Job search saga continues

The elementary school principals had their annual staffing meeting on Thursday morning to determine their openings for next year. (All 5 schools do it together as a group rather than individual schools doing individual hiring.)

Yesterday at lunch my principal came up to me to tell me that there are 3 projected openings at the elementary level in the entire corporation for next year. (Yes, only 3 - WOW! So much for the media-announced teacher shortage in 2007!) They are interviewing only 5 people for those 3 spots...and I am not one of the five. He told me not to take it personally...they are only interviewing those people who did at least a one-semester leave this year. My one month in special ed doesn't count.

This makes the third school year in a row that has ended with me being passed over for an interview. You cannot just apply to this school corporation and expect to be considered. You have to figure out how to worm your way into a long-term sub position (being related to someone important or becoming their "pet" doesn't hurt).

The only thing I'm holding onto right now is that there are a couple of temporary (one-year) openings next year. One of them is my sister's job. I think I've mentioned before that she's taking a sabbatical. For the past 3 years I have been the preferred sub for her because I know music and I know her routine. For the longest time I had students (and even some teachers) asking if I was a music teacher. If the current principal were hiring for her job for next year, I'd have a really good chance at it due to my experience. But he is retiring and another guy is transferring over from another school in the corporation. He knows me too, but not necessarily in a music context. My name won't pop into his head immediately. My principal did say he'd talk to the new guy about me.

I'm not certified in music - just general elementary education. However, I was in instrumental music for 11 years including marching and concert high school bands and marching and concert bands for 4 years in college. Plus I took music history and theory as electives in college. So for one year I feel like I could do the job.

But if I've learned anything over the last three years, it is that I can't count on anything. My self-confidence and self-esteem are so low right now. I know on paper it looks like it isn't personal. But the "cut-off" they imposed on who they will interview was arbitrary. They could just as easily have widened the search to include anyone who'd done multi-week sub gigs. They chose not to...even after I had emailed the principals personally. I can't help wonder what role that played in the whole thing.

I'm trying not to think about it too much. I am depressed. It isn't the first time and I doubt it will be the last. It's hard to constantly feel like you keep failing no matter how hard you try.