Mom to the Left

Apparently I'm a Humanitarian

2008-08-22T08:31:00.002-04:00

I found this on Yogamum's blog. It's one of those fun time-wasting quizzes. Check this out:

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

HFPS - The Humanitarian

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on what's in front of you (the foreground) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can't control. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.

The Perception Personality Types:

Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

Back to School time

2008-08-20T08:26:00.003-04:00

Summer is winding down. My kids are back in school. My oldest is a junior in high school, worked all summer, and bought himself his first vehicle. He's driving to school every day now. My middle son is in 6th grade, the last year in elementary school where we live. My baby is in first grade which means he finally goes all day this year.

I'm shocked at how time flies. I shouldn't be. It's always been this way. But something about this time of the year and the changes it brings is always kind of jarring to me.

It was a good summer that flew by faster than usual. I kept myself busy in my garden and now I have lots of preserved food to show for it. More than that, I had fun.

We didn't have the money for big vacations this year except for our camping trip to Pokagon State Park. My husband, in his first year as an assistant scout leader, went to summer camp for a week with our 16 and 12 year old sons. And my 6yo son played daily with his buddy who lives down the street.

It was a laid-back and simple summer that I thoroughly enjoyed.

So school started last week. The kids are back in school, but it is too early for them to start calling in subs, so I have time at home to myself each day. I need to get the house straightened up after a summer of having everyone at home all the time. They'll be calling me to work soon.

Reviewing spiritual children's books

2008-08-11T09:51:00.004-04:00

I've decided to make this the first of what I hope will be a series of posts about children's books with spiritual themes. I am extremely picky when it comes to sharing spiritual books with kids. I always check for subtle as well as overt messages that the book may be sending. It's one thing to read an adult book with ideas that I don't think are healthy - I am old enough to process it. Kids, however, are more impressionable and can be greatly affected by what they are told or what they read.

When my older kids were young, I tended to avoid the subject. I was still of the mindset that organized religion was not healthy or useful for me or them. As you know, my views on that have changed. I now think spirituality is important. But you really have to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

Also, a lot of what I've seen in the blog world is directed at adults. While there are some pockets of people discussing youth (i.e. teenage) issues, the youngest ones are not often part of the online world. As a mom and teacher, I am very interested in what is out there for the youngest of us. And so begins my new series looking into children's spiritual books...

The first book I'm going to talk about is one that my 6yo son borrowed from the children's "library" at the Friends church we've been attending. It is called This Little Light of Mine and is illustrated by E.B. Lewis. This is a wonderfully illustrated version of the African-American spiritual song of the same name. I love it for two reasons. First of all, the illustrations are amazing. The characters, all African-American, are so life-like and moving. I used the illustrations to help my son understand the words. Which brings up the second reason why I love this book and the song in general. I was able to talk to my son about the Light that each of us has inside and how we can let it shine wherever we go. We looked at the illustrations and I asked, "How is he letting his light shine in this picture?" The pictures show the main character helping an older woman who has dropped her bag of groceries, being friendly to people he passes in the street, and finally, helping a boy who looks lonely and sad to make new friends and be happy. The book shows kid-appropriate ways of shining your light out into the world. I told my son that this book shows why we go to church in the first place...to remember that we have a bit of Light inside of each of us and the way we should live is to share that light with the world.

Carrie Newcomer - my newest discovery

2008-08-05T20:54:00.005-04:00

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I went to see Philip Gulley and Carrie Newcomer at an event called In Word and Song and described as "One Night, Two Quakers, Infinite Possibilities". I'll admit I went to see Gulley and didn't really know who Carrie Newcomer was. My husband was familiar with her work because he'd seen the show Wilderness Plots on the local PBS station and then ordered the CD. As it turns out, she is a singer who lives in Bloomington, Indiana (one of my favorite places on earth) and happens to be a Quaker as well.

It was a very enjoyable evening. Gulley shared several tales that are in his newest upcoming installment in his Porch Tales series of books: I Love You, Miss Huddleston: And Other Inappropriate Longings of My Indiana Childhood. Newcomer sang songs from her latest CD entitled The Geography of Light. I have to recommend that you check out that last link and listen to some of the songs. After the performance, we ordered the CD and it has been playing on a loop in my van ever since. Okay, I'll admit, sometimes when I clean the kitchen I bring it in and listen to it there too. I would describe it as spiritual folk music. It isn't religious but it is spiritual. A favorite of mine is the song called Geodes. Geodes are so common in Indiana that they are often overlooked and thought unremarkable. But her song points out how geodes are miracles and makes us look on the common in our everyday lives as the miracles that they often are. How much more spiritual can you get?

I think Carrie Newcomer is another one of Indiana's little known gems. Check her out and see if you don't agree with me.

Grace Talks by Philip Gulley

2008-07-15T14:21:00.003-04:00

My husband just sent me the link to Philip Gulley's new website, Grace Talks. He's using it as a platform to talk about a "new Christianity" that he envisions. By the way, for any Gulley fans, he is currently co-writing a third book in the If Grace is True and If God is Love "series". The working title is something like If the Church was Christian.

If you've visited my blog before, you may remember that we've started attending Pastor Gulley's Quaker meeting this year. I just love his vision of Christianity.

I've been "off religion" lately

2008-07-12T09:09:00.002-04:00

I received email today that someone left a comment on this blog yesterday. When I came to check it out, I realized I haven't posted since we got back from our last camping trip. And that was June 21. I haven't posted much for several months now and I fear some of my previously regular readers have fallen by the wayside.

For one thing, running two blogs is challenging. And frankly, right now, gardening has been my major focus. I started off the garden thinking it would be a preventative measure to ward off the depression that always hits me in the summer. (Long-time readers will remember my whining from last summer.) It has worked wonderfully. I have been so excited about working in the garden. Every day, first thing in the morning I go out to check on my garden and see how things are doing. It has been a terrific spiritual experience reminding me of the persistence of life, the balance of good and evil (particularly where insects are concerned), patience and acceptance. I have begun harvesting my summer garden and am in the process of planning my fall crops. If anyone wants to see what I've been up to, just visit my gardening blog for much more frequent posts with lots of pictures.

I have to admit, too, that another reason I haven't posted much here is that I've kind of been "off religion". I think the whole church split thing hit me harder than I thought. I am still grieving the loss of my UU church home while not yet feeling quite at home at the Friends meeting we'd begun attending. To be honest, we haven't been attending much this summer. With summer camps and family camping trips, we had scheduling conflicts. And then even on the weeks when we've been home, we've had trouble getting motivated to get up for the earlier (in summer) service. So we've stayed home. And I have kind of pushed religious matters from my mind.

But I am being called back in my own way. For quite a while now I've been interested in Contemplative Prayer. Basically, for those unfamiliar with it, contemplative prayer is Christian meditation - a practice of resting in God. Right now I'm reading a book by Thomas Keating called Open Mind, Open Heart about the process of centering or contemplative prayer. I believe I can re-enter religion through the personal experience of contemplation. Then I'll go where the spirit leads me.

Camping at Pokagon State Park

2008-06-21T18:23:00.005-04:00

Last week we went camping in Pokagon State Park in the northeastern corner of Indiana. We had never been there before so it was an adventure for us. It turned out to be well worth the long drive to get there.

We hiked through marsh (seen here) and I identified flowers I'd never seen before in person. For example, notice the water lily:

We also went to their beach. Although the weather and the water were a little cold that day, you can see that my kids had fun. Here's my 6yo playing in the sand:

But of course, the best part is always the camping. We'd reserved our campsite online using only a basic map so we weren't sure what we were in for. Generally, we had a good site. It was the middle of the week so the campground wasn't terribly busy and the people who were there tended to be families with kids like us. We were within close walking distance of the facilities that included flush toilets and showers (a new luxury in our family's camping experience). We were also close to the camp playground so that the boys could go play on the playground while we fixed dinner. They were far enough to be out of our hair, but close enough that we could still see them and wave them over when dinner was ready. Each day was rounded out by the obligatory campfire and smores. Here's my 12yo playing guitar one evening at the fire ring:

Serendipitous library moment

2008-06-11T08:53:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I took the boys to the public library. Now that we're on summer vacation, Tuesdays are library days. Anyway, while they were playing a game on one of the computers (an odd attraction for them since we have a computer at home), I was browsing through the picture books looking for books to read to my 6yo.

The title of one caught my eye: Snow on Snow on Snow. "That's odd," I thought. "That sounds like the lyrics to In the Bleak Midwinter." I pulled the book off the shelf and, sure enough, there was reference to the song inside the cover of the book about winter. I put the book back on the shelf since I'm looking for seasonal things and, frankly right now the highs outside are around 90 F. I'll make a mental note about this book for next winter.

Even after we left the library, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was a weird coincidence. In the Bleak Midwinter is a song I'd never heard before attending a UU church. And then, while at the UU church, it became a regular hymn sung around Christmas time. Forever in my mind it will be inseparable from the concept of UUism. It has also become my favorite Christmas-time hymn.

In the afternoon, my 6yo son and I were looking through my scrapbooking supplies. Scrapbooking is a hobby that I love to do, but never have the time for it during the school year. With summer here, I am taking stock and getting ready to start designing some pages again. While flipping through the scrapbook, I came upon a two-page layout that I'd made of the Halloween party we'd had at the UU church a few years ago. It was a happier time for us at the church and seeing the layout made me sad. I want that church to be like it used to be instead of what it has become.

The random occurrence at the library and looking at the scrapbook just generated ways for me to deal with my grief over losing a church home. There are things I really will miss there no matter how much I like our new home at the Friends meeting.

Holy Silence

2008-05-25T11:10:00.004-04:00

As you can see in my reading list (scroll down on the right hand side) I am in the middle of reading a book called Holy Silence: The Gift of Quaker Spirituality by J. Brent Bill. I have to admit that the practice of silent worship is one of the things that draws me toward Quakerism. Before we'd even started attending a Quaker meeting, I was very interested in the idea of contemplative prayer. The idea of Christian meditation and even Christian mysticism is interesting to me.

The Quaker (or Friendly) idea of sitting in silence is a method of intentionally listening for the voice of God. In honoring the Inner Light that we all have, if we are silent and still, we can await the word of God.

In this hectic world of rushing around and noise everywhere, I think a lot of us yearn for the silence. It can bring us a sense of peace that we'll miss if we don't take the time to sit in silence.

Camping Season 2008 is now open

2008-05-07T08:36:00.010-04:00

As I mentioned in my last post, I did ignore the media all weekend. That was mostly because it was our annual First-Weekend-in-May camping trip which is our family's official start to the camping season. The weather this year was not as nice as last year. Friday we had to contend with rain and storms and then Saturday night it got down into the 40's and was a little on the chilly side. But that didn't deter us. We love camping and can't wait for the first annual trip. We always start the season off at McCormick's Creek State Park in the same campsite every year. It is a family tradition. Here is the creek from which the park gets its name:

As I mentioned, it was rainy and stormy Friday night when we set up camp, so we had to hang up a tarp to protect our table. It was only a little miserable and we made the best of a trying situation.

The rain did stop, however, and Saturday was a nice and sunny day. We went on several different hikes. (Here are my three sons on one of our hikes.)

And we spent time playing around the campsite.

It got pretty cold Saturday night so we huddled around the campfire. Here I am sitting by the fire. I was bundled up in a t-shirt, sweatshirt, a hoodie, and a fleece jacket with a winter coat draped over my legs and gloves on my hands. Dressing in layers actually does work.

Saturday morning we warmed up by the fire as we made breakfast.

I was thrilled that the guys made breakfast. Here's my 16 year old making biscuits in our dutch oven.

In general a good time was had by all. In my gardening blog I have created a companion post where I will share all the wildflowers that I identified this trip. And if you are a wildflower fan, this weekend was incredible. Everything seemed to be in bloom!

We are excited about camping again and are already planning our next camping trip for some time in June.

Indiana Media Blitz

2008-05-02T09:48:00.002-04:00

So this is what it is like to be a participant in the process. Indiana usually gets ignored in primary season, so this is new to us. I could do without the prelude, frankly. Next Tuesday can't come soon enough.

Junk mail is in my mailbox every day. I get two flyers a day - both about Barack Obama. His camp sends out positive info about him and Hillary's camp sends out negative info about Barack. I am SOO tired of Hillary's negative campaigning. And I have to admire Obama that even after all this time, he isn't stooping to her level of campaigning. The smearing is just getting really old and nasty and I'm disappointed in her. I am liking her less and less with each day and I used to be a Hillary supporter. Sigh.

I am so tired of turning on the TV and hearing about Rev. Wright. The attempt to connect Obama to radical black extremism is so transparent and sad. Using this country's history of racism against itself. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I will be ignoring the media this weekend. Everything I see only solidifies my opinion about who I will vote for. I'm just looking forward to it being all over.

And then it starts all over again as we approach November.

Scout-o-rama

2008-04-27T11:48:00.006-04:00

Yesterday we spent the day at our district's annual Scout-o-Rama. All of the Cub Scout Packs and Boy Scout Troops from our entire district were there. In addition to being a fun day, it was a milestone day for my 11yo. He received his Arrow of Light award (highest honor in Cub Scouts)and "bridged up" into Boy Scouts. As the den leader, it was nice to watch the boys I'd worked with for years receive this honor. Here are 3 of my 4 boys after receiving the Arrow of Light award. (The fourth boy had a scheduling conflict.)

Here's my son crossing the rope bridge that was the symbolic bridge to Boy Scouts.

And now they stand as Boy Scouts at the end of the bridge with their new Scoutmaster and one of the older Boy Scouts.

My oldest son was also involved with helping to run the event. He did the cooking for his troop. Here he is making chicken and noodles.

And here he is (on the left) with a boy from another troop serving as emcees at the campfire circle in the evening. (The audience is off camera to the left.)

The Vegetarian Discussion

2008-04-22T08:59:00.005-04:00

It's that time of year again when the topic of vegetarianism comes up again in our family. Now that the cold winter is behind us (for the most part) we are more inclined to want to get away from meat. Intellectually we are all behind it (okay, maybe except for the 11yo and the 6yo). The problem is much more pragmatic.

You see, I am Busy. Yes, that's Busy with a capital B. When I was working full time back in February and March, I didn't even set foot in a grocery store. There was no time. Dinner was left up to the hubby and the delivery man. Now that I'm back to subbing, I have a little more time for luxuries like grocery shopping...but not much. I have time to shop, barely. I don't have time for clipping coupons, meal planning, and list writing. So in between my many other errands, I stop by the grocery store, grab a cart and weave in and out of the aisles throwing things into the cart.

At this point it is all muscle memory and habit. I can come up with meat-based meals on the spot without a list because I've done that for years. When I am in the grocery store, I can see frozen chicken breasts or ground beef on sale and immediately 4-5 recipes pop into my head and almost simultaneously so do the other needed ingredients and where I can find them in the store. My mental store of vegetarian recipes is much more limited. I mean, I can do Boca Burgers and Mac and Cheese and I'm about spent. Now I'm sure people could comment to this post and say "you could try ...(insert whatever favorite veggie recipe)". I know that there are lots of other vegetarian options and I have cookbooks at home to help me. The point is, they aren't in my head. To get to them I have to sit down with the cookbooks ahead of time, plan my meals, list the ingredients, check what we already have at home, and then shop. That becomes real Work that takes Time.

My husband is getting irritated with me. He has gone back to eating strictly vegetarian a week ago and I keep making meat for dinner. Last night it was frozen chicken breasts in one of those meal in a box kits. You know the kind, put chicken, stuffing mix and seasoning in one pan, cover with a can of sauce and pop in the oven. Five minutes prep, 30 minutes cooking in the oven, and dinner is served. He frowned. He stopped on his way home from work and bought a frozen organic spinach and feta pizza for himself.

I've told him he is welcome to make dinner himself if he doesn't like what I'm making. Right now this is what I have. I'd like to be able to run through the grocery store and pick out vegetarian meal items (preferably a week's worth at a time) the way I can with meat-based items, but I'm not there yet. Sigh.

Maybe I need to watch Fast Food Nation again. That would probably jolt me into action.

It was meant to be

2008-04-19T07:06:00.002-04:00

On yesterday's post about our leaving the UU church, michiganme commented that the UU church helped me on my journey to find the spirituality that worked better for me. Actually, that is something I've thought a lot about.

My spiritual path has wandered all over the place and I feel like each step along the journey was meant for me to guide me in the direction I needed to go. When I look back at my life, there was a time when I never would have set foot in a Christian church of any kind. I had an animosity and distrust of organized religion, particularly Christianity. I wasn't ready.

Eventually things in my life led me to want to explore spirituality even though the idea of Christianity was still something I couldn't embrace. I was only ready to begin seeking and see what ideas where out there. That was the next necessary step.

