Out of balance
My life is so out of balance right now. I feel like I'm driving with four flat tires where each tire is one aspect of my life and they've all been punctured. Blah. I wish there was at least one are of my life that brought me joy, but right now I'm not feeling it.
I remember a few years ago when we first started attending church and I used to love it. The whole experience was joyful - from the getting up and getting ready, the drive in, the service, the kids' RE, the coffee hour, and even the drive home. I'd arrive home on Sunday afternoon and just bask in the glow from my morning.
Those times are just a distant memory at this point. I keep hoping to get that old feeling back, but it doesn't happen. I drove home from church this morning so empty and sad feeling that I felt I could almost burst out in tears. Big J and I have been trying to get back into the rhythm of going to church each week, but the heavy snowfalls scared us away for a couple of weeks. And I'll admit that we (especially Big J but me to a lesser extent) are sermon shoppers. We read in the newsletter what the upcoming services are about and decide which ones sound good. Lately it has been slim pickin's, let me tell you. So many just sound like political seminars. Next week is our annual Celebration of Learning (recognizing kids' RE) and RE open house so I will be working as part of that. The following week is about the death penalty. My God, the death penalty.
Now, I realize that we UU's are generally passionate (as much as UU's get "passionate") about capital punishment and social justice issues. But after a very difficult week (or several) of real life, I need something spiritually uplifting. I would like to be reminded of God in my life (or even the Spirit or whatever PC term you want to use). But this upcoming death penalty sermon has all the markings of something that will feel like a public caucus or pep rally. That, IMO, is fine for a Saturday afternoon, but not a Sunday morning. Rather than feeling uplifted, I have a feeling I would leave church after that sermon feeling either depressed at the hopelessness of it or angry at the injustice. Granted, these sorts of topics are sometimes needed to remind people of "right living", but I DESPERATELY need something to feel good about in my life right now and I haven't seen anything of that sort at church for quite a while now.
Maybe I'll go to the local United Methodist church that week. Sigh.
I remember a few years ago when we first started attending church and I used to love it. The whole experience was joyful - from the getting up and getting ready, the drive in, the service, the kids' RE, the coffee hour, and even the drive home. I'd arrive home on Sunday afternoon and just bask in the glow from my morning.
Those times are just a distant memory at this point. I keep hoping to get that old feeling back, but it doesn't happen. I drove home from church this morning so empty and sad feeling that I felt I could almost burst out in tears. Big J and I have been trying to get back into the rhythm of going to church each week, but the heavy snowfalls scared us away for a couple of weeks. And I'll admit that we (especially Big J but me to a lesser extent) are sermon shoppers. We read in the newsletter what the upcoming services are about and decide which ones sound good. Lately it has been slim pickin's, let me tell you. So many just sound like political seminars. Next week is our annual Celebration of Learning (recognizing kids' RE) and RE open house so I will be working as part of that. The following week is about the death penalty. My God, the death penalty.
Now, I realize that we UU's are generally passionate (as much as UU's get "passionate") about capital punishment and social justice issues. But after a very difficult week (or several) of real life, I need something spiritually uplifting. I would like to be reminded of God in my life (or even the Spirit or whatever PC term you want to use). But this upcoming death penalty sermon has all the markings of something that will feel like a public caucus or pep rally. That, IMO, is fine for a Saturday afternoon, but not a Sunday morning. Rather than feeling uplifted, I have a feeling I would leave church after that sermon feeling either depressed at the hopelessness of it or angry at the injustice. Granted, these sorts of topics are sometimes needed to remind people of "right living", but I DESPERATELY need something to feel good about in my life right now and I haven't seen anything of that sort at church for quite a while now.
Maybe I'll go to the local United Methodist church that week. Sigh.
Labels: My Spiritual Search
posted by Mama G @ 2:00 PM
2 Comments:
At 2:16 AM,
Mystical Seeker said…
I know the feeling. The very first UU service I ever attended, back in 1988 at Fall Creek fellowship in Indianapolis, featured the head of the Indiana Civil Liberties Union. It was as politically progressive and as lacking in spirituality as you can get. I am very political myself, and at the time that was what I needed, but over time I have felt the need to find something more spiritually focused. That was the problem I had with the UU church in San Francisco, which was why I didn't continue to attend.
If you are thinking of venturing outside the UU for a bit, you could try lookinp up chuches at the Center for Progressive Christianity website (tcpc.org). Within the denomination I am most involved with these days, you could go to http://www.ucc.org/find/ and see if there is a progressive congregation near you that meets your needs (some UCC churches are not that progressive, but many are. The "still speaking" churches are more likely to be progressive.)
At 1:28 PM,
ABT said…
This just makes me so sad. I'm sorry your congregation isn't meeting your needs. Have you considered having a candid talk with the minister or worship chair? Maybe they are responding to others who complained the church wasn't doing enough about the state of the world. Or wasn't "intellectual" enough. Or maybe this is a series and just knowing it will end will help.
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