Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I've been too busy this week to sit down at the computer and post here in my blog. Generally, I am doing well. My nightly meditation is going well (with the exception of this weekend when I stayed up too late watching TV and went straight to bed and skipped the meditation). I am enjoying the peaceful time. I basically begin by trying to clear my mind of all thoughts. I maintain the position of neither rejecting nor holding onto thoughts, but let them wax and wane as they naturally do. I have already encountered two subjects that are causing me some discomfort and I want to pray on them some more. Specifically I am troubled by guilt/shame and I am also finding myself more and more troubled by issues of feminism.

Big J and I have talked about how sometimes we recognize signs in our daily lives. Little things that happen and could be contrued as coincidences, but there is often a pattern which has meaning in our personal lives. For him, he was noticing many messages about the need to be more conscious of his cholesterol. Things kept popping up trying to get him to pay attention to his eating and exercise habits. For me, issues of feminism keep popping up. I just finished another book this morning (blog book review forthcoming) that has once again stoked the flames of feminism and my own identity. I feel like I waver between two sides of the issue and don't quite know where I fit in. I could go into this issue in its own post (or series of posts) later when I have more time.

Among the many things we've done this week, we have renewed our lapsed membership at the Y. This was primarily Big J's idea (on his anti-cholesterol kick) and Little J was a big supporter (he needs a workout venue now that wrestling season has ended). And I have to say it is something I need. My doctor told me several months ago that I would be wise to lose 20-30 lbs and my blogger/email friends Head Case and Yogamum have both been excellent examples of women who successfully got their bodies moving and have gotten in good shape. I should follow their examples. My plan is to start out by getting the old bones moving and blowing the dust off my rickety old joints. Then I may sign up for a yoga or pilates class. We'll see. Plus we'll have a free admission to a swimming pool this summer (well not free if you count our membership fee, but you know what I mean). The boys are excited about that part.