My spiritual seeking led me (via the Belief-o-matic quiz at Beliefnet.com) to discover UUism. I began reading up on it and I checked online for UU churches near me. I was only ready to find a UU church as an environment to let me explore spirituality with other people. That was the next necessary step.

After discovering a UU church that I really liked and which fit my spiritual needs at the time, we became members. I had never belonged to a church of any kind before having grown up unchurched. I became involved socially with the community, volunteered in RE, and began exploring different religious beliefs. I was only ready to discover what it meant to be a part of a religious community. That was the next necessary step.

In my spiritual seeking, I kept finding myself drawn to liberal Christian authors, bloggers, etc. Discovering that there was a liberal way to be Christian was mind-blowing and life-altering for me. I felt that God was leading me in a specific direction. I was only ready to discover and accept that liberal Christianity spoke to me more than other faith traditions. That was the next necessary step.

At this point, I began to feel unsatisfied at church. I felt a longing for God and an obsession for this man Jesus who was suddenly, to me, different from the Jesus I always heard about growing up. I wanted more of God and Jesus in my life. But at the same time I felt tangibly the absence of God and Jesus from my church. This put me in conflict. This was a difficult stage for me because I loved my church family but I also felt it wasn't "doing it" for me. It took me a long time to realize that I was ready to consider other options and began looking at liberal Christian churches. That was the next necessary step.

I tried some UCC churches and a Methodist church. They were nice but I just didn't feel that they clicked. I had developed a list of liberal Christian authors/books that really spoke to me and, for a while, it felt like I would have to rely on my reading for my spiritual needs. Liberal churches in central Indiana are hard to come by. But one of my favorite authors was Philip Gulley. He's fairly prolific, having written or co-written several non-fiction books as well as a fictional series. I'd read almost everything he's written. His theology spoke to me in a way that seemed like a perfect fit. I feel like I was being led. I was curious when I discovered that his Quaker meeting was only 10 minutes from my house. I was ready to visit the meeting and see where it took me. That was the next necessary step.

And now we have been attending Philip Gulley's liberal Quaker meeting. It feels very right at this point. However, every step in my journey has been necessary. I never would have walked through the doors of the Fairfield Friends Meeting if I hadn't gone through all of the previous steps. I wasn't ready.

I don't know what the next necessary step is on my journey, but I know now that I am being led by God on my journey to be closer to him/her. I needed UUism to teach me that one can be religiously liberal and to provide an environment where I could explore religious ideas that would eventually lead me to a more liberal understanding of Christianity. I had to go through that door to arrive at where I am today.

Switching churches

2008-04-18T10:47:00.004-04:00

We have decided to leave our UU church. It is a fairly painful thing and I think I am grieving the loss. Some of my friends think they know why we've chosen to leave, but they may be wrong. Actually, this decision was based on two different things.

The first and most obvious thing is the division that has developed in our church over the past 18 months or so. There was a very vocal and powerful group of people who became adamant about forcing the minister out. They would not back down and just last week they finally forced him to resign. From my perspective, I didn't really have a strong feeling about him one way or the other. He wasn't perfect, but he did have potential and he sincerely tried to make changes to please the malcontents. But they were unforgiving. What bothers me most about the entire situation was the lack of compassion and forgiveness exhibited by some of the congregation. Granted, this wasn't everyone (and I doubt if it was even a majority) but it was, like I said, a vocal and powerful group. Now being UU's, they don't necessarily follow the teachings of Jesus and this is where I personally run into some inner conflict. Jesus taught compassion and forgiveness as being the most important thing. Period. But these values weren't a high enough priority for this non-Christian congregation. Do I blame their not being Christian for the problem? Do I expect Christian churches to act differently? No. But at least in a Christian environment you can ask the question "What would Jesus do?" and people might at least consider it. Some of the mean and hateful actions that came out of this did not illustrate the compassion of Christ. And the way they turned their heads and ignored all efforts for improvement showed their disdain for forgiveness. Sigh. Frankly, I just don't feel like the values of this church are the same values that I hold dear. And the values I see are not ones I want to be a part of nor do I want my children to be a part of.

But that isn't the only reason. Concidentally (or not), I have also been feeling a spiritual need that has not been met by the UU church for quite some time. I've posted often on my blog about my spiritual yearning and how I feel unsatisfied at our church. I want and need to feel God and to worship how God is moving in my life on a Sunday morning. For the past couple of years I haven't felt that at a UU church. Even the mention of God often gets gasps or eyerolls (which, to be honest, may have been part of the problem with the minister, but no one admits that). Church often feels dry. I mean, I am very much a believer in environmental issues and social justice issues and I believe those things are exactly what we are called to do. However, I can attend a lecture on carbon emissions or the life of Martin Luther King Jr. at one of the local college campuses. On Sunday mornings I'd rather be moved and feel closer to God.

And so I don't feel compelled to stay at our church or even to seek out another UU church. I still feel very strongly that I support the 7 UU principles and in theory I will always be a UU. But in practice, I need more.

We are going slowly with the liberal Quaker meeting we've been attending each week. We aren't going to jump into membership quite as quickly as we did with the UU church. But so far we really like it. My husband and I spend a lot of time talking about both churches and our experiences in each. We are struck by the compassion and joy of the Quaker meeting. We have also been going enough that we've picked up on a division of sorts that has happened at the Quaker meeting as well. This one has to do with a disagreement about building an extension to the church. But there is a major difference. Both sides of the issue feel very strongly that the most important thing is the unity of the church and that nothing should be done to harm that, first and foremost. The church was first established in 1826 and they feel a strong duty to their ancestors to respect the history of the church and to preserve the future. And they speak so lovingly to each other. It's so refreshing.

So I am sad but hopeful.

We've Got the Whole World in our Hands

2008-04-06T20:28:00.003-04:00

Today we went to the Quaker meeting again. This time was the first time my youngest son went to the children's class during worship. Since it was his first time and he didn't know anyone, I went with him.

The children (there were 9 of them) are learning a song to sing in front of the adults in a few weeks. It's an updated version of "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands". In the process of practicing this song, they are talking about taking care of the planet and how we all have the world in our hands and it is up to us to take care of it. They talked about pollution and recycling and what it means to "go green". It was very cool. The only way it differed from a UU RE class was that during the children's message, they talked about how God loves them all no matter what they do. Nothing that they could ever do would make God give up on them. And then at the very end of class they had the children bow their heads and they said a prayer thanking God for all of the children, asking him to take care of them this week and to help them remember the song they're learning and what it all means.

I thought it was a nice class. And they had snack which sold my son. ;-)

Easter, new life, and church homes

2008-04-03T15:47:00.003-04:00

I've been trying to think through my current spiritual state and make some sense of it. I feel like I'm at sea and being tossed all around and I'm trying to get my bearings and figure out which way I want to go. I haven't said much here because I, frankly, didn't know how to put into words what I'm thinking.

This year for Easter we attended the Quaker meeting that we've visited several times. We took the two youngest boys with us. Being Quaker, there wasn't a lot of pomp and circumstance like some denominations do. But that's okay. I feel very attracted to the idea of simplicity. That isn't to say that it was a small or insignificant service. We got there early (thankfully) and it was packed! They had to bring out folding chairs and set them up in the aisles because it was so crowded. And the message was lovely. They didn't try to say that they've got the answers of what happened. They merely pointed out that, no matter what your belief about what happened that day in the tomb outside of Jerusalem 2000 years ago, the affect that it has today on our lives/religions is obvious.

I especially liked the emphasis on the resurrection leading to new life. For the children's focus that Sunday, one of the meeting's members (who happens to be a farmer) brought in baby chicks and ducks to show the magic of new life coming from eggs - a symbol of Easter. And in the end there was focus on the idea that we can let Jesus be resurrected through us by bringing God's love into the world in the way that we live. What a terrific and spot-on message. I felt uplifted and didn't feel the weight of that whole "did it really happen" question that I often get at Easter. I also left the meeting that day feeling like it was the first day of the rest of my life. I feel like changes are coming and, instead of fearing them, I am excited about what my future holds.

I really love the services at the Quaker meeting. The formula seems to be (after announcements, joys and concerns, and focusing silence) reading of biblical scripture and then a narrative based on something contemporary and local that always ties in with the scripture and illustrates how we can interpret the bible in meaningful ways for our lives today and where we live. It is exactly what a service should be. It is definitely Christian, but I have not yet felt uncomfortable with its institutionalized Christianity. So far, this is the only Christian congregation I've attended where I can truly say that. It seems to be about the celebration of God's love for the world as exemplified by Jesus rather than worshipping the messenger and focusing on what happens after death, which seems to be what most Christian churches are all about.

I have even caught Big J reading the bible on more than one occasion! That is really quite amazing because he has some serious baggage from his fundamentalist upbringing. Until recently, he wouldn't even look at a bible. Now he is really interested. I think this Quaker meeting has shown him a more loving side of Christianity. He's discovered what he calls "red letter Christians" (as in those Christians who focus on the words of Jesus that are in red in the bible as their basis for Christianity). He has also been moved by people who are openly Christian and yet stand up for environmental priorities - something he doesn't recognize from his Christian childhood.

The more we visit this Quaker meeting, the less and less I feel drawn to our UU church. I'm still on the church membership list so I am receiving email messages that are being sent out detailing the painful process that is going on there now regarding what could end up being a divisive split in the church. There is just a lot of hateful meanness going on there and I just find myself repulsed by it. It makes me sad. Every week they say in the convenant that "Love is the spirit of this church," but at this point those seem to be empty words and the actions of the people in the congregation are actually the opposite of this supposed covenant. Sigh. So I feel I have one foot out the door where that is concerned. It is hard to be motivated to return when there is such a palpable feeling of joy and compassion at the Quaker meeting.

Oh, one last thing. Speaking of new life, don't forget to check out my new gardening blog at Dirt in my Fingernails. It's brand new and there isn't much there yet, but I have big plans for this summer.

A companion blog

2008-03-30T10:06:00.002-04:00

I have created a second blog as a gardening blog. As I mentioned in my post entitled Hoping for New Growth last August, we have been planning bigger and better things for our garden this year. I need it to maintain my sanity over the summer - my dark season.

There isn't much there yet, but come back soon and often. I plan to share info about what we're doing in our garden and post pictures along the way.

My gardening journal: Dirt in my Fingernails

Stations of the Cross and Paul

2008-03-16T19:13:00.003-04:00

Lest you think I'm combining these two topics, I included both the Stations of the Cross and Paul in my title today because I want to address both of these separate and distinct topics.

This morning I went along as co-teacher on a field trip with our 5th/6th grade RE class to an outdoor retreat center at a Catholic church so that we could walk the Stations of the Cross. (FYI, the Stations of the Cross is a 14-stop walk that symbolizes the walk that Jesus made through Jerusalem on Good Friday on his way to his execution.) We took 8 of our young people and 6 adults. Of course, we framed it all in our UU perspective, but I have to say it is one of the few experiences that I've had at the UU church which really struck me to the core. Most of what I do at the UU church feels so spiritually dry and empty that this was an amazing and blessed departure. I love having Jesus as part of my church experience, which at the UU church is rare. After all, it *is* Palm Sunday.

Then this afternoon was the monthly meeting of my UU Christian Circle. Our discussion topic for the day was Paul. I have to say that I haven't been a fan a Paul. I have attributed much of what I feel is wrong with the modern Christian church to Paul. Our discussion today (based on the Living the Questions curriculum developed by the United Methodist Church) has caused me to rethink Paul and makes me want to go back and reread the Pauline parts of the New Testament. What I learned was two earth-shattering and important things.

First, of the 13 letters often attributed to Paul, scholars only think 7 were actually written by Paul himself. The other 6 are believed to have been written later by followers of Paul who adapted his message to soften Paul's message of radical grace. So it is possible that the misogynist and homophobic statements attributed to Paul may actually have come from his followers who were trying to make Paul's teachings fit in a patriarchal, conservative society.

The second thing I learned was about the mistranslation of the word Pistis from the original text. This word was translated originally as "faith in" as in having "faith in Jesus" being the key to salvation. But in reality the closer translation would have been "faithfulness of". So the key to salvation was in believing in the "faithfulness of Jesus". If the scriptures had been translated that way all along, the emphasis would have been in following the teachings of Jesus rather than worshiping and deifying the man. Christianity and the western world would have been a totally different thing if not for that one mistranslation.

I must reread the New Testament...

29th day of Lent

2008-03-05T20:59:00.003-05:00

This is my 29th day without coffee, and you know, I don't really even miss it anymore. Now I have to admit that the weekends are the hardest. It is especially hard on a Saturday afternoon when it is 28 degrees outside and I come inside from running errands. On those occasions, I have had some flashes of yearning for a cup of coffee and a good book while curled up under a blanket next to the window. But at least I am no longer hanging on and counting my life in terms of how long it is until the next cup of coffee. ;-/

By the way, I always thought Lent was 40 days (between Ash Wednesday and Easter). But tonight, in calculating how many days I've been without coffee, I find that 40 days actually takes me to Palm Sunday rather than Easter. So is "Lent" over on Palm Sunday or is Lent actually 47 days long? Not that it matters, but now I am confused...

Leaving a church?

2008-02-24T13:39:00.002-05:00

I haven't made a final move yet, but I am very close to quitting our UU church. We have decided not to renew our pledge of membership this year. We will change our status to "friends". Big J wants to feel free to go back occasionally if they should have any good sermon topics come along. I kind of feel a sadness when I think of leaving. But frankly, I hardly recognize the place anymore.

I won't get into the issues publicly, but there is a disagreement at our church that stands to tear the very fiber of the congregation into two. There is a very vocal bunch who just won't let this issue die. Their need to be "right" and "win" is so great that they are willing to watch the congregation implode as a result. As far as the disagreement goes, I don't really have an opinion one way or other about that. I do, however, have an opinion about a congregation which appears, these days, to be ruled by a group of people who are hell-bent (and I use that phrase purposely) on getting their way no matter what damage is done.

I think about the covenant that we say each week. I'm sure it is like most UU churches' covenants:
"Love is the Spirit of this church
Service is its law
To dwell together in peace
To seek the truth in love
And to help one another
This is our covenant."

Some of these people seem only to recognize the "Service is its law" piece of the covenant. They definitely don't consider Love to be the Spirit of the church, nor do they believe we should dwell together in peace, seek the truth in *love*, or help one another. They've become hateful and mean-spirited and are letting that control what is happening. These are not my values. The spiritual values that I think are most important to me are compassion and forgiveness and these people seem to be lacking in both. It is not a pleasant environment there anymore.

It makes me sad, but I see no solution on the horizon.

Today we visited the Quakers again for meeting. The compassion and joy I saw there is what I'm looking for.

A new routine

2008-02-22T19:22:00.003-05:00

So two weeks ago I started working at a different school filling in for a sixth grade teacher who just had a baby. I will be doing that until the end of March. It was a big change from teaching art. First of all, since it is at a new school, I am starting from square one. I have to learn all new student names, meet and get to know the other teachers/staff, learn the new routines for passing in the hallway, keeping records, grading, lunch/recess duties not to mention the specifics of teaching social studies and reading (the two subjects I teach). It is going well and I am adjusting. Everyone has been welcoming and I am getting used to it, but sometimes find myself homesick for the other school. This job actually keeps me much busier. I am going all day long without even a minute to check my email and I bring a lot more work home (either grading or lesson planning). I teach 86 students (4 classes) social studies and then I teach one reading class made up of 20 of the kids.

Meanwhile, we are freezing in Indiana. We had two days this week with a two-hour delay to the start of school because of weather. I am a nervous driver when it comes to snow and ice. I find myself fantasizing about summer and 80 degree weather. But tonight I will be hunkered down here at home with a fire in the fireplace, a glass of red wine, and the season finale of Monk (which we recorded last week and I haven't had the chance to watch yet!). I have a couple of books I've been reading so maybe I'll spend some time with them this weekend. Sometimes a weekend around the house is the best medicine for a hectic week. We do plan to go back to the Quaker church this Sunday, but that is the extent of our plans at this point.

Oh, one more thing...I have not been tempted ONCE to give in and drink coffee. I haven't had so much as a sip this entire Lent so far. And that is a real feat considering the cold weather we've had.

My spiritual journey meanders in a new direction

2008-02-18T07:52:00.002-05:00

My UU church is no longer feeding me. In fact, the environment there feels toxic these days. I have no desire to go there. (That is a depressing topic for another blog entry on another day.) But I feel the groundwork has been laid for the next branch in my seeking.

For several years I have been a fan of the books by Philip Gulley. He has co-written two books about universalism with James Mulholland. Gulley has also published a series of fictional books set in the small fictional Quaker town of Harmony.

Anyway, I was especially moved by Gulley and Mulholland's universalism books, If Grace is True, and If God is Love. They so resonated with me and helped me define my own growing Christianity. This is who I am as a Christian.

