Fifteen years ago

Fifteen years ago today I became a mother. At 4:44 a.m. after 14 hours of labor, Little J was born. Big J had been at my side all night long. My parents were out in the waiting room waiting for their first grandchild. My sister and her boyfriend had even driven in from college. Little J was the first grandchild on both sides of the family...the first pair of little feet our family had seen in a long time.

I didn't yet realize how much my life and identity changed that day. Suddenly I was "a mom". I worried about things non-moms don't. Did he eat enough? Is he growing enough? How can I get him to sleep more? Even going out somewhere became all about how to deal with having him taken care of or having all of his stuff with us if he went along. Worrying about timing outings so they didn't conflict with his nap schedule.

When he was tiny, Big J and I did the split-shift thing so that we didn't need a babysitter when I returned to work. Although we didn't see each other much during those months, we each got a chance to bond with Little J. Then when he was older, he started going to Kindercare. As reluctant as I was to hand him over to someone else, we were immediately pleased with Kindercare. They came to feel like extended family to us. When he was older, he was in their preschool class where he learned the basics of reading and writing and was more than ready for school. We sent him to full-day Montessori kindergarden for one year where he thrived. But at the end of that year, the cost of paying for his tuition plus daycare for his new baby brother was just more than we could handle. I became a "stay-at-home" mom. We enjoyed a summer at home together and in the fall, I was there to see him onto the bus each morning on the way to first grade and I was there when he came home in the afternoon. I became one of the parent leaders when he joined cub scouts. We made regular trips to the public library while listening to Raffi cassette tapes in my minivan. I was deep in "mom mode".

Before Little J entered second grade, we moved to our present home. He had no trouble making new friends. One of the first boys he met in our neighborhood has become his best friend and they are now talking about taking driver's ed together. Anyway, Little J finished elementary school at the school that is only two blocks away from our house. He stayed in cub scouts and I continued as one of the leaders. He played various sports, but wrestling and soccer seemed to be the ones in which he excelled. He was on the spell bowl and math bowl teams and we went to all the competitions.

In seventh grade he moved to the middle school. He'd started playing the baritone horn. By this time he'd crossed over into the boy scouts (older version of cub scouts). He wrestled on the school wrestling team and we were always in the stands cheering him on.

Now he is a freshman in high school. This year he was in the school's marching band and I became a "Band Mom". I was a chaperone riding the bus along with a bunch of teenagers and handing out drinks as the band members had lunch. He's still in Boy Scouts (just two ranks away from becoming an Eagle Scout). And he wrestles for the high school team.

Yesterday, the first college catalog came in the mail. He wants to go to film school to make documentaries. Right now, his first choice school is Columbia College Chicago because they aren't terribly far away (like USC or something in NY would be) plus they have an excellent documentary department - his specialty. Scholarships and financial aid will definitely be a necessity, so that is why we are starting early. And we want him to have a couple of back-up schools in mind too.

So today as I make a cake for his birthday and remember how clumsy I was putting his outfit on fifteen years ago when we prepared to take him home from the hospital, I can't believe my little boy is a young man now.