I want my old mom back
This is what Little J told me yesterday. He has trouble with my relatively new interest in Christianity. I think it freaks him out. When he was little, I was a bitter athiest. The Christians I'd encountered were judgmental, isolating, and just generally not loving. They adamantly insisted on a literal understanding of stories from the bible that are just too fantastical (is that a word?) for me to get my intellectual mind around. I saw Christianity as a way to divide people rather than bringing them together and I saw God as they described him to be hypocritical and unbelievable. It just had to be all made up.
When it finally hit me that these people were just people too and that maybe there was more to the idea of God and Christianity than what they'd been taught and what I'd always heard, I was floored. I had no idea that there was any way to consider all this besides a literal-factual way. Through reading lots of books and communicating with people on the internet, I began to discover that there are other ways of understanding scripture and being Christian. Suddenly I felt like the curtain was ripped in two and a new life began for me. I wanted to go back and reread the bible and rethink everything I'd thought before. It was like an obsession. The more I read and thought and prayed, the more it all made sense. Why hadn't I seen it before? It's so exciting and life-altering.
On the other hand, I realize it has been confusing to my family, especially Little J. The other two are young enough that they don't remember me any other way. But Little J is 14 and he's having trouble with it. He thinks I've become one of those "Jesus Freaks". He hates that I listen to contemporary Christian music on the car radio. He rolls his eyes whenever I mention Jesus.
I realize that he is just uncomfortable because I've thrown a wrench into what he'd always believed about God and Christianity. I don't try to convert him (I still have issues with evangelism). But I do want to show him there is a different, loving, unifying message in Jesus (which I think is the *real* message of Jesus). How do I find the words? How do I ease his discomfort to show him this isn't a bad thing. I haven't joined a cult or anything.
Wisdom would be welcomed...
When it finally hit me that these people were just people too and that maybe there was more to the idea of God and Christianity than what they'd been taught and what I'd always heard, I was floored. I had no idea that there was any way to consider all this besides a literal-factual way. Through reading lots of books and communicating with people on the internet, I began to discover that there are other ways of understanding scripture and being Christian. Suddenly I felt like the curtain was ripped in two and a new life began for me. I wanted to go back and reread the bible and rethink everything I'd thought before. It was like an obsession. The more I read and thought and prayed, the more it all made sense. Why hadn't I seen it before? It's so exciting and life-altering.
On the other hand, I realize it has been confusing to my family, especially Little J. The other two are young enough that they don't remember me any other way. But Little J is 14 and he's having trouble with it. He thinks I've become one of those "Jesus Freaks". He hates that I listen to contemporary Christian music on the car radio. He rolls his eyes whenever I mention Jesus.
I realize that he is just uncomfortable because I've thrown a wrench into what he'd always believed about God and Christianity. I don't try to convert him (I still have issues with evangelism). But I do want to show him there is a different, loving, unifying message in Jesus (which I think is the *real* message of Jesus). How do I find the words? How do I ease his discomfort to show him this isn't a bad thing. I haven't joined a cult or anything.
Wisdom would be welcomed...
Labels: Family
posted by Mama G @ 9:56 AM
1 Comments:
At 8:57 PM,
PeaceBang said…
The way I see it, is you're an adult and seeking a meaningful spiritual path is part of your job. He's a teenager, and rolling his eyes at something Mom believes is HIS job.
Keep talking to him, Mom. Share honestly with him your amazement at how wrong you were about what the Christian path really is, and how much meaning and worth you're finding in re-exploring it with a new, more loving attitude. Share your insights with him about the difference between the ideals of a religion and the realities of how it is interpreted and practiced in human communities. Talk to him about how much hypocrisy disgusts you, too. Teach him what Jesus said. Be a resident theologian.
He may roll his eyes but your integrity will make an impression on him, and your transformation will be apparent to him. He doesn't need to think you're cool. He just needs you to love him, and what could be more loving than honestly sharing your faith development with him? To a reasonable limit, of course! ;-)
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