So it was only natural that eventually I would track down Philip Gulley's Quaker meeting house, Fairfield Friends Meeting, where he is pastor. It is ironic that it is only 10 minutes from my house and yet it took me 41 years to find it. I feel like his books and even my foray into Unitarian Universalism may all have been like bread crumbs left by God to guide me one step at a time in this direction.

We went to the Quaker meeting Sunday before last and I was surprised by how comfortable and at home I felt. This is a progressive Quaker meeting which includes things that make me comfortable - social justice efforts around the world, a non-literal interpretation of the Bible, and most importantly, the belief that Christianity is about love and compassion for all human beings.

I couldn't go back this week because of previous commitments I'd made at the UU church, but we will definitely be going back.

Teaching Art

2008-02-09T15:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my last day to teach art. My 10 weeks flew by before I knew it. It was fun and I learned a lot. I took a few pictures of the hallway displays I made of my students' artwork.

Here is a project the first graders made called Rose Window. They folded and cut shapes out of black construction paper and then glued different colors of tissue paper over the spaces. Very basic, but they were learning cutting and glueing skills at this age. I also tried to introduce symmetry and you can see that some got it and some didn't.

Here is another project done by the first graders. We studied the Dutch painter Piet Mondrian. His artwork is noted for having black horizontal and vertical lines on a white background, with random primary-colored quadrilaterals. This is the first graders' attempt to imitate Mondrian.

This next project was done by the second graders. We studied the concept of value, or the spectrum of light/dark of a color. The students painted geometric shapes that began as white shapes and then gradually expanded in shades of gray getting darker and darker with each layer.

This last photo is of the chalk pastel artwork done by the sixth graders. They chose nature photos out of magazines and made observational drawings of the photos and then colored them with chalk pastels. This was an exercise in blending and matching color in addition to practicing drawing skills. I don't know how well you can see them, but some turned out really well.

I took a few more photos yesterday, but I don't have them in digital format yet. I'll post them when I get them.

Lent - Breaking the Bonds

2008-02-07T18:02:00.000-05:00

I meant to make an Ash Wednesday post yesterday, but my schedule being what it is, I wasn't able to get online long enough. Since I accepted Christianity, I've loved the seasons of Lent and Advent because of the opportunity for spiritual focus. I'm not a Catholic and don't do things "by the book", but like all matters Christian, I'm finding there is much to be gained by taking a closer look at traditions.

In my pre-Christian days, with chip firmly placed on shoulder, I adamantly opposed the idea that I should be forced to give something up. I rolled my eyes at the idea that God would like me better if I gave up chocolate for six weeks. But now that I'm looking at things differently, I realize that rather than a burden, Lent is an opportunity. Twice a year (Advent being the second such time) I can focus with more intention on my spirituality and grow closer to God.

I just read a Lenten sermon from 2006 written by UU Minister, Rev. Amy B. Freedman, about voluntarily giving something up for Lent. You can read it yourself at Lent: Voluntary Surrender. I had already decided to give up coffee for Lent this year, and this sermon just confirms what I already felt. For a while now, coffee has had an unhealthy hold on my life. I have been held captive by the need for coffee. In recent months I had gotten to the point where I'd have 4-6 cups per day. Some might think that my desire to kick the coffee habit is health related. I admit that I know that much caffeine is not good for me. But the real reason I want to break the coffee bond is the psychological hold it has on me. I don't want to *need* any substance that much anymore. I want to develop more discipline and control over my life. I think of this as a spiritual battle. I am also being more intentional about daily prayer.

On Fat Tuesday I made myself a nice big mug of steaming coffee with cream and savored every sip. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I made myself a cup of tea. I'm not a fan of tea. It's only okay in my book. It is to help me get over the initial hurdle and then I won't drink it. Tea will not be hard to give up.

So far (after almost 2 days) I have not missed my coffee much. The only times I have thought about having coffee, it was an emotional thing and not a physical one. I miss the comfort of a cup of coffee after coming in from the cold or early in the morning while still in my jammies. This emotional reaction just confirms my belief that coffee had too much control in my life.

My son laughed and said he didn't believe I'd make it all the way to Easter without coffee. I will. Just you wait and see.

I live for moments like these

2008-01-22T17:18:00.000-05:00

Right now I am teaching my first grade classes how you can mix together primary colors and make secondary colors. They've talked about it and they know which colors make which, but they haven't actually done it themselves before. I am having them experience it through painting. On our papers we painted a yellow circle and a blue circle. I did it in a math-like formula (i.e. O + O = O) where we colored in the circles. I told them I didn't have green paint. One little boy's eyes lit up and he said, "We can mix together the yellow and the blue!" (He fed right into my lesson plan (wink, wink).) He was so excited. He acted as if he'd just figured out some complex equation or something. So I had them gather around me as I sat at a table. Using a paper towel as my palette, I had one dollop of yellow tempera paint and one dollop of blue tempera paint. I showed them how I could use my brush to mix the two together to form green. They were all leaning over watching with bated breath and when the color green finally became visible, they exclaimed, "Wow!" I hadn't seen them so excited before! It was like they didn't really believe it would really be green until they saw it with their own eyes. They couldn't wait to get the chance to do it themselves and they had trouble waiting for me to come around the room and give them the necessary paint.

We were working magic in that room, I tell you. And I will never forget it. I hope they don't either.

Metaphorical thinking

2008-01-21T07:45:00.000-05:00

My UU Christian Circle is using a progressive Christian curriculum called Living the Questions to guide our discussions each month. It is a set of DVD's with several people of note (including John Shelby Spong and Marcus Borg to name just two) who have much to say about finding a place in Christianity for those of us who question dogma and doctrine but long for the message.

Yesterday we had a discussion about thinking literally/critically (the need to determine the factual historical accuracy of a story) versus finding the truth of the story thru metaphor. It seems that all of the women in our group have moved beyond the need to "prove it" and into the acceptance of the truth of the metaphors. It is like passing through a set of large doors that opens you up to a whole new spirituality.

There was a time in my life that I was very much into the critical stage of thinking and, as a result, I totally rejected Christianity. There cannot be a man in the sky watching us, virgin births are impossible, people don't rise from the dead, etc. It wasn't until I was 36 years old that I was able to see past all that and realize that those stories and ideas do hold truth in the metaphoric sense. As soon as I realized that, I wanted to go back and reread the bible and see all of those stories through a new lens. Once I did that it really was as if I was "born again".

I am often frustrated that my two older sons have trouble with my new relationship with God and Christianity. But then after our UU Christian Circle discussion yesterday, I realized that they are both still stuck in the literal stage of looking at things. They don't think a person can walk on water so Mom must be crazy to buy into all of that. To them, there is no other way of seeing things. I need to be patient, expose them to different ways of understanding the story, and let God do his/her work with them.

The Faith Club

2008-01-19T12:16:00.000-05:00

I just finished the most amazing book. The book, The Faith Club: A Muslim, A Christian, A Jew - Three Women Search for Understanding by Ranya Idliby, Suzanne Oliver, and Priscilla Warner, is a collaborative non-fiction book that these three women wrote about their experience forming an interfaith discussion group. I have to say it is one of the best books I've read recently and I was brought to tears more than once while reading it. It reminded me a lot of my own UU Christian Circle group. Anyone on a spiritual journey (and aren't we all, really?) would do well to read it. I picked mine up at the local public library. They also have a website that you can check out which includes information about how to start your own Faith Club. Their website is www.thefaithclub.com.

Love it!

Illness - of the computer variety

2008-01-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

Well, we were finally hit with a computer virus. We had virus protection software installed and had been lucky for years, but our time ran out. Those hackers out there with Too Much Time On Their Hands finally came out with a virus that got to us before the protection update did. Our hard drive took a big hit. Thus explains my absence from the internet for the last two weeks.

However, my husband, who is an IT manager had his recovery team working on it and I think they managed to salvage some of our old info from the diseased hard-drive. But Big J hasn't had time time yet to get it loaded onto the hard-drive we are now using. So for the time being I am without my address book, my URL favorites, and important info (passwords and such) that I'd saved in old email messages. So I'm stumbling along like a toddler learning to walk. For now.

But at least I am back online.

But then Edwards looked good in the NH debate

2008-01-06T16:54:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize there was a debate last night. We went out for dinner and got home just as the commentary about the Republican debate ended. I missed that whole thing. But I was just in time for the Democrat debate. For those who missed it, the two debates were at a small college in New Hamshire in anticipation of next week's primaries there. To qualify to be in the debate, you had to place in the top 4 in your given party at last week's Iowa caucuses. So the Dems were Edwards, Obama, Richardson, and Clinton. (I believe the GOP debaters were Romney, Huckabee, McCain, and Thompson.)

So anyway, just after I declared that my allegiances were swaying toward Obama in my last blog post, I may just have to rescind that. I still like Obama so far (heck, I'd be happy with any of the Democrats over any of the Republicans at this point), but I was mightily impressed with Edwards last night. He was on fire. One of the commentators afterward said that all the candidates showed fatigue and looked haggard. Only Edwards seemed energized. He came to Obama's aid when Clinton suggested his calls for change were too vague. He kept returning to the idea that we need to take the power away from the special interest lobbyists and to consort with them makes it impossible for you to fight them later. (I'm not totally up on my research, but I couldn't help but feel that this was a jab at Hillary and a suggestion that she is in the back pockets of certain Washington lobbyist groups.) It almost sounded like he considers her to represent the problems with the establishment while he wants to change things. He repeated that he'd never taken any money at all from special interest groups, implying, of course, that other candidates had.

His passionate speaking with regard to the healthcare problems that real Americans face these days and his citing his own background and parents made him seem really concerned and not just throwing those things out there as campaign tools.

I was impressed.

After the debate was over I had the feeling that:
* Bill Richardson doesn't really stand a chance against these other 3 although he is a likeable enough guy
* I like Hillary less and less as a potential candidate each time I see her
* Of the 4 debaters, Edwards was by far the most passionate
* I want to know more about Obama

Obama it is

2008-01-04T19:13:00.000-05:00

After the Iowa caucus yesterday, I felt I needed to look into this whole election thing a little bit closer. So I went to the Select Smart 2008 Presidential Candidate Selector. It's supposed to tell you which candidate is most closely aligned with your own values. It probably isn't the most scientific tool, but it did confirm for me that Barack Obama is my man. So then I went to www.barackobama.com to find out more about who he is and what he stands for. I do admit he sounds like my kind of candidate.

So with this in mind, I am looking forward to the New Hampshire primary coming up.

Eyes on Iowa

2008-01-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

To tell the truth, I've only been paying marginal attention to the build-up for the 2008 presidential election. Early on there are so many candidates, many of whom I won't even ever get the chance to vote for, so I wait for things to congeal a bit. I'm in Indiana so our primary is one of the last ones. Usually by the time it is Indiana's turn to vote, the party's candidates have been all but officially selected. But I go through the motions anyway out of a sense of civic duty.

This morning I checked out the Indianapolis newspaper to see what is being said about the candidates. I'm not sure which candidate I prefer. It is so hard to read their generic blurbs and make any decision. As much as I try to be open-minded and consider all the candidates, I almost immediately eliminate the Republican candidates. Anyone who braggingly calls himself a conservative sends up a red flag to me. Also, anyone who touts "the sanctity of human life" (while often opposing funding social programs...ironically) is also scratched off the list. "The sanctity of human life" sounds good, but we all know that is double-speak for legislation against reproductive rights. So no.

Anyway, it seems to be boiling down to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Edwards. I honestly don't know which one I prefer. I'd love to see a woman president (purely for my own female motives) but I don't always agree with her opinions, particularly her early support of the war in Iraq. I like John Edwards a lot. I don't really know much about Barack Obama, but lots of people seem to really like him. He talks about wanting to unite the country and that is a good philosophy (although I don't know how realistic that idea is).

I guess I need to do some homework and read up on these people. Living in Indiana, I don't really know that it even matters which Democrat I vote for since the Republican candidate will likely take this red state, but I give it the old college try anyway. I couldn't sleep at night if I didn't do something to try to change the mess this country has gotten into.

New Vegetarian New Year's Day menu

2008-01-02T08:26:00.000-05:00

I usually serve corned beef and cabbage on New Year's Day. I don't really know why. It's just what we always did in my family when I was growing up. It probably points way back to my ethnic heritage. But usually I was the only one who ate it. And while I like cabbage when cooked the right way, corned beef was never my favorite meat. Very fatty and it just tastes like it is bad for you.

Last week after Christmas, we stopped in at a Borders bookstore and I went searching for a family vegetarian cookbook. I've been wanting one for a while now and since I didn't get one as a Christmas gift, I took matters into my own hands. I ended up buying Nava Atlas' Vegetarian Family Cookbook.

In the past I've had issues getting my two youngest boys in particular to get on board with some of my vegetarian recipes. My husband and teenager are already won over to vegetarian eating and generally like whatever I make. The 11 and 6 year old, on the other hand, are quick to sneer and say "yuck".

So the day after I bought the cookbook I made her Classic Vegetarian Chili and it was a success. Everyone liked it and we had leftovers for the next day. I was excited about the new cookbook.

Fast-forward to New Year's Day. Big J requested an Asian stir-fry meal. So using my new cookbook, I decided to make Asian Noodles with Stir-Fried Corn and Cabbage and I paired it with Orange-Glazed Tofu and Broccoli. Even my 6yo ate his dinner! I was amazed.

It was funny. After we'd been eating for a while, we were talking about how it was pretty good. My 15yo completely cleared his plate, my husband cleared his plate, I was almost completely done and my two younger boys had made serious dents in what they'd eaten. I was commenting on the cabbage in the noodle dish and my 11yo informed me he didn't like cabbage. I looked at his plate and noticed that cabbage was about the first thing he'd eaten! There was none left on his plate. I told him it must have been the way I cooked it. ;-)

Brand Spankin' New Year!

2008-01-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

It is with great joy that I say we have finally put 2007 to bed for good. Good riddance! I didn't feel a desire to recap 2007. 2007 was one of (if not *the*) worst years of my life and I am not sorry it is over. By the end of the year, things started to look up and so I am hopeful that this time next year I have a much more positive summary to give for 2008.

My blogging will probably continue to be sporadic while I am working full-time. I'll make up for it next summer when I'm home all the time.

I do want to make a couple of additions to my blog this year. Several years ago I kept a running list of books I read in a given year. I haven't done that in recent years and my memory isn't great. So I thought starting in 2008 I will replace my generic "library thing" list with my current reading list. Maybe I'll also keep a running list of movies I see this year. (We almost *never* go to theaters anymore so it'll mostly be from Blockbuster Online rentals.) I wonder if my readers will be interested in this. I admit I'm mostly doing it for myself just as a reminder of the thoughts that go in and out of my head. As soon as I finish one of the books I'm reading I'll set up the list.

Oh, and we are getting closer to a big election, so I'm sure 2008 will be chock full of those kinds of discussions as well.

Happy New Year 2008

2007-12-31T10:32:00.000-05:00

About 5 years ago, my family started a new tradition as part of our annual New Year's Eve family celebration. We have the following survey saved on computer. Each year I print out a copy for each family member and we fill it out. We've kept the surveys in a binder and it is fun to see how we've all evolved over time. Anyway, I thought I'd post on my neglected blog and wish all my readers a Happy 2008 by sharing this year's survey with you. I do have to note that our home version includes spaces for "height" and "weight" (particularly interesting for growing kids and dieting parents), but I'm leaving those categories off my online survey. Feel free to steal my format for your own blogs if you wish.

List your favorites from 2007:

Book: Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
Movie: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
TV Show: What Not to Wear
Song: The Prayer
Singer/Group: Celtic Woman
Holiday: St. Patrick's Day!
Christmas Gift: Coffee maker with built-in grinder
Dinner Food: vegetarian lasagna, salad, garlic bread and red wine
Snack: chips and dip (very unhealthy!)
Ice Cream Flavor: Death by Chocolate
Drink: Snapple Diet Peach Tea
Color: (changes constantly but today...) pink
Hobby/Relaxing Thing: scrapbooking
Toy: my son's handheld Sudoku game

Where did you go on vacation?
Smoky Mountains National Park (and Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, TN)

What 2 news stories do you remember most?
1 the ongoing war in Iraq
2 recall of toys made in China

What is your proudest accomplishment this year?
FINALLY being chosen to fill two maternity leaves!

What will you remember this year for?
Hopefully this is a turning point in my career. This is the year I hit rock bottom and I'm ready for an upswing.

Make 1 New Year’s Resolution!!
Everything is possible with babysteps!

Approaching Advent

2007-11-24T10:07:00.000-05:00

Advent is a religious season that is not even practiced by all Christians let alone your average UU. However, as my faith has evolved, I have found the liturgy of intentional practice during both Advent and Lent to be very fulfilling. This will be the third year that I've practiced Advent in my home and each year I "tweak" the process. Our Advent observation is very UU in orientation. I have gathered various reflections and readings from sources on the internet and have compiled them into something that works for our family.

December 2, 2007 is the first Sunday of Advent this year. In preparation for Advent, I make an advent wreath to place as a centerpiece in our family's dining table. I use a regular wreath I've bought at a Christmas supply shop (fake so I can reuse it each year although a real one would work as well). Inside the wreath I place four taper candle holders (one for each Sunday of Advent). In the center of the wreath I place a white pillar candle to be lit only on Dec. 24. On each Sunday of Advent, after dinner I will have some sort of dessert during which we will have our Advent focus. On the first Sunday, we will light one candle, recite some lines together, and then I will share the focus of the day. Then we will have a reflection for that day.

I really feel that since we have begun observing Advent as a family, the holiday season has become less about consumerism and "give me, give me" and more about the thoughtful and joyful celebration that we get through our faith and a reminder to reach out and be God's hands in the world.

A Day in the Life of a Brand New Elementary School Art Teacher

2007-11-22T08:09:00.000-05:00

This is really long and I apologize in advance. But if you've ever wondered what it is like to be a teacher, maybe this will be a glimpse into that world...

6:30 The sound of my husband getting out of the shower and rumbling around in the restroom wakes me and I shuffle to the kitchen for a cup of instant coffee and my first caffeine of the day. After checking in with my teenage son quickly about his plans for the day, I trade with my husband for the bathroom and step into the shower. By the time I am out of the shower 20 minutes later, my oldest son has already gone out to catch the school bus and my husband is eating his breakfast and about to leave for work.

7:00 Clad in bathrobe and a towel around my hair, I go into the younger boys’ room to wake them for the day. They grumble, but stumble out of bed and head for the dining room table as if led by a beacon. I make them each a bowl of instant oatmeal and pour small glasses of milk. Then for me it is back to my bedroom to change into my clothes. I usually have the local news on the TV so I can catch the day’s weather forecast and decide what to wear. Once I change my clothes, I am in the bathroom to dry my hair, apply makeup, and use my flatiron to style my hair. If I’m lucky, I’ll bring a bowl of cereal or oatmeal into the bathroom with me so I can eat bites in between makeup application. Fortunately, my 11yo son is independent. After finishing breakfast, he dresses himself, brushes his teeth and hair, and puts on his shoes and socks. When I am finished with myself, I track down the 5yo to change his clothes and brush his teeth.

7:50 We all grab our bags and whatever coat fits the day’s weather and head to the van. After quickly dropping the boys at the sitter’s house, I am on my way to the school.

8:15 When I arrive at the school, I stop in at the office to sign in. (I’ll only have to do this for the first few weeks until I switch over to “teacher pay”.) I order my lunch for the day and chat with the two secretaries and another teacher who is standing in the office. Then I head to the teacher’s lounge for another cup of coffee. Fortified with more caffeine, I head down the long hallway to the art room. Glancing around the room, I remember I wanted to double check the paintbrushes that the kids cleaned yesterday to make sure they’d gotten all the paint out. I set down my coffee and turn on the computer. Yesterday’s artwork was left in the drying rack over night to dry so I have to collect 3 different classes worth and put them into the correct storage drawer by grade and class. A third grade teacher whose class I had yesterday sticks her head in the door and we have a conversation about two girls that I had to reprimand for painting each other’s faces with tempera paint when the went to clean their brushes. I glance at the clock and notice I need to head outside for car rider/bus drop-off duty.

8:30 Putting my coat back on and grabbing my walkie talkie from its cradle on the window ledge, I walk up the main hallway to the front door and out onto the sidewalk where 20 or so children have already congregated. I notice the second graders are all wearing pajamas. Today is “pajama day” and they’ve brought slippers and pillows with them. Several of them want to show me their pajamas. I stand under the awning with them chatting about how comfortable they all look and supervising them to make sure they stay back from the incoming traffic as the buses arrive. Fortunately it’s a balmy morning for November. At 8:40 the first bell rings and the students are allowed into the building. They begin pouring out of the buses and slowly making their way to the two entrances. The gym and music teacher are also here supervising. We’re spread out along the sidewalk greeting the kids and making sure they all walk. Running is not usually a problem in the morning. Now, in the afternoon at release time is when running is a real temptation.

8:50 I stand inside the main doors by the office as the last of the car riders straggle in. When the 8:50 tardy bell rings, I have to direct any students who come in to go into the office for a tardy pass. Meanwhile, the morning announcements begin on the TV’s in each classroom as well as the one in the entryway of the school. Two sixth-grade girls are leading the school in the Pledge of Allegiance and the school pledge and telling us what is for lunch today. I make my way back to the art room to get ready for my first class of the day. I have 6 large tables in my room and on each table is a basket with 4 pencils and a plastic eraser. Every morning I sharpen all 24 pencils. The chairs are upside down on the tables but I leave them for the 6th graders to take down.

9:00 A 6th grade class has arrived for my first class of the day. They are finishing up chalk pastel drawings they’ve made using magazine photographs of nature scenes as their guides. Some of them are absolutely beautiful. In a couple of examples, they carefully blend chalk in shades of yellow, orange, pink, and purple to make a sunset scene at a beach or yellow, orange, red and brown to show a country hillside with the changing leaves of fall. A couple of slow boys still have 75% of their picture to finish and they get more chalk on their fingers and table than their artwork. But generally I am pleased. This will be the last day they work on this project. Next class we will start a project based on Islamic art.

9:40 The 6th graders clean up their tables and leave just as a 5th grade class arrives. They have been working on printmaking. They’ve made prints of fish they’ve drawn on rectangles of foam. They apply ink by rolling it on and then press the print onto paper. This class has already made one print each of their fish using black ink on white paper. Today I am placing trays of red, blue, or yellow ink on the tables. The students are to make two additional prints of their fish using the ink color of their choice on the paper color of their choice. This is a big class so it is rather chaotic as they move around the room making their prints. The final result, however, is nice. They are also finishing this project. Next class we will begin talking about primitive cave art and will make a mural for the hallway.

10:20 The 5th graders clean the ink off of their tables and leave as a 4th grade class arrives. Today we are starting a new project. Before we get into the project itself, we use the 4th grade art textbooks to discuss pattern and motif. I lead a long discussion to make sure everyone understands what both motif and pattern mean. I draw examples of different kinds of patterns on the board. We look for other examples of patterns around the room and think of some back in their classroom or at home. During the last 15 minutes of class I hand out a worksheet about pattern and motif to help me determine if they’ve understood the main concepts of the day. Next class we'll begin creating a paper quilt using two different motifs and two different media.

11:05 The 4th graders leave and I have a 5 minute break. I put the stack of pattern worksheets on my desk next to the computer so I can grade them later during my prep period. Then I go over to my sink to wash off the ink plates and rollers from the 5th grade class. I get the water too hot and scald my right thumb and a blister pops up. I leave the plates and rollers to dry, grab a sweater, and make my way downstairs to the cafeteria. I meet the librarian in the hallway. She and I have lunch duty during the 1st and 2nd graders’ lunch period. We walk around making sure they don’t fight or get out of their seats without asking and they keep the talking to a dull roar. Today some of the classes are eating in their classrooms so it is a quiet day. It is the day before Thanksgiving and one class is dressed as pilgrims and Indians. After they finish and take their trays up to be washed, the librarian leads them all in a rousing game of Simon Says before their teachers come to take them out to recess.

11:45 I have one hour and 20 minutes to eat lunch and for my prep period. Usually I eat lunch with the 3rd and 4th grade teachers first and them have my prep period after lunch. Today I decide to do my prep first so I can eat lunch later with my friends, the 5th and 6th grade teachers. First, I have to track down one of the custodians. I am going to have a class painting this afternoon and we need papertowels. Lots of papertowels. Once I get an industrial-sized roll of towels, I head back to the classroom where I grade the worksheets from 4th grade. Then I look at the planbook for next week. I need to write up the lesson plans for the 6th grade Islamic art project, the 5th grade cave art mural, and a 3rd grade mosaic project. I have to gather all the demo materials and other resources for each project. Once I gather all the materials, I place them into my bag in the closet so I remember to take them home. I’ll have to write the lessons at home as there is no time during the school day. Then I fill in the planbook with the continuation of ongoing projects for 4th, 2nd, and 1st grades. Just as I finish, I notice it’s time for lunch.

12:30 This is one of my favorite parts of the day. I sit in the teacher’s lounge eating a tray of food I’ve brought up from the cafeteria and we talk about whatever is on everyone’s minds today. There is a lot of joking around and teasing the few males in the room. Between laughing, we actually manage to eat. Everyone is in a good mood because we are starting a four-day weekend.

1:00 I go back to my room to brace myself for 3rd grade and painting. After yesterday’s face-painting escapade, I am going to be much stricter about letting the students loose on this. Despite mounting excitement over the coming weekend, this class goes pretty well. The third grades are working on a painting based on .Thiebaud’s Pies, Pies, Pies. They have lots of desserts. I’ve been teaching them how to mix various colors of paint to make pie crust, chocolate, pumpkin, strawberry, banana, etc. Some of them look really good. Others are kind of a mess, but they are learning about mixing colors. The mess and clean up are the worst parts.

1:45 The 3rd graders clean up their tables and brushes and hang their paintings to dry in the drying rack as the 2nd grade class comes in. We are starting a new project. Using the textbook, we look at black and white photography and discuss value. I’ve also brought in a book of Ansel Adams photography from home. We discuss how the photographs look using only shades of black, white, and gray. I show the students how you can make different values of gray depending on how hard you press with your pencil when drawing. At the end of class I have them do a worksheet so I can determine if they understand what is meant by value. At their next class we will begin a value painting with geometric shapes and paint in shades of black, gray, and white.

2:30 The 2nd graders leave and first grade comes in. I am teaching them how to make bubble letters. They each get a sheet of practice paper and use pencils to practice the bubble letters as I draw the entire alphabet one letter at a time on the chalkboard. They are really excited about this and I notice that this particular class can benefit from the review of the alphabet. After we practice all of the letters, I have them practice making bubble letters for their own names. Then we begin a project where they make bubble letters for their name on slick paper. Next class we will use markers to color in the letters and add graffiti around the outside of the letters.

3:10 The first graders go back to their classroom as the principal comes on the intercom for the daily afternoon announcements. He announces each class that had perfect attendance that day and we can hear that class cheer. Meanwhile, I go get my coat and my walkie talkie again and head outside for dismissal duty. At 3:15 the car rider bell rings and those children come out to find their cars. By the time the last student is picked up, it is almost 3:30. We signal the buses who are parked across the street to come over and line up next to our sidewalk. As they come, we attach a colored bandana to each right side mirror. The buses are color-coded from day 1 to help the youngest and special-needs children find the right bus. Once the buses are in place, the secretary comes over the intercom and asks teachers to “dismiss all buses at this time”. The doors burst open and the children flood the sidewalk. In a matter of minutes, it is quiet again and the buses are loaded. We wave and retrieve the bandanas as the buses pull out.

3:40 The last students have gone. I make my way back to the classroom to make sure all of today’s supplies are cleaned or put away. The first graders forgot to turn the chairs upside down on the table, so I begin doing it. The custodian comes in to sweep my floor and helps me with the chairs. I erase the chalkboard and go turn off my computer for the night. If it was a weeknight, I might stay and grade papers or work on hanging some artwork into the hallway. But it is the night before Thanksgiving and I am ready for the weekend too. At 4:00 I grab my things and make my way slowly to the parking lot, wishing Happy Thanksgiving to the teachers I pass in the hallway.

4:30 Once I’ve picked my 5yo up from the sitter, the first thing I do when I get home is sit down in the recliner and put my feet up. I am so tired and my feet and hips ache. Once I rest a bit, I have to go take some Tylenol. There are dirty breakfast dishes on the counter, but even standing right now hurts. I’ll have to wait until the Tylenol kicks in before I can deal with them. And dinner? I’ll call my husband and have him pick something up. At least my lesson plans can wait until after the holiday to write

Honey and vinegar

2007-11-17T22:56:00.000-05:00

"You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." That saying has been weighing heavily on my mind for several weeks now. Particularly, there is a person in my life for whom this saying always jumps to mind.

She and I lead very similar lives. We have children similar ages and in similar activities. We are both substitute teachers who are trying to get full-time teaching jobs. We even have similar appearances. I've been mistaken for her on more than one occasion.

However, there is one notable difference. It is our dispositions. Now, I don't pretend to be Miss Holly Golightly. I have been down, particularly in the last few months. But I make a conscious effort not to take that face out into the world. I know it won't do me any good and won't further my causes.

This particular person is...well...a grumpy gus. She is always complaining about something. She snaps at people over the littlest things. She's just generally not a fun person to be around and I've noticed more and more people avoiding her lately. Her vinegar isn't attracting any flies.

She and I have commisserated over our struggles to get a job. I have made a decided effort to keep from complaining, but it is something that we do have in common. I have recently become aware of the fact that, while she in some ways is more experienced than me, she is having more trouble getting long-term gigs. I've learned that she is "not liked" by teachers and students and parents. I have also become more aware that I am generally well liked. My opportunities have started exploding on several fronts.

To help me get through my difficult times and keep fighting the good fight, I have prayed daily that I may be God's hands in the world. I try to be grateful for what I have and know that I have all that I need. God will provide. In every interaction I have with people, I try to remember to see the face of God in everyone and carry that awareness into the world. I really do feel like it has made a difference for me.

Meanwhile, I feel sort of bad for this woman. While I admit that she gets on my nerves too, deep down she is really trying hard to get a job. She honestly has no idea why she is having such a hard time. She is always grumbling about some kind of political subterfuge. She doesn't realize that her personality turns people off. I have not been able to think of a tactful way to suggest that maybe she could be a little friendlier to people. And I don't even know if it is my place. I was really uncomfortable when we were recently in a common group situation and others were talking to me about my upcoming maternity leaves. She was suddenly quiet as I believe the news was a surprise to her. And I felt a little guilty. I know that I got the jobs because of my own qualifications.

It is just awkward. I have my own opinions about what this woman's problems are in getting a job, but my sense of good manners keeps me quiet.

Changing focus

2007-11-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

I miss my blog world.

I've been so busy with life lately that I'm neglecting my blog. But it's all good. Next Monday I start a new job teaching elementary school art full-time. I'm filling in for the art teacher who is having a baby and taking 10 weeks off. I'm really excited about it. I will be teaching children all kinds of art projects and I'll be able to explore my own artistic side which will be really cool.

My intention and hope is to share some of my projects with you all. I'm having digital camera issues at the moment so I can't make any promises, but I'm going to try.

Wish me luck! I'll see you all in the teacher's lounge!

Vegetarian Families

2007-11-04T15:25:00.000-05:00

Now that our life is getting back onto a more even keel (knock on wood) we are trying to practice vegetarianism more. My 15 year old is the most devout vegetarian in the family. He has consistently been vegetarian since about last April. The rest of us, however, have not been very good at avoiding meat lately. To be honest, we have had to make use of some charitable food sources and have found them to be heavy on the meat. The saying, "Beggars can't be choosers," immediately comes to mind.

But as we have more power to decide for ourselves what we eat, I am trying to merge back onto the vegetarian highway. ;-)

I have a small collection of recipes that I can fall back on. But generally, I have found that most of my veggie recipes don't go over well with the kids. I look at vegetarian websites and vegetarian cookbooks and find recipes that are just not very tasty to kids. Now, as an adult, I often love the recipes. But if I have to listen to complaining during every meal or watch my son's pants slide down on him and see his ribs because he's so thin, I need to find something else.

There especially seems to be a dearth of plain old vegetarian websites. The "in" thing seems to be vegan. Hey, at this point, I'm doing well just to get my kids to cut out meat - I'm not ready to push it.

And I do admit to being more than a little put off at the holier-than-thou tone on some of the websites. Contrary to what some may think, meat eaters are not bad or even stupid. Different people have different opinions. A little more respect for that reality would be welcome, as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, I've added a few links to my blog over on the right side of the page. I'm hoping to find some good resources to jumpstart our veggie eating again. If any of my readers knows of a good website or can recommend a family-friendly veggie cookbook, please leave me a comment. Thanks!

"October's poplars are flaming torches lighting the way to winter" - Nova Bair

2007-10-22T08:16:00.000-04:00

The woods in October in Indiana, I think, are at their best. The leaves whose greens blend together in summer, become defined in shades of gold, orange, red, yellow, brown. With each passing breeze a few stray leaves begin their slow glide to the ground. Acorns litter the ground, waiting for the wildlife to gather them up.

Last week we had Fall Break at school so we decided to take one last camping trip before the weather turns too cold. This time we went to Yellowwood State Forest in southern Indiana. Camping in October is so different from camping in May or June or July. We dressed in layers, huddling around the campfire at night out of necessity. Temperature ratings on sleeping bags were put to the test this time. And when we woke in the morning, our breath was visible until the sun warmed us up again. Instead of cold drinks and hot dogs, this time around we prefered beef stew for dinner and oatmeal with hot chocolate for breakfast.

As much as I love camping and hiking in the early summer and identifying spring wildflowers, I have to admit that I really love autumn camping too. There is nothing like a scary ghost story told while huddled for warmth around a campfire in October.

Before I go I want to show you the view of the lake on Saturday morning as the sun rose behind the trees before the morning fog had burned off. A more beautiful sight I cannot imagine...

Knowing God is the reward

2007-10-19T09:45:00.000-04:00

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a talk (lecture seems like too formal a word) by co-authors Philip Gulley and James Mulholland at my church. Together they have authored If Grace is True: Why God Will Save Every Person and If God Is Love: Rediscovering Grace in an Ungracious World. I'd read both of these books some time ago and consider them among the few transformative spiritual books that I have read on my journey. They helped me to define who I am and what I believe.

I was almost ecstatic when I learned that Gulley and Mulholland would be speaking at my church. While their books are gaining attention nationally, they are actually located not far from where I live. This is their home territory. They are just as entertaining in person as they are in their books.

Many things were said. Much of what they said was material from their books that I'd already become familiar with. I sat there nodding my head a lot. One thing they said which really put the whole thing in crystal clear terms for me was talking about our relationship with God.

Some believe our relationship with God is all about fear. We should fear a wrathful God and go about our lives trying to avoid his punishment. Others believe our relationship is about reward. We should jump through this hoop or that hoop in order to appease God and thus, gain his "eternal" reward. But what Mulholland suggested was that just knowing God *is* the reward. We participate in religion and spirituality not to appease an angry God or to manipulate God into giving us something, but we participate out of love for God and the joy that we are able to know God.

Another meaningful thing that was said was about their opinions of a possible afterlife. They pointed out that all discussion about an afterlife is speculation because no one can know until they die. But our opinions about an afterlife greatly impact how we treat other people in this life. It is for that reason that we should think about what we believe and why and how that motivates us to live in this life.

Very cool discussion.

"God works in mysterious ways"

2007-10-10T20:12:00.000-04:00

I remember hearing people say, "God works in mysterious ways," and not really getting it. I have now come to the conclusion that God works in a way that isn't at all mysterious. I believe we (human beings) are the hands of God and through us he moves and creates and sustains the world.

As you've probably noticed, I haven't been around the blog world much lately. Uumomma even emailed me recently to check in on me because I'd been feeling low when last I was posting a lot. I'm popping in tonight to let everyone know that my absence from the blogosphere isn't really due to an emotional low (thank God), but rather the hectic life that this time of year usually brings. As the kids get older it gets even more busy.

In the past six weeks I have:
1. subbed almost daily in one particular elementary school
2. led five Cub Scout meetings including a hike to earn Forester badges
3. dropped off and picked up from band practice kid #1 sixteen times
4. chaperoned 5 day-long high school marching band contest trips
5. taken kid #2 to 5 soccer practices
6. taken kid #3 to the public library 4 times
7. attended 6 Saturday morning soccer games
8. attended church 6 times (one of those times teaching RE)
9. attended one UU Christian Circle meeting
10. attended two band parents' association meetings
11. attended one Boy Scout Court of Honor/pitch-in picnic
12. delivered kid #1 to two separate weekend parties

Basically, I have been going 7 days a week for at least 4 weeks and the couple of weeks prior to that was almost that busy. On top of that, we have computer wars at my house. I have kid #3 wanting to play Reader Rabbit or Sesame Street games, kid #2 wanting to play Jedi Academy or look up Pokemon info online, kid #1 wanting to chat with his friends on myspace or facebook, and husband wanting to catch up on blogs, email, or myspace. My computer time is so limited, blogging has become a luxury. But soccer and marching season are ending soon, so hopefully I'll be back again soon.

Keeping busy has been a blessing. It has done two things: 1. It keeps me from dwelling on our financial problems and my difficulty finding a job. 2. It reminds me what is really important in life. One warm Saturday afternoon as I sat on the sidelines watching my son belt out part of the marching band show at the climax of the music, I was moved to tears. Those are the moments I live for. No creditor or possible employer can ever take away from me the joy I felt at watching my son perform. What food we did or didn't have at home didn't matter one bit in that moment.

An interesting thing has happened over the last month or so. We have been sustained. As I said at the beginning of this post, I believe God moves on this earth through the hands of the people around us. At a time when I often wondered where our next meal would come from or how we would have enough gas to get to work until payday, little things started happening. Friends and family would do small "coincidental" things that helped to sustain us and get us through. For example, one day at work, a coworker of Big J's asked him if we'd be interested in some meat for some Philly Beef Steak sandwiches. Apparently he and his girlfriend had gotten some and didn't care for it so offered it to us as a gift. Unsolicited by us. They had no idea that we'd been trying to figure out what to have for dinner. Several other similar things happened around that same time when we were at rock bottom. I really believe that God sustained us.

We are not out of the woods. Things are still tight, but we are recovering. And I have more good news. Last week, the principal came up to me and offered me a 10-week maternity leave. It isn't a full-time job, but it is a stepping stone. Not having a maternity leave has been an obstacle in my way preventing me from getting an interview in the past. So I am turning a corner.

My faith has been strengthened by this hardship. And every day I thank God.

Feeling strength from attending church

2007-09-25T09:06:00.000-04:00

We have rededicated ourselves as a family to attending church regularly. We'd gotten out of the habit over the last several months (prior to summer to be honest). As a result, we are feeling strengthened.

This past weekend we made ourselves go to church even though we'd been running all weekend without a break. We'd had two soccer games Saturday morning, a marching band competition Saturday afternoon/evening, my mother-in-law came and spent the night after the marching band competition and we had a Boy Scout awards picnic scheduled for Sunday afternoon. It would have been nice to sleep in. But we went anyway.

And even though we were tired, I don't think any of us minded going. This week the service was entitled Reason and Reverence. It was much more Humanist than last week's discussion about the bible. But it was presented as a bridge between the two. It is obvious that our minister is trying to bridge the gap between the Humanists and the Spiritualists in our congregation. Frankly, there were parts of the service where I realized I was zoning out and hadn't heard what had been said. All the scientific talk and worship of knowledge just kind of runs dry with me. But I sat there alongside Big J who enjoyed it much more than me. I figured, last week was my week, this week is his week.

But after the service I was able to talk to so many friends. That made it all worthwhile to me. There have been times when I'd go to coffee hour and not find one single soul to talk to. That's a terribly lonely feeling to be in a room full of people and have no one talk to you. But the last couple of weeks I have run into several different friends and we connected about the service or our kids in RE or outside concerns. That is a wonderful feeling.

Another wonderful thing about church lately is what I'm seeing in my kids. Little J still won't attend so we leave him at home. He's old enough to make up his own mind and I refuse to force him. But the younger two we always take. They may grumble a little, but we take them. Well, lately they are grumbling much less. Both boys already knew some of the kids in their classes, but they are building friendships.

E is in 5th grade and in our church the 5th/6th grade class is sort of a transition between the younger kids' RE and the junior/senior high youth groups. They are given more independence, they are treated more like young adults, and they are given their first social justice projects to work on. As a result, their behavior improves so much. It is like they feel like they are being taken seriously. So E has been hanging out with 5-6 boys in his class and they run around in a pack. It is so cool to see since E is normally a shy child.

Meanwhile, until this week I hadn't been able to get D to attend his K class without me. I'd walk him out into the social hall after the Children's Focus for him to meet his teachers and walk to his classroom. But he'd cling to me. And once we got to the classroom he'd insist I stay. It was often 15-20 minutes before I managed to sneak out and head back to the adult service. BUT! This week as he met his class and they started to walk over, he waved and started walking on his own! I couldn't believe it! Then after the service when I went to pick him up, they were all sitting at the little tables having snack and he was sitting there telling jokes to the other kids sitting around him. And he was having so much fun with the other kids that I had trouble getting him to leave!

We are off to such a good start this year and I am so relieved and excited about it.

Gratitude

2007-09-17T17:23:00.000-04:00

An anonymous person (or persons) has done something very generous for us and it couldn't have come at a more useful time. Big J and I are so grateful for this unexpected blessing. I'm sure that whomever is responsible knows who they are and what they've done and we can't thank them enough.

Humbly and gratefully...

Mama G

Starting a new church year

2007-09-17T08:52:00.000-04:00

Even though it meant cutting into what little cash we had on hand to buy gas for the van, we made our way to church yesterday. We are wanting to start this year off right. It was a very uplifting day and I'm glad we went.

The topic of the service was "Who Wrote the Bible?", a fairly overt Christian service for our congregation. I was very interested, but expected an academic snore-fest, frankly. But I'll take any little nugget I can get and I'm trying to get in the habit of giving the benefit of doubt rather than jumping to judgment. Big J, the religious humanist with Native American spiritualism tendencies, was not looking forward to the service but went along as a commitment to start going to church more often. He did mention some moments of discomfort related to the baggage he brings from a conservative Christian upbringing. I imagine his discomfort was milder than that of some in our congregation.

In our congregation it is our custom to keep everyone together through the opening hymn, lighting the chalice, reciting the covenant, welcome and announcements and then a Children's Focus story. After that, the children are released to go to their RE classes. Yesterday's Children's Focus was the Old Testament story about Daniel in the lion's den. I personally thought it was great to hear a bible story in church and see that its message (as interpreted by our Worship Associate) was totally in line with our UU values: if you believe something in your heart, you have the right and should stand up for that belief and not let others forbid you from it.

The main service itself was interesting. It was not as academic and boring as I feared (except for one reading with lots of convoluted big words because we're "so smart"). It wasn't terribly informative for me because I've studied the bible so much on my own already. I was already aware of the theories of multiple authorship of the Old Testament and the J, E, P, and D versions. But it was absolutely fantastic to hear our minister say that the bible has stood the test of time because it has something meaningful and worthwhile to say and that it was never intended to be read literally but rather metaphorically. I sat there nodding my head throughout the service. And the postlude after the service was a wonderful piano arrangement of Amazing Grace. These things are such a rarity in our church that I was brought to tears just sitting there basking in it all.

Coffee hour afterward is also good for the soul. I had a friend come up to me and whisper that she is thinking about starting up a monthly prayer group to meet once a month before the service and she wondered if I'd be interested. Hallelujah! While the number of UU Christians at our church is small, there are lots of people who are "spiritual" and believe in some sort of God. Lots of spiritual talk is left out of the services (with yesterday being a notable exception) because of a very vocal athiest minority. (My friend says that only 19% of the congregation self-identified as Humanist - a fact I found very surprising.) Anyway, those of us with a more spiritual hunger are going to have to join together to find ways to fill our own needs. I am so excited to find others who, while maybe not theologically the same as me, are interested in bringing more spirituality into their lives.

I was happy and basking in the afterglow of the morning on the way home. I asked the boys about their RE classes. D is in the kindergarten class and they are doing the "Stories about God" curriculum this year. He was telling me that they talked about how, "God is everywhere: in the volcanoes, in rainbows, in the oceans, and oh, in people." :-) E is in the 5th/6th grade class and they are studying Jesus and the "Kingdom of Equals" (a.k.a. New Testament) this year. He said they discussed what Jesus might have looked like and how different cultures have portrayed him over history. They also watched a scene from a movie called The Nativity. His only comment was that afterward, one boy suggested they watch Monte Python's Life of Brian. ;-) The class (which happened to be all boys this week) loved the idea and they were all familiar with the Monte Python movies. Gotta love UU kids.

Permanent solution to a temporary problem

2007-09-15T07:24:00.000-04:00

Last night around 8:30 our phone rang and the sobbing voice was almost unintelligible. It was Little J's girlfriend. A classmate of theirs had just committed suicide. Within minutes, Little J and I jumped in the van and as we left the neighborhood we stopped by and picked up Little J's best friend. I drove them the half a mile to the church the boy had attended. There was already a huge group congregated in the sanctuary - most of them teenagers and youth leaders.

Apparently the boy had come home from school yesterday and had an argument with his mom. Angry words were said and he went into the bathroom and hanged himself. The kids are shocked and devestated. He was a well-liked and friendly kid.

I remember him from elementary school. He was often in Little J's classes.

Of course, I immediately think of the parents. The thought of losing a child, especially under these circumstances, is mind boggling. I've been praying for the family and all the friends who are now walking around dazed and trying to cope. Such a terrible loss.

Christians for the Mountains

2007-09-13T09:23:00.000-04:00

Was the earth made for humans to use or are we merely stewards of the miracle of nature around us? When I talk to many of the people around me who identify themselves as Christians, they often believe that God made the earth for humans to use as we see fit. And if we trash it, it doesn't really matter because it's all about the afterlife anyway, right? And these people often claim that the Climate Crisis (formerly known as Global Warming) is all a big hoax made up by liberals (to what end, I haven't figured out yet...but anyway...)

So that has been my (obviously limited) experience with Christians and their views of nature. And then recently my husband discovered a movement of Christians in the Appalachian Mountains who see what human beings are doing to the earth as an affront to God. Basically, this centers around coal extraction methods used in the Appalachians that involve blowing the tops off of mountains and stripping the life from the land. Besides the devestation to tree and animal life, runoff from the mining is getting into water sources and school children are getting sick in large numbers. In August, the government just announced new rulings that basically void some aspects of the Clean Water Act in order to make coal extraction from the mountains easier. Let's ravage the land and the sanctity of life for the sake of a misguided energy crisis.

I do admit that I have trouble understanding how people who call themselves Christians and presumably love God's creation, can so callously cause such widespread devestation. It was so heartening to me to see a group who not only talks the talk, but walks the walk. You can check out their cause on their website at Christians for the Mountains. My husband feels a special connection to this issue since his family is from an area where strip mining was prevalent in the early 1970's in the Appalachians of eastern Kentucky. He wrote about it on his own blog at A View from the Crossroads.

Ministry of friendship

2007-09-13T09:01:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to figure out what exactly it is about friendship that can lift us up out of the dark and murky low times of our lives. It seems magical because it isn't, I think, intentional or deliberate in any way. It can just appear out of nowhere just when we need it. Or maybe it is a holy gift...

As you know, I've been going through a dark spell lately. It feels like I imagine quicksand would be because it is so difficult to climb out of. But the one thing that has helped me the most is friendship.

I'm a band mom who chaperones marching band trips every Saturday. (BTW, our band took first place last week!) Anyway, I am making new friends with other band moms and they have welcomed me into their group. We went through all the motions of getting to know each other better including chatting, laughing, commisserating, etc. And the warmth I felt from their welcome lifted my heart and almost made me forget about the other parts of my life.

And then Sunday afternoon I met with my UU Christian Circle. I was so down and worried about spending the gas money that I almost didn't go. But my friends talked me into it. It ended up being another blessing. I was hosting a talk on the various versions of the Lord's Prayer and I had to admit that my heart just wasn't into it. That academic discussion just wasn't fulfilling me. But then we spent a lot of time talking about everyone's lives. Two of us in particular are going through a rough spell. Everyone rallied around us and buoyed us up so that we could go out into the world and face our lives again. Just knowing that those people care about me and support me no matter what I'm going through is worth more than anything else someone could offer me right now. Okay, a job would be nice. But I wouldn't trade my friendships even for a job.

Thank you, God, for bringing these special people into my life.

Silence is better than a blubbering rant

2007-09-07T08:47:00.000-04:00

I remember when I first discovered the blog world a couple of years ago, I stumbled on some random blogs where people seemed to want to air their dirty laundry. Lots of personal information that made me uncomfortable to read and foul language that railed at the world at large. I remember wondering what the point of the tirade was (attention?) and feeling a little embarrassed for the anonymous author.

So I have chosen to be silent a lot lately. I am currently in a very dark place and almost anything I can say or write comes out sounding either weepy or full of rage. And my blog readers don't deserve that dumped on them.

Sometimes life is very very difficult and you wonder how you'll manage to hold on for one more day. But then by some miraculous feat you do only to face the same dilemma the next day. And the next. I'm waiting for some spiritual enlightenment to make sense of all this but it isn't coming yet.

I had a dream the other night. I was driving my van down a familiar local road and I went around a pond. As I made a curve to go around it I realized that the road had flooded and my van was sinking into the pond. My automatic windows were rolled up and it all happened so fast that I didn't have time to lower the windows. In an instant I knew that I was done for. Almost instantaneously the brown murky water rose up the outsides of my windows. I woke up with my heart pounding and gasping for breath.

Saving Grace with Holly Hunter

2007-08-29T10:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, back in July I mentioned in a blog post that there was a new show coming out with a spiritual angle and I was curious about it. It's called Saving Grace and it airs on TNT on Monday nights at 10pm (9 Central). I've been really busy and haven't had time to post about it until now. That's probably a good thing because I'll admit I've had to work my way into liking it.

I've checked out a couple of other online reviews about the show. Here's one at MovieWeb and another at SFGate.com. If you read these, you'll get an idea of what the show is about.

I have to say that my first reaction to the first episode was lukewarm. The very first scene of the first episode (and several of the later episodes) was a fairly graphic sex scene. Yes, it gets your attention right off the bat. I was a little thrown, however, and had to hit pause and shoo my kids out of the room. So now I am frustrated by the fact that I can only watch my recorded episodes when the kids aren't around - a rare occurrence and inconvenient truth in my household. To me it seemed like gratuitous sex for ratings' sake, but not being one who is turned away easily, I stayed with it. I have now watched 5 or 6 episodes and the show is growing on me.

I am generally not a fan of the late-evening one-hour drama. First of all, I prefer comedies in general. Secondly, by 10pm or so I get too tired to commit to an entire hour. Thankfully I have DVR, but then I have to find time to watch the recorded episode. I think because I am not used to watching shows like The Closer (which is the lead-in show for Grace and is cited by reviewers as a comparison), I was probably a harder sell than other fans may be. But I'm a sucker for anything spiritual so they already had a nibble on the line. They only needed to reel me in.

And they have. Grace is a very troubled soul. Dealing with the death of her sister in the Oklahoma City bombing and her resulting guilt (she feels responsible for the fact that her sister was in the building that day), she is acting out in all the wrong ways - covering her pain in alcohol, distancing herself from real relationships while sleeping with a different man (including her married partner) most nights, lying, etc. Her "last chance" angel, Earl, is there to help her turn her life around. He has his work cut out for him because she just isn't buying it. She is a skeptic, to say the least. But Earl isn't giving up on her. And the more I watch, the less I want to give up on her. She's a likeable character and you find yourself wanting her to change - not for God (which is what she thinks) but for herself. If she can only finally see "the light" and turn her life around, I think the character would find real peace.

Of course that won't happen anytime soon because without her troubled existence there wouldn't be a show. But I really hope that the writers lead us there gradually. We won't be seeing any "road to Damascus" changes of heart overnight. But maybe Grace will find faith after all.

It all starts now

2007-08-25T17:48:00.000-04:00

This morning as I sat in the warm and humid sun of the soccer field, I was overcome by a feeling that "it all starts now". Everything. From now on. It starts now, in this minute.

I know, I know. Duh. On the surface this seems like an obvious thing to say. But is it really. How often do we go through life basing today and our thoughts for tomorrow on what has come before? It's an easy trap to fall into and I'd bet most people do it. We expect today and tomorrow to be like yesterday. In thinking those things we limit ourselves. We're limiting our future based on our memories or even perceptions of the past.

Two things came together this morning at about the same time that moved me to this awareness. First, my 11yo son played his soccer game. Now he has played soccer since he was 5. He has never been what you would call assertive athletically. For the first several years when he'd play, he'd jog around the rest of the players from a safe distance without ever really risking coming in contact with the ball himself. :-) Gradually he got to the point where he'd kick the ball if it happened to come to him and there wasn't another player bearing down on him. Today in his second game of this season I saw a different child. He was running with the ball, passing it to other players, and if someone tried to steal it from him, he held his ground and kept control of the ball. He has improved so much from the 5yo who wouldn't kick the ball. My husband pointed out that that is because now he believes in himself. He believes he can do it and so he does. He's let go of the memories of the boy who was afraid to kick the ball and opened himself up to the possibility of being someone who can defend the ball and control it. I don't care if he ever scores or if he makes the high school team or anything like that. But overcoming self-doubt is huge and is more than worth the entry fee we pay each year for him to play.

I also felt freed from limiting thoughts as I sat on the sidelines and watched him running up and down the field. I had just come from the post office where I mailed off four packets of application materials in my continuing job search. I had been closer than ever to giving up. Over the last couple of weeks I had almost decided I wasn't going to put myself through the repeated rejection and disappointment of not getting yet another job.

But something strange happened this week. On Thursday I shared with a teacher friend my hopelessness and difficulty in finding a job. She was able to show me a new website that I hadn't been aware of. On that website we found that the next school district over from ours had just advertised four elementary teaching positions the day before. Now, if you aren't in the elementary education world in the American midwest, you may not realize how unusual this is. Open positions are next to impossible to find, let alone *four* positions just down the road just posted the day before I connected with this friend and over a week *after* school already started. So I spent my Friday evening getting all of my application materials ready for each of the four positions and this morning I mailed them off.

I feel really good about this effort. Something just feels different this time. And as I sat on the soccer field this morning, I realized I had been limiting myself by self-doubt based on past failures.

But it all starts now. This is a new effort put out into the world. Something totally new could come from this. I'm going to stop thinking about what has already happened (or not happened as the case may be) and open myself up to future possibilities.

Hoping for new growth

2007-08-22T08:39:00.000-04:00

I'm in a really dark place now which is why I haven't blogged much lately. The kids have been back in school now for a week. Our financial situation is worse than ever and my job leads seem to have all dried up. I'm trying really hard not to get sucked down into the abyss.

Yesterday Big J worked from home (to conserve what little gas we have until payday) so we went outside and talked about what we'd like to do with our garden next year. Big dreams. We had a modest garden this year, but it was a moderate success. Besides, it is very spiritually fulfilling to Big J. He particularly likes the berries: blackberries, blueberries, and strawberries. This year we only had handfuls at a time, but it was the first year and we didn't expect much more. Next year the plants will be more established.

I prefer the vegetables. I love home-grown tomatoes. This year we had only 3 plants. Those plants are serving us well and provide us one or two tomatoes every couple of days. That works well for salads and such. But I'd like more. Maybe I could eventually grow enough to can like Mom used to when I was a kid. I also want to try some different items next year.

So we went outside with paper, pencil, and a tape measure. We've decided to increase the size of our garden by almost half. I want to add more salad veggies like lettuce, spinach, green onions, carrots, and bell peppers. I'm going to increase the number of tomato plants to 6. And we have another area where we are going to try to grow pumpkins, spaghetti squash, zucchini, and potatoes.

Maybe I'll be so busy tending to my garden next summer that I won't be able to slip into my usual summer funk. And if our grocery bill goes down a bit, that won't be bad either.

Sometimes it helps to look forward when you're trying to get out of the muck of the present.

Turn, turn, turn, turn...for everything there is a season...

2007-08-16T10:03:00.000-04:00

My youngest child started kindergarten today. It is a time of changing seasons. The season of my life that included sippy cups, board books, afternoon naps (to name a few) is gone. At least until I babysit my grandkids someday. :-) All three of my boys are now in school.

Even though he doesn't realize it, my son's life is changing too. He will begin to realize that there is a bigger world out there. His friends' and teachers' ideas and opinions will begin to rival his dad's and mine. I'm not sad about this. It's actually kind of exciting. It's all part of him growing up and growing into the man he'll be someday. I'm looking forward to taking the journey with him.

So I went to church...

2007-08-13T08:14:00.000-04:00

I decided to go to my UU church after all. The main reason I went was that my UU Christian Circle was meeting in the afternoon at the home of a friend who lives near the church.

The service was okay. It was about our minister's trip earlier in the summer to Turkey as part of an interfaith alliance formed to build bridges and foster peace. It was kind of interesting to hear about that. The best part of the service, for me, was the choice of hymns. We sang some of my favorites: Enter, Rejoice and Come In, Come, Come, Whoever You Are, and This is My Song (the last of these, I think is also called Finlandia, and is a song about how people in other countries are people just like we are and have hopes and dreams and joys just as we do). It makes me tear up every time we sing it.

Music seems to be a key for me. One of the most moving moments of the day was when I was driving on my way to church and listening to my Celtic Woman CD. Now, these women are not what I'd consider a religious group at all, although I've noticed several of their songs seem to have a spiritual message. One of my favorite songs is called The Prayer. Here are the lyrics:

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Remind us where you are

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Needs to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Need to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

I love that song and have to sing along each time it comes on. Yesterday the one that moved me to tears was Mo Ghile Mear. A lot of the lyrics are in celtic so I don't understand them. The rest of the song seems to be a love song, but as I listened to the words I thought of singing them to God and was moved. Here are some of the words:

Can you feel the river run?
Waves are dancing to the sun
Take the tide and face the sea
And find a way to follow me

Leave the field and leave the fire
And find the flame of your desire
Set your heart on this far shore
And sing your dream to me once more

(and then later)

Now the time has come to leave
Keep the flame and still believe
Know that love will shine through darkness
One bright star to light the wave

(and finally)

Lift your voice and raise the sail
Know that love will never fail
Know that I will sing to you
Each night as I dream of you

I think you have to hear the musical accompaniment to really get it, but it was very emotionally moving. I arrived at church and had to fix my make up in the van's mirror before going in because my tears had messed it all up.

(Today is our last full day of summer as I have a teacher meeting tomorrow and then school starts on Wednesday. I'm taking the boys to the pool for one last time. Sometime, hopefully later today, I'll post about our UU Christian Circle meeting.)

To go to church or not to go to church, that is the question

2007-08-11T22:57:00.000-04:00

I've been debating all evening whether to go to church tomorrow. And if I do go, where do I go? I'm really feeling a pull to go. I need me some spirituality right now. But the scheduled topic for the service at my UU church isn't warming my cockles (yawn).

I considered going to the local United Methodist church. I've gone there a couple of times, it is the most liberal church only 10 minutes away (which, granted, isn't saying much), and I know lots of people who go there. It wouldn't be awful.

Or I could drive way up to that UCC church I attended a couple of years ago. I really liked it there. If only it wasn't a 40 minute drive away to a place where I don't know anyone...

So maybe I'll go to my UU church. At least I know lots of people there. Our Christian Circle is meeting at 1:30 at someone's house just 10 minutes away from the church. I could take a lunch and eat in the church's Peace Garden.

We have decided we will *really* make an effort to go to church starting with this year's Water Ceremony. I need to be drawn back into the fold. I only wish it wasn't so hard to convince myself to go.

Basil, dill, and Kurt Vonnegut

2007-08-11T22:43:00.000-04:00

Today we took advantage of our last free Saturday for the next two months to drive down to Bloomington, Indiana, home of our alma mater, Indiana University. We stopped by the farmer's market which was absolutely hopping with vendors and customers and musicians and artists. What a great place to spend a hot Saturday morning in August. My favorite things about farmer's markets are the smell of basil, the smell of dill, and the burst of color from the bundles of flowers. I usually grow basil in my own garden, but didn't put any out this year and the smells from the farmer's market reminded me just how much I miss it.

Before we left, we stopped at Bloomingfoods, which is a grocery store that focuses on organic and natural produce and is just chock full of UU-types. Anyway, we don't have anything like it close to home so I love to visit when we're in town.

Then we took the two younger boys to campus. We parked and walked all over the place and went into various buildings. Being the geek that I am, the highlight of the trip for me was a trip into the stacks of the main library where I pulled a bound volume from 1992 off the shelf and found my own handwriting inside from back when I used to work there in technical services. That was very cool. If anyone visits the IU Library and looks inside of journals cataloged between 1990 and 1995, you may see my handwriting on the verso of the title page. See, doesn't that make you giddy with excitement?

Anyway, we also noticed that the Lilly Library (which houses rare books and archives) has a temporary exhibit about Kurt Vonnegut which includes some of his manuscripts, rejection letters and who knows what else. My husband has provided info and a link on his blog. If you are a Kurt Vonnegut fan, you might want to check it out.

How was your summer?

2007-08-10T09:27:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it is here already - the last weekend of summer. We start back to school next week. Today I have to take Little J by the high school to pick up his new schedule for this year. Then I have to take all the boys to Target to shop for school supplies. This year all 3 boys will be in school as D is starting kindergarten. Woo hoo!

Earlier this week I took D to a kindergarten orientation program at his school and while there I ran into several teachers who are setting up their classrooms and preparing the first couple of weeks of lessons. Everyone asks the standard question: How was your summer? The standard answer: Too short.

I was thinking about the longer, more truthful answer to that question. How was my summer?

Well, the first part was miserable. After about two weeks of vacation I was climbing the walls. I was stuck here in the house most days and because I don't work in the summer, money was tighter than tight. I did manage to take the boys to the pool a few times and we did some little things, but it was very much a dry spell. I stopped going to church because most of the services were lay-led which (sorry to be honest) usually don't do much for me and I often feel that it isn't worth the gas money to drive 35 minutes to church and 35 minutes home again. And my UU Christian Circle was not able to meet this summer. I felt so isolated that I really could have used a couple of meetings to connect with people. I felt like I spent the first 6 weeks or so of summer standing at the door with a broom in my hand beating back the demon of "depression" who refused to leave my house.

Then by mid-July things took a turn. I became incredibly busy. Even though we really didn't have the money (a recipe for stress, by the way) we went on our vacation to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Pigeon Forge, TN, and Gatlinburg, TN. We were there for 5 days and even though we didn't have much money to spend, we had a great time. We spend so much time going through the everyday rat race of work and school routines that we sometimes lose sight of simply living our lives. Taking a vacation - even a cheap, small-scale one - reminds us of the things that are really important.

Well, we came home from vacation in time for my brother's housewarming party. He and his wife just moved into a new-to-them house with their two kids so they invited all their friends and family to celebrate. It was a great time, a great house, and a rare opportunity to connect with other people.

Between vacation and the housewarming party, there was barely enough time to get the laundry all caught up before band camp week. Little J had band camp all day every day at the high school. I also had band camp as one of the "band moms" in charge of feeding the kids. I did it as a volunteer and got absolutely nothing monetarily out of it, but I did it to be more involved. I have to say it was, maybe, the best time I had all summer. It became less about the band and the kids and more about me having fun playing and making friends with other moms and dads. Most of the time we were there, the band was either outside practicing or somewhere else in the high school practicing music. I spent most of my time with the other parents either preparing the food or decorating. At the end of the week we even had an ice fight where we chased each other around with ice. We acted silly and laughed, we got excited about the decorations and music. We wore silly pirate costumes one day and bikini t-shirts another. We had fun. I was actually sad to see the week end even though it was totally exhausting. There is always next year.

Then as soon as band camp week was over, we had our annual local town fair complete with parade (in which the band marched) and a 3-day carnival at the town park. I volunteered to work in one of the tents sponsored by the band parents' association. This time I got credit for my work that will help defray the cost of Little J's band fees. But I also had a lot of fun. In addition to hanging out with the band parents again, I was in a location where I saw all kinds of people I know as they walked past our tent.

As the fair came to a close, I was left with exactly a week before school starts. Time to stock up on pencils and notebooks and practice going to bed earlier again. My job search has once again reared its head and it looks like I will be subbing again this year as I was not lucky enough to nab a real position yet. But I am trying not to let it get me down and to stay positive for the future.

So how was my summer? It was a summer of extremes. The first part of the summer was terribly isolating and lonely. The second part of the summer was frantically busy, but full of connections that fed my soul. I can learn from this and remember it next summer when I'm faced with 2 1/2 months of isolation. In May when school ends, I need a couple of weeks to relax and unwind. But by mid-June I need to find ways to get out there and be with people. Late summer is easy because there is always the band and fair stuff. I have to figure out something to occupy my time from mid-June to mid-July. I'll take this memory with me into the new year.

And I'll still tell people my standard answer: "Summer was too short."

UU Christian practice

2007-08-07T00:30:00.000-04:00

In addition to the comments I've had posted here (thanks!) I've noticed a few people have also posted their thoughts about the practice of UU Christianity on their own blogs. Check out what Peacebang, Jamie Goodwin at Trivium, and Scott Wells at Boy in the Bands have to say about it.

I am making a master list to take with me to my meeting this coming Sunday. We have lots to talk about. Thank you to everyone who has spoken up so far and keep those comments coming!

Calling all UU Christians

2007-08-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a long conversation with one of the members of our UU Christian Circle. We weren't able to meet this summer because of scheduling conflicts, but we are meeting again on Sunday, August 12. That meeting is going to be a discussion of "where are we now and where are we going".

In addition to being a member of our circle, she is also our DRE so she was at GA in June. She attended a couple of the UUCF discussions for (I think) the first time and discovered the concept of the Emergent Church. She noticed that much of the UUCF discussion was different from what we had been doing. I'm not sure exactly what she meant by that, but my guess was that we have been more of a study group (with the feel of a book discussion group, frankly) rather than a worship group. However, our group is growing in size and evolving spirituality so we are kind of all over the place. We need to discuss where each of us is coming from and what we want to get out of the group. We are also going to discuss more of the format of our gatherings. We want to come up with some kind of vision for the future of our group.

We are not seeking to strike out on our own and form our own church so it isn't like a "house church" in that sense (if I am understanding that correctly). We are more of a small group within our UU church. For the past year or so we have met once a month in each other's homes. There are 4 members, but at least two other people are interested in joining. Many of us want to learn how it is possible to be a UU and a Christian (or even just a liberal Christian period). Some may consider themselves Christians while others are just curious and want to learn more.

We have discussed the two aspects of being liberally religious (thinking vs. feeling). In our UU church (as perhaps in others) a tendency toward "thinking" predominates while it seems most of our members shy away from (or don't trust) feelings. We are very cerebral. I think within our Christianity Circle, we want to achieve more balance between thinking and feeling. It is my opinion that we need to bring in more worship elements to inspire feeling and to balance out the thinking aspect that makes it sometimes feel like a book club.

Anyway, I'm calling on other UU Christian's out there for some input. How does your group (or ones you know of) practice? Do you have small worship services? Rituals? Bible study or study of other religious books? Music? I am really interested to know how other people, particularly those affiliated with the UUCF, practice Christianity. Any and all comments are welcome.

This one time at band camp...

2007-08-03T18:51:00.000-04:00

I know, I know, I have recently promised posts about our vacation, the new Harry Potter book, and the new TV show called Saving Grace. But we no sooner got home from our vacation than I found myself busy with another one of my commitments.

Among my many roles in life, I am a "band mom". I am the parent of a high school marching band member. This past week has been their annual band camp week. They have had practice at the high school every day from 8:00am until 4:00pm. This year I was the co-chair of the committee of parents assigned the task of feeding and entertaining the band members between practices and at lunchtime. Next year I take over as the head of the committee so this was my trial run to learn the ropes.

It has been so much fun. Teenagers have so much energy! Having been a high school and college marching band member myself, I found myself on familiar turf (so to speak). The band student council selected a theme for each day and we decorated the practice wing of the school to match each day's theme, we dressed in costumes, we played appropriate music, and tailored the menu to fit the theme. I think we adults had more fun than the kids! But each day left us more and more exhausted.

But now camp is over. This next week has several more band parent activities that will keep me busy, but I will update my blog whenever I get a chance.

Wildflowers in the Smokies

2007-07-30T17:33:00.000-04:00

Different people like different activities when they go out in nature. My "thing" is identifying wildflowers. I could spend hours in the woods looking for flowers to identify. On our recent trip the the Smokies, I took along my camera to capture the flowers' images. I haven't identified all of them (yet), but I thought I'd share with you the ones I am pretty sure I've identified correctly.

This first one is Crimson Bee Balm (also known as Oswego Tea) which is prolific in the park. The bright red jumps out at you from all that green.

This next one is a little blurry (my camera isn't great), but it is a decent picture of what I think is Turk's-cap Lilies. The color was very distinctive and that, along with the curled-up shape, made it fairly easy to identify.

This striking blue flower jumped out at me. At first I thought some of the petals had been ripped off by an animal or another hiker, but I discovered that this flower actually only has two petals. What was even more bizarre was that this flower, introduced to America from Asia, has blooms that only bloom for one day. This one happened to bloom on the same day I took my hike. It's called the Asiatic Dayflower.

Finally, this is a photo of a Thimbleweed. Although the photo is a little blurry around the flower head due to the glare of the sun, I was able to identify it in person and am fairly certain about its name. The flower seemed to shoot right up out of the foliage which was on the ground.

I have more pictures I'll share in a later post. I've probably given enough for now. My husband has posted two different posts about our vacation on his blog at A View from the Crossroads. Go there to check out a picture from their whitewater rafting trip.

The Power of Four - Another Meme

2007-07-28T12:27:00.000-04:00

Ack! I'm catching up on all of my friends' blogs and I discovered I've been tagged to do another meme. I'll try to do this really quickly as there are other things I should be doing. Anyway, here goes...

Four jobs I've had:

1. substitute elementary teacher
2. library serials procurement specialist
3. medical sciences library branch coordinator
4. Pizza Hut cook

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. A Christmas Story
2. Waking Ned Divine
3. The Matchmaker
4. Wizard of Oz

Four places I've lived:

1. current home
2. the home where I grew up
3. college dorm room
4. rented duplex

Four TV shows I love:

1. Little People, Big World
2. Seinfeld
3. Scrubs
4. What Not to Wear

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Great Smoky Mountains
2. gulf coast of Florida
3. Texas
4. Germany

Four of my favorite dishes

1. Cashew chicken
2. Thanksgiving dinner (turkey, etc.)
3. Lasagna
4. Vegetable couscous

Four sites I visit daily (um, frequently?):

1. Yahoo Groups
2. My blog
3. www.statcounter.com
4. UUpdates

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. on the beach
2. curled up with a book
3. playing a board game with my family in a cabin in the woods
4. on a hike in the woods looking for wildflowers

Four people I am tagging:

I'm all tagged out with these things. If you are reading this and feel so inclined, please consider yourself tagged and blog your own answers.

Vacation

2007-07-27T12:18:00.000-04:00

OK, I'll admit I had an ulterior motive for disappearing for a few days. We took the family on a little vacation. Guess where we went...

Yes, we have just returned from Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Over the next several days I plan to make several blog posts about various aspects of the trip. We packed a lot into only 5 days. Stay tuned.

And by the way, I am still not finished with Harry Potter! We've had so much fun vacationing that we haven't had as much time to read as I'd hoped. But I'm working on it.

Self-imposed Internet Exile

2007-07-21T07:58:00.000-04:00

I am exiling myself from the internet until after I have finished the new book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7). I don't want to run the risk of stumbling upon spoilers. We are going to savor this final installment in the series through the last word and I don't want to know how it ends until the last possible moment! I will return to internet-land once I finish the book.

Cheers!

Spirituality in Pop Culture

2007-07-18T18:41:00.000-04:00

Well, you know I am a fan of pop culture. I've resisted talking about TV lately. But there is a new show coming out that has caught my eye and I feel it is relevant to my blog.

I was a big fan of the short-lived CBS series Joan of Arcadia which was about a teenage girl who started seeing God in various places and receiving his/her guidance. It was very "TV" and not at all theologically sound (it is for entertainment, after all), but I really enjoyed exploring the idea of God visiting and interacting with people in a contemporary setting. (What a version of "God still speaking"!) Anyway, it was slotted for Friday nights and so doomed to only two seasons. I was sad to see it go.

However, TNT is introducing a new show that sounds somewhat similar and I am anxious to see what they do with it. The show is called Saving Grace and stars Holly Hunter (already a plus) as a detective in what appears to be a crime investigation series. However, Holly's character (aptly named Grace) is visited by an angel named Earl which leads Grace to a "spiritual awakening". Keeping in mind, this is entertainment and not academia, I am really excited about this. I mean, how often does the topic of God and religion come up in prime-time TV?

The pilot episode airs at 10pm ET on Monday July 23 on TNT. Check your local listings.

Getting Blog Feedback

2007-07-18T08:07:00.000-04:00

It's been about a week and a half now since I installed statcounter.com on my blog so I could get an idea of who is reading my blog and why. It has been very enlightening.

First of all, it is interesting to see who finds me through google searches. I am surprised at how many people find me looking for pictures of Shades State Park. Other things I've mentioned like the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Bars and Bisquick Pourable Batter Mix are esoteric, but apparently people out there are looking for information. Only one search was a little disturbing - "watching moms take shower". Yikes! I'm sure this blog was a disappointment for that one.

The majority of the hits I get are from the UUpdates page (see my list of links) so it stands to reason that most of my readers are looking for things of a religious or spiritual nature. I shouldn't have been surprised then when my number of hits went through the roof when I posted a couple of days ago about whether I should continue to consider myself a UU and if I belong in my church. I average about 30 hits a day but on Sunday I got 121 hits in one day. Wow.

So now I know what everyone is looking for. That puts some pressure on me to come up with more religion-related posts. Of course, that is assuming that the goal of blogging is a wider readership. Maybe I should concentrate on my loyal base of 30 or so a day? Something to think about.

Updating my links section

2007-07-17T10:57:00.000-04:00

I've been cleaning up the links section of my page. I realized that the UU Christian link and the UUCF link are now one and the same. I also discovered that the Progressive Christian Blogger Network is now, sadly, defunct. Finally, although I have visited a couple of UCC churches in my journey, I don't really identify with them so I have removed a link to their main page (for now anyway).

I have added a couple of new ones that I have only briefly explored. They look like promising resources that I (and perhaps some of my readers) may be interested in...that is, unless you've discovered them before me. Anyway, they are the Liberal Christianity Network and the Center for Progressive Christianity.

I may add more in the future. For now I think this gives me some reading material as I continue to struggle with who I am and what I believe.

Happy surfing!

Do I belong in this church?

2007-07-16T08:01:00.000-04:00

Back when I was talking about GA, I mentioned in my post entitled Simmered-down GA thoughts that I'd been questioning my own identity as a UU. I thought I'd talk about that today.

It's hard for me to verbalize exactly where my discomfort originates. Am I having trouble relating to the general concept of UUism? I don't think so, at least not on an intellectual level. Am I having trouble relating to my specific church? Possibly. Am I having so many general problems and disappointments with life right now that it is blurrying the focus for me so that I don't know where the unhappiness is coming from, I just know that it is? Very likely.

I don't think my major problem is with UUism itself. I am now, more than ever, right on board with the Seven UU Principles and can't imagining following a faith that doesn't embrace them. However, I am also a UU Christian and sometimes find myself not exactly fitting in for that reason. I do think that the online community I've discovered through blogging and through the UUCF email list has gone a long way toward showing me that there is a place for UU Christians within the UUA.

I often find myself frustrated with my own congregation. While we espouse the values of acceptance of all paths, I have to admit there isn't a very visible presence of UU Christians within our congregation. These days we are dominated by the older "founders" of our church (from the 1960's) who are generally Humanists and the new-age pagans (we have a newish CUUPS chapter which is taking off and growing at a surprising rate). I have no problem with either group and I'm happy that they are both such thriving communities. However, as a UU Christian, I am often uncomfortable there. Three friends and I have formed a UU Christian Circle and we meet in each other's homes once a month, but the congregation does not know about it. We have not advertised it. I admit that that makes me feel a little bit ashamed and fearful and I don't like that. I am not a big fan of evangelism (which is one of the things keeping me from switching to a mainline Christian church), but I do believe in what is written: "Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." (Mt 5:15) I don't want to convert people, but I would like to stand as a witness for liberal Christianity. I see this as an opportunity to show those UU's who've been hurt by traditional Christianity that following Jesus can still be a path of love rather than one of judgment and close-mindedness. I wear my celtic cross necklace to church every time I go. I want to teach by example. But still, I am frustrated by our group's sense of secrecy. I know the names of two other people who are interested in our UU Christian Circle. There may be others who would be interested if they knew we existed. But there are members of our circle who are afraid of "coming out" to the congregation. I don't blame them, but it frustrates me.

Of course, there is also the possibility that my discomfort has nothing to do with the church, but is instead just overflow from my discomfort with life in general. There are a lot of things going on in my life that leave me feeling depressed much of the time. While I think church ought to be a strength during those times, for me it just feels like part of the problem. Yesterday I helped to teach the children's RE class. At our church, the children begin the morning for the first 15 minutes or so in with the congregation until they are released to go to their classes. During that 15 minutes, I just felt like I was in a bubble. I felt almost no connection to the rest of the congregation. It left me feeling very empty and sad. Now, working with the children was much better and that was enjoyable. But I wish I felt more connected with the adults.

At the end of the day, however, there was a bright moment. As we were cleaning up and preparing to go, the woman with whom I was teaching and I had a long and lovely conversation. We've worked together and known each other for years, but this was a more personal conversation than we've ever had. We both shared difficulties we are having in our lives right now and we were able to connect and commisserate. Just when I was feeling disconnected from this congregation, it was almost as if God was speaking to me through this woman reminding me that there are people out there with whom I can connect and that I shouldn't give up hope.

Inside the Department of Mysteries

2007-07-15T18:32:00.000-04:00

Ahhh...we just got home from seeing the new Harry Potter movie: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. We spent the 30 minute ride home from the theater discussing everything that had been left out of the movie that was in the book. This was the first Harry Potter movie that my 11yo had seen having read the book first. He was shocked at how different the movie was from the book. Maybe now he'll go back and read the first four books and find out what he's been missing.

I do find it a disappointment that various things were left out, but I realize an 870 page book has to be condensed to fit into approximately 2 hours of film. All things considered, it is fairly true to the story. I won't go into details. I don't want to spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet (and you should go see it!).

Now I have to concentrate on reading the sixth book this week before my pre-ordered copy of the seventh book arrives next weekend.

Blessings of family

2007-07-14T19:46:00.000-04:00

I have been blessed with a gift that is becoming more and more rare in our society - a family in close proximity. My parents, my brother and his family, my sister and her family, my aunts and uncles and cousins and their families, all live within a 30 minute drive of each other. Only my grandfather has moved to Florida.

This afternoon we had a family get-together in honor of the fact that my Floridian grandfather is up visiting for two weeks. My aunt and uncle hosted the get-together and there was a huge buffet table of dishes we all contributed. We ate, caught up with cousins we hadn't seen since Christmas, declared how big all the kids were getting, met the new boyfriend and girlfriend of my single young adult cousins, played croquet in the backyard, watched all the second cousins running around in packs playing "ninjas", and oohed and ahed over my uncle's manmade pond.

I look at my cousin who is a mom of a 6yo boy and a 4yo girl and see how frazzled she is as a full-time mom and remember when she was 8 years old and used to play barbie dolls with my sister. I see my 6 foot tall, 200 lb. male cousin with the beard and the girlfriend and I remember when he was 4 and my brother used to play with him by holding him upside down while he squealed in delight. I see my 84 year old grandfather who is more stooped-over and frail looking each time I see him and remember when his hair was a lot darker and his step was a little lighter when we were still kids and he still lived in Indianapolis and my grandmother was still alive. We'd go to their house almost every Sunday for dinner. We were a close family. We are a close family. I know that no matter what the world throws at me and throughout all the ups and downs of life, I will always have my family. I am blessed.

Here is my grandfather and his nine great-grandchildren.

What book am I?

2007-07-14T13:13:00.000-04:00

You're Brave New World!

by Aldous Huxley

With an uncanny ability for predicting the future, you are a true
psychic. You can see how the world will change and illuminate the fears of future
generations. In the world to come, you see the influence of the media, genetic
science, drugs, and class warfare. And while all this might make you happy, you
claim the right to be unhappy. While pregnancy might seem painful, test tube
babies scare you most. You are obsessed with the word "pneumatic".

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Cub Scout Day Camp 2007

2007-07-13T08:13:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed I've been away from the blog world for a few days. I have been spending the week at Cub Scout Day Camp. My middle son will be a second-year Webelo this year. In scouting terms, that means this is his last summer as a Cub Scout before he bridges up into Boy Scouts. Our local council reserves one of the area city parks and all of its shelter houses for three days every summer and invites Cub Scouts (ages 6-11) to come to Day Camp where they do things like archery (that's my son with the bow and arrow in the picture), shooting BB guns, fishing, swimming, making crafts, playing games, singing songs, and so on. Southern Indiana is very hilly and 3 days of going up and down the hill in the park really wore out this old den leader. But everyone had a great time and I'm sure it was a highlight of my son's summer.

Harry Potter Blitz

2007-07-09T08:07:00.000-04:00

Well, Harry Potter Mania is whipping itself into a frenzy in our house these days. Yesterday we watched both
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on ABCFamily. This "blitz" is all leading up to the release of the 5th movie in the series, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, this coming Wednesday. As an added treat, last night we stumbled on a show on A&E, Harry Potter : The Hidden Secrets, which focused on the first 5 novels/movies while giving tidbits of hints at the newest movie. As a refresher and to get us back up to speed, my 11yo and I have been (re)reading the fifth book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. We still have 200 pages to go and the movie opens Wednesday so the rush is on!

You know, I've been thinking about an aspect of the series that my sons and I have talked about before and that was touched upon in the A&E series last night and it actually ties in with one of my main spiritual values. The umbrella message for the entire series seems to be coming forward as the necessity of unity in order to conquer evil. The natural inclination in both the Harry Potter world and in our real world is to divide into subgroups and to isolate from those who are different. But Harry is learning (as should we) that the real way to make the world a better place and to shine light onto the darkness is for us all to join together. We need to eliminate that "us vs. them" mentality because it only leads us further down the darkened path. Whether the others are of a different race or religion or whether they're Slytherins or Mudbloods, we are better off if we reach out in friendship to each other rather than cutting ourselves off from them. It is all about love and friendship and there is strength in unity.

Because I follow like sheep

2007-07-07T20:49:00.000-04:00

A week or so ago this nifty little time-waster was making its way around the blogosphere. So here I am, better late than never. The places in red are all the places I've visited in my lifetime.

create your own visited states map

and even these places...

create your own visited countries map

I sure hope I can add more red to these maps before I die.

I'll be watching you...

2007-07-07T12:07:00.000-04:00

After two years of blogging, I'm inching ahead another step in the blogosphere. I have just installed a statcounter so I can see who is visiting my blog and why. I've been curious to see who is reading me because I just *know* that the majority of people probably read without commenting. (I know you're out there!)

