Can I do this?

I have taken to listening (sometimes) to KLOV which is the network of Christian radio stations. (Sometimes the talking in between songs gets to be more than I can stomach, but I like most of the songs.)

Anyway, yesterday on the way in to work I heard one of their little snippets of reflective words by Rick Rogala called Fuel for Living where they spoke about the fear we often feel when venturing out into something knew. (Uncanny how these things come to us at just the right times in our lives.) Specifically, we feel self-doubt and question whether we are up to the task we are about to undertake. Basically, the message was one of reassurance that we are where we are because we are supposed to be and to go where we are led knowing that we are the right person for the job. It's kind of like that saying, "God never gives us more than we can handle." Now, I have to admit that that saying always sounded kind of hokey to me. It was just another way for religious right to shy away from real concrete answers. But I can see now that there is some truth to it.

Fight or flight is a human instinct. As I was driving down the road Monday morning to face my first day as full-time learning disabilities teacher for the next month, my instinct was flight. ACK! What am I about to do?

But I am the right person for the job, and the job is the right one for me at this time in my life. It really is something you might call divine. This is my first full-time teaching experience since college. It is only one month long while I fill in for another teacher who is on bedrest and I'm doing it until the special education replacement can start at the end of April. I am not working with a full class, but with about 8 kids throughout each day. I will be doing minor planning and grading and I will learn how to enter grades into the electronic system. You might say I am getting the opportunity to cut my teaching teeth. I am also making a name for myself among school staff, receiving a letter of recommendation from my principal, and right at the time when they are almost ready to begin hiring for the next school year. This isn't the job that I would want long-term, but it is going to serve me well. And I hope I do the same for the job. So far the students seem to be responding well to me and I can see that I am helping them.

I'm glad I fought that initial instinct to flee.