Silence is better than a blubbering rant

I remember when I first discovered the blog world a couple of years ago, I stumbled on some random blogs where people seemed to want to air their dirty laundry. Lots of personal information that made me uncomfortable to read and foul language that railed at the world at large. I remember wondering what the point of the tirade was (attention?) and feeling a little embarrassed for the anonymous author.

So I have chosen to be silent a lot lately. I am currently in a very dark place and almost anything I can say or write comes out sounding either weepy or full of rage. And my blog readers don't deserve that dumped on them.

Sometimes life is very very difficult and you wonder how you'll manage to hold on for one more day. But then by some miraculous feat you do only to face the same dilemma the next day. And the next. I'm waiting for some spiritual enlightenment to make sense of all this but it isn't coming yet.

I had a dream the other night. I was driving my van down a familiar local road and I went around a pond. As I made a curve to go around it I realized that the road had flooded and my van was sinking into the pond. My automatic windows were rolled up and it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to lower the windows. In an instant I knew that I was done for. Almost instantaneously the brown murky water rose up the outsides of my windows. I woke up with my heart pounding and gasping for breath.