Anyway, I'll let y'all know if anything interesting pops up.

Introducing a new blogger

2007-07-05T11:54:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd take a minute to introduce you to my husband's new blog over at A View from the Crossroads. He's new to blogging so go easy on him. ;-) Also, although he doesn't say it outright in his blog, he is a UU too (although he says he isn't as "churchy" as me). He'd get a kick out of people checking out his blog.

Independence Day

2007-07-05T11:41:00.000-04:00

My two youngest sons are exerting their independence here by playing with Sparklers on the 4th of July. That's the closest we'd let them get to any fireworks. They aren't *that* independent yet.

It was a rather low-key holiday here. I wasn't feeling well and it was rainy outside so we only gave it an obligatory observance. For dinner we had hotdogs (I couldn't eat mine - my taste for meat is totally gone) and corn on the cob and lemonade. Then we had sliced watermelon and ice cream sandwiches for dessert. Of course, because of the rain, this was all inside which made the whole meal feel very unholidayish.

While it rained around 8:00, the rainclouds blew through and by 9:30 or so we were nearing dusk. (BTW, I hate this stupid daylight savings time idiocy.) Big J had bought some small fireworks and sparklers for us to do at home. Our local town didn't have a fireworks display this year, but our neighborhood put together an ad hoc show of their own with individual families lighting off different fireworks at intervals. We could stand outside in our yard and all around us were different booms and sparks and flashes. I take it as a good sign that I didn't hear any sirens during the excitement last night so I hope no one was hurt. Our family was safe. Big J was in charge of lighting all of our fireworks and with the exception of one fountain that didn't seem to want to light, I never really had to worry.

I could veer off into some kind of rant about the sad state of affairs in our country this "Independence" day, but I frankly don't have the energy. I prefer to focus on family and tradition.

No good deed goes unpunished

2007-07-01T11:01:00.000-04:00

I am on the RE Committee for our congregation with the title "Curriculum Associate". My official (volunteer!) responsibilities are to work with the DRE to review and adapt (or write) curriculum for our Pre-K thru Senior High RE program. There is another RE Associate who joined us this past year to make a curriculum committee of three people.

This past February or so, the DRE bought a new hands-on nature curriculum for us to use for this summer's programming. It's a basic experiential curriculum which we thought would be perfect to go along with our congregation's new status as a Green Sanctuary candidate. In planning for the summer, we accounted for a couple of Spirit Circles (a.k.a. children's chapel) and an end of the summer picnic. That left us with 6 remaining lessons to plan. The three of us were to each plan and write up two lessons.

Well, I'll make a long story somewhat short. One of the lessons I am in charge of is the one for today. The DRE had to leave for GA last week and there were still some loose ends to finish up with the woman who is supposed to be the lead teacher for the day. I began emailing that teacher to let her know about some activities she could do and ask if she needed anything from me. This was *as the DRE asked me to do*. This woman works for the local parks department (who is working with us all summer to supplement the program) and has some of her own materials. I was supposed to make sure she had enough hands-on activities to fill in the 60 minute class time. She basically said she had some things she could use and it would probably be enough. I said good, I was just checking and I gave her the email address of the RE Associate who would be on duty this week if there was anything else she should need. Keep in mind, this all seems pretty standard procedure to me.

So I get this snarky email response that "wasn't I aware" that she taught this same lesson last summer? (As if to say, duh, you stupid woman, why are you bothering me?) Huh? I distinctly remember the meeting last winter when the DRE gave me the brand-new curriculum (still with the spine in tact having never been opened) and she told me she may be able to get the parks people to help out. I, being the proverbial doormat, responded back to this email with an apology. No, I didn't realize she'd taught this before. I was made to believe that I was supposed to help this woman out so she would be comfortable leading the lesson in the DRE's absence and I get this snark in return? Jeez-oh-pete!

I have been thinking about stepping back from my role as Curriculum Associate for a while now and this is just another nail on the coffin. I feel like I'm spinning in all directions and this is the thanks I get for volunteering my time. UGH!

That time of the year

2007-06-27T08:02:00.000-04:00

It's that time of the year again. Summer is always the most difficult time of the year for me. I know it, I try to avoid it, but it gets me every year. Depression. I realize that I rely too heavily on external validation. Intellectually I know that and I know that I shouldn't, but in those isolated days of summer it hits me like a ton of bricks. During the school year I interact with dozens of adults and kids every day who let me know that my presence in their lives matters. But come the end of May all that stops.

For 2 1/2 months I am at home with very little interaction with anyone besides my own immediate family. And while I love them, to them I am invisible. As long as dinner is on the table and clothes are washed, they couldn't really care less about what is going on with me.

Of course, this is the time of year when the UU church (in my opinion) falls apart. The minister is gone for weeks on end, the congregation is busy jet setting off to this vacation location or the other (sometimes it really irks me to belong to a wealthy congregation and to be one of the poorest people there), and general attendance is just low. And again, I'm invisible. I can go for weeks without attending church and no one really seems to notice unless they need something from me (like to teach RE). And this year our newly-formed UU Christian Circle is having to take a 3-month hiatus because of scheduling difficulties. If ever there was a time when I needed a close spiritual group it is now! UGH!

AAGH. It's just so frustrating. I just wish I had a little bit of money to go somewhere and do something. But I don't. And with the price of gasoline these days, I find myself freaking out over running the smallest of errands. Blah.

Sorry to vent there. I'm just feeling a little frustrated and isolated.

Simmered-down GA thoughts

2007-06-26T09:18:00.000-04:00

(By "simmered-down" I am not referring to the use of the phrase to describe someone who is no longer as angry as before. Instead, I'm thinking of "simmered-down" as in the cooking sense. In cooking you take a whole lot of "stuff" and let it simmer until it "reduces" into a smaller amount of material that is stronger and more concentrated.) I've had lots and lots of thoughts about the GA blogs I've been reading and the streaming video I've been watching at the UUA website bumping around in my head. All of that "stuff" is starting to simmer down in my head into something (hopefully) more concentrated.

Before I say what I'm thinking, I have to repeat that so far I have never been able to attend a GA in person. My experience of GA is limited to what I can access online. I'm guessing I'm not the only online reader out here so maybe my words can speak for those of us who experienced GA vicariously. On July 8 our church has planned a service where our delegates will share with the congregation news about what happened at GA. But I have a feeling they'll stick to the basics and many of the smaller tidbits will be left out. I want more.

First, I was generally disappointed with the streaming video available at the UUA website. It isn't totally the UUA's fault. I have a dial-up 56K connection, so at best the video was choppy and some of the audio was so choppy that I couldn't understand what was being said. I would have liked to have recognized faces or banners during the banner parade, but it was mostly a colorful blur. The music was nice though. And the lag between the time of an event and when the video shows up on the website is disappointing. I'd planned to watch the closing worship live, but it was at 7:00 local time and I was right in the middle of getting dinner on the table. By the time dinner and dishes were done, so was the closing worship. I'm hearing positive chatter about it on the blogs, but the link still isn't up and I'm anxious to see it myself.

The bloggers have been a godsend. Not only did they give information about the various sessions, but they shared lots of "color" to help fill in the picture. From the horrendous flight experiences getting to GA to the pictures of the blogger dinner at a Greek restaurant, all of those things round out the experience for those of us at home.

There was a point when I wondered if I really wanted to go to GA at all. It seems like a lot of money and stress and then you get there and there are all these sessions talking about social justice issues and politics. Now don't get me wrong. I'm right there with everyone on the anti-war, marriage freedom, racial equality, transgender equality, etc. But I'm more of a spiritual person than a political person. My favorite videos were the worship services with their music and moving words. A call to arms just doesn't move me like a song of praise does. But that's just me. (I've been questioning my own identity as a UU for these same reasons, but I'll save that long story for a different post.)

But then I realized that there is an awful lot that happens at GA that doesn't make it online. Over at Planting God Communities, Rev. Ron Robinson, Executive Director of the UUCF, mentioned some lesser-known activities that I would have loved to be a part of. On Saturday there was a communion by the UUCF. Then Sunday there was a lecture by Kathleen Norris, author of "Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith". These are the types of things I'd attend if I were at GA and I think that would make me more satisfied than the political discussions. (BTW, I'd love to read a description of the Kathleen Norris lecture if anyone wants to do a write-up.)

GA Vicariously

2007-06-22T10:15:00.000-04:00

As I sit here at home sipping my coffee after getting bowls of cereal for the boys, it is really nice to be able to check in with the UU blogosphere to find out what is going on right now over in Portland, Oregon at the 46th annual UU General Assembly. Our church has sent 12 people so I am sure I will hear tidbits eventually. But there is something to be said for those people who are on the ground in Portand and are posting to keep us updated back here in the hinterland. I'm sure it is very hectic there. I've seen the schedules. Those of us back home really appreciate the time everyone is taking to get information out.

I will be checking in several times this weekend over at the UUpdates website to see what bloggers are saying. Maybe one of these days I'll have the money and freedom to actually attend GA. But for now I have to live vicariously through the UU bloggers.

Summer Americana

2007-06-17T11:32:00.000-04:00

There is one activity that is pure Americana and harkens back to the recent American past: the drive-in theater. I think drive-in theaters were most popular in the 1950's as America recovered from WWII and had more expendable cash. Plus it ties in with the American fascination with cars. I'm not old enough myself to have experienced a 1950's drive-in, but my mind always goes back to those scenes in Grease where John Travolta and his leather-clad buddies gathered and tried to win the hearts of Olivia Newton-John and the other girls in poodle skirts. Who can forget the intermission cartoon where the dog-like wiener jumped into the bun?

I remember going to drive-in theaters when I was a child in the 1970's. I remember my parents piling my younger brother and sister and myself into our light blue station wagon with our pillows in tow. Mom would pop up a big pot of popcorn on the stove and empty it into a large brown grocery sack. I can't remember for sure if we took drinks along also, but we probably did. Money was tight back then and buying food at the concession stand was a luxury we just couldn't afford. At the theater, we'd pull into the raised gravel space next to the pole and Mom and Dad would take the large metal speaker box off the pole and hang it on the inside of the car windows. We usually got there way before dark so Mom would take us down right in front of the screen where there was a little playground for kids. Among the movies I remember seeing at the drive-in were Benji, Herbie the Lovebug (the original 70's version), and the Apple Dumpling Gang with Don Knotts. There was a "family-oriented" drive-in near where we lived that showed two G-rated movies and in between the movies they'd show cartoons. As kids, we thought the cartoons were the best part. We'd watch the first movie and the cartoons, but early in the second movie we always got tired. We'd climb into the back of the station wagon with our pillows and fall asleep and wake up back at home as we were carried to our beds (this was back before seatbelts).

We've tried to continue the drive-in tradition for our own family. To me there is just something magical about sitting outside after dark on a warm evening with a lot of other people watching a movie on a screen the size of a huge barn. The concession stand is a glowing hut of activity in the middle of the darkness where people are willing to wait in long lines for $5.00 nachos or a visit to the crowded restroom. Teenagers congregate, moms try to soothe overtired small ones, and everyone squints when they enter the concession stand which is like walking into a spotlight after being out in the dark.

Last night was our annual trip to the drive in. While my oldest isn't that impressed (he'd rather go to an indoor theater), my younger two think it is just great. They set up folding chairs in front of our front bumper along with their dad. My oldest son and I stayed inside the van in comfortable seats. They don't use those big metal speaker boxes anymore. Now they pipe the sound out through small-range radio stations. You can turn your car stereo on to the proper AM station, set the car on auxiliary and hear the whole thing without running down the battery. Like my mom did, I make my own popcorn (but I use the microwave). I pop up about 3 bags of popcorn and put them in big plastic tubs. I pack a cooler with drinks and ice. Money is tight for us just like it used to be when I was a kid. There are no cartoons between movies at this theater. My kids don't know what they're missing. There are four different screens each showing two different movies. You're supposed to pick one screen and stay there for the night, but most people move their cars between movies to pick and choose what to watch. Last night we saw the new Fantastic Four movie and when it was over we watched Spiderman 3. My 5yo was tired and, just like my siblings and I used to do 30 years ago, he took his pillow into the backseat shortly after the second movie started and went to sleep. By the time the second movie was over and we were on our way home it was 2:00am and still a balmy 77 degrees outside. (We woke our son and put him into his seat and fastened the seatbelt. - Some things have changed.) We arrived home late, slept in late this morning, and today my kids are talking about what a great time they had last night.

There's a fine line

2007-06-13T14:07:00.000-04:00

Yes, there's a fine line between thinking positively and getting your hopes up. This is a spiritual dilemma that seems to keep popping up in my life and I never seem to get a handle on what I should do.

I have read spiritual books that advise that I should think positively, as if the thing that I want has already happened or as if I already have what I want. By putting those positive thoughts out into the universe, I make them more likely to happen. By putting out doubt, I am putting out my lack as truth and what I will get from that is only more lacking.

The flip side of this coin is getting ones hopes up. I have had several occasions in my life where I let myself believe I had won something or accomplished something as a way of "thinking positively" only to be deeply devestated when it didn't happen. So for me, I tend to not assume I have anything before it is official mostly as a way of protecting myself from inevitable disappointment. Maybe that negativity is part of my problem.

I have applied for the temporary one-year music teaching position that is my sister's regular job. Big J has been after me for a week now to email the new principal and let him know why I'm the perfect person for the job. Last night as I took my after-dinner walk around the neighborhood, I envisioned myself in the job. I imagined setting up the room, planning the curriculum, teaching the first few introductory days, etc. It did help me to get up my confidence and this morning as soon as I got out of bed I sat down at the computer and wrote the email to the principal. But visualizing myself in front of that classroom or on stage during the music programs or in meetings with other teachers gets me really excited and I am all the more scared that those things won't happen. I've been disappointed enough in the past that I'm reluctant to assume anything.

And, of course, in my line of work I'm liable not to hear anything either way until after August first. Sigh. I will not let this worry hijack my summer vacation!

Blindsiding a marriage

2007-06-12T11:23:00.000-04:00

How does one know what happens to a marriage to make it fall apart? That's really more a rhetorical question than anything, but it is on my mind this morning. A very dear friend of mine from high school just let me know that her husband asked her for a divorce out of the blue. I was shocked and, apparently, so was she.

She is being forced into several life changes because of this sudden announcement. My heart is just aching for her and the injustice of it all. I'm trying not to be judgmental as I'm sure it hasn't been an easy transition for either of them. I'm praying that they both find their footing and continue on with their new lives.

Sigh.

I just feel so sad and wish there was something I could do.

Little Big Man

2007-06-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

Today my middle child turned 11. I have to say it was a really nice birthday. There was no squabbling or stress, everyone had fun, and everything went my son's way.

My parents came over late this morning with his gift: new swim trunks and beach towel. Our plan for the day was to go swimming and they knew his old trunks had gotten too small. They left around noon and he pointed out that he didn't actually turn 11 until 12:12 PM (the exact minute he was born 11 years ago). So when the time came, we immediately went in to the kitchen and I sheared off his hair that he'd been growing all year. He'd decided it was time. Here's what he looked like before the haircut.

Then we ate a little lunch, changed our clothes and headed over to the Y for a swim in the outdoor pool. It was a nice and sunny 80-ish degrees out. It was a perfect day for the pool. It was our first time out for the summer and we had a great time. The pool was busy, but not as packed as I thought it'd be on a sunny summer Saturday afternoon. But we didn't get there until 3:30. Maybe the crowd had thinned out before we got there. We stayed until about 5:00 and then decided to make our way home. We have a tradition in our family that the birthday person gets to pick what we have for dinner that day. E decided he wanted Papa Murphy's Hawaiian pizza with ham and pineapple. It was the first time we'd had any meat in a month and only the third time in two months. But that's okay. After all, it is a birthday and birthdays are special. After that we had cake. I'd made a cake and decorated it with a Geodude (which is a Pokemon character). I was surprised it turned out so well. Here is a picture of E with his little brother watching as we sang Happy Birthday to him and he waited to blow out the candles.

Notice the haircut? Anyway, after the cake and ice cream we gave him his gift: a Pokemon Ruby game for his Gameboy. The kid has been in heaven ever since. We kind of had a beach island theme after the swimming and Hawaiian pizza so we've had reggae music playing. E was busy playing the Pokemon game until 9:00 when he had to stop to watch the brand new Naruto episode he'd been waiting for for weeks. He thought it was all a cosmic birthday wish for him that the new episode would air on his birthday.

He agrees this has been a perfect day.

Serendipitous Christianity book discovery

2007-06-02T15:00:00.000-04:00

I tried posting this the other day. I sat for at least an hour typing up my thoughts about this wonderful book I discovered. Then I looked up at the screen and it was all gone. Those of you who use Blogger, don’t be fooled by their new “autosave” feature. Blogger “autosaved” