.

Those are just a few of the big ideas I got from this book. Much of what I read wasn’t surprising. Some of it I’d read before and most of it I’d thought before. But it was interesting to read a minister write these things. It was especially interesting to me to read in his bio that he is a Baptist minister. I was surprised to find a Baptist minister with these values. (I don’t know if he is American Baptist or Southern Baptist, but he does mention the Southern Baptist Convention a couple of times in his writing.) For me this was yet another reminder that I shouldn’t jump to conclusions about someone else’s beliefs.

I highly recommend this book to others. It’s a short read – only 108 pages – and I read the whole thing in one afternoon.

What I've read

My good friend Yogamum has a habit of finding fun little diversions on the internet. I think she and I are a lot alike, because she knows exactly which websites will suck up my time online. A couple of weeks ago she told me about the site called Library Thing on which you can catalog all of your books. Big J asked me last night, "Why would you want to catalog your books?" He is clearly NOT like Yogamum and myself when it comes to reading. If he were, he wouldn't need to ask that question.

Anyway, over the past couple of weeks I have been setting up my own personal catalog here. You can browse it if you want. I haven't limited it to those books I actually own. I've tried to list as many of the books as I could remember reading since the late 1990's. I have 129 books cataloged so far. I included all adult and young adult books, but I skipped all the children's books I've read because that would put me way over my freebie limit of 200 books.

I've also added a widget to the sidebar of my blog (scroll way down to see it). It shows a random sampling of books from my catalog. My interests can sometimes be a little eclectic. But I have always been a reader. It's a big part of who I am so I am sharing it with you.

10 More Days

Just 10 more school days, including today, until summer vacation begins. I am actually looking forward to it. This spring has been really busy for me between working nearly full-time, driving kids back and forth to various meetings, family outings, etc. I'd love a day to just hang out and do nothing. Of course I also have tons of projects around the house that I've been putting off until school was out so I definitely have plenty to do. But I'm ready for a change of pace.

This also means I'll be able to blog more regularly once I have more access to the computer.

Thinker blogs

Working really cuts down on my blog time. If it weren't for weekends I wouldn't be able to blog at all. So this morning I quickly jumped online to start catching up with all my blog friends. Imagine my surprise when my friend Yogamum over at Yoga Gumbo included me in a list of her "Top 5 Blogs That Make Me Think". Gee, no pressure there, huh? And here lately all I've been able to choke out is rambling about Survivor and my haircut and my feeble job search.

This Thinker Blog thing is all part of something started at The Thinking Blog. Basically, the idea is if you are nominated you can apply an award to your blog page (which I hope to figure out soon). Then you go on to nominate 5 blogs that you consider to be "thinker blogs". Then they continue the process. On and on.

So I've been doing some thinking about who to tag myself. I have several blogs that I like to read. Two of my favorites are Yogamum's who nominated me and another friend that Yogamum already nominated: Just Making It Up. Since they were both already nominated, I wanted to choose 5 others. Hmmm...

It's hard to narrow it down to just 5, but here goes...

1. Ms. Kitty's Saloon and Roadshow - a Unitarian Universalist minister

2. Peacebang - another Unitarian Universalist minister who moonlights as fashion advisor to the clerical world

3. Spirituality and Sunflowers - a Unitarian Universalist who, like myself, has a passion for reality TV interspersed with deeper contemplations about life

4. UUMomma - the name alone should tell what I have in common with her ;-)

5. A Blog of Mystical Searches - this one isn't specifically Unitarian Universalist, but it is a great one for delving into religion and spirituality

Very heavily loaded with the Unitarian Universalist stuff, but right now that's what I gravitate toward. Don't let the fact that they're UU mislead you. Each of these blogs contains info that could relate to anyone else who considers himself or herself a thinker. I wish I didn't have to limit it to 5 because there are many more I could add.

Anyway, check out the links if any of them are new to you. I think you'll like what you find.

One more thing

I wanted to take a minute to say welcome to all the new people have started reading my blog. I'm so glad you're here. And thank you to everyone who has said such encouraging words about my blogging. (I was in the middle of a pity party the other night and I'm over it now.)

A popular culture UU??

The recent announcement of the UU Blog awards and the resulting nominees has caused me to spend some time ruminating on what I've been reading. One of the blog entries that really struck me was called Am I Too Stupid to be a UU?. I was struck to my very core with this post because it sounded so much like something I could have posted myself. Sometimes I feel like UU's are intellectual snobs. I don't think it is intentional. Some of my dearest friends are UU's who I love to death and I don't think they mean to be intelluctually prejudiced. But we are. Do I really belong here? Am I smart enough to keep up?

I struggle with this myself. I go between being proud of the intellectual achievements of UU's (over 98% of our church has at least a bachelor's degree) and being revolted at the isolation caused by being brainiacs. I relate more to people who have a modicum of education and awareness of the world at large. But at the same time I am revolted (almost physically) at that very thing. How dare I place value on something so trivial. Yuck!

I think this particular issue resonates with my own issues of belonging in my spiritual (UU) community and in my residential (rural America) community. The thing that comes first to mind is popular culture. With UU's (primarily my own church and secondarily the online UU world) popular culture is taboo. Here are some specific examples of my feeling marginalized because of my interest in popular culture: at a UU book discussion (don't remember the book we were talking about) several comments were made about the low level standards of people who watch such "banal" TV as Survivor (lots of eye rolls) as if this is beneath them. Note: I am a huge Survivor fan and my family and I watch every new season with loyal attention. I felt marginalized. Another instance: I went to a youth group parent "meeting" where the topic of discussion was youth and media. Again, people who watch TV were characterized (in my opinion, at least) as inferior. The UU's at this gathering bragged that they only own one TV per household and it is permanenty fixed to PBS. Again, being someone who (gasp) keeps up with popular culture, I felt marginalized. Why does my enjoyment of watching these (albeit trashy) TV shows make me somehow less?

I admit it. I watch TV. I listen to radio. I keep up with popular culture. We watch the local sports teams and cheer them on. We watch Survivor and American Idol. We watch the Office and My Name is Earl. One of my favorite shows is Seinfeld. I wear blue on "Blue Fridays" to support my Colts football team. This feels so anti-UU. Sigh.

It also happens on the blog world. I am a new blogger and I feel like a kid hanging out with the grown ups. We have all these seminarians and ministers posting these "Deep Thoughts" and I feel, frankly, silly. My blog will never be on the nominations list for the UU Blog awards. I'm just not up to snuff. I read some mainstream novels and watch TV and listen to regular radio music. Does that mean I have to revoke my UU membership? I don't know. God still speaks to me to love my fellow humans, whomever they may be.

You know, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. In my real world existence as a mom and substitute elementary teacher, I feel much more educated than most and very worldly in comparison. (My son, a freshman in high school, was the ONLY kid in class who was able to successfully say who Nancy Pelosi is and how she is noteworthy...most kids have no idea). But in the UU world I feel like a fraud.

I think the nominations for the annual UU Blog awards has caused me to really think about who I am as a blogger (among other things). I will never be a theologian or someone with "deep thoughts". But I am a real American mom with three boys, a husband, a house, a dog, too many bills and not enough money, a job I love but pays squat, a love for TV, books, and music, and for God and its presence in my life. I won't post high-falutin' theses on religious concepts. That isn't me. But I can post about how God is moving in my life, how UUism speaks to me, how I love my kids and Seinfeld at the same time and have something to offer the world.

I have a feeling I'll have more to say on this issue in future posts. Stay with me and see what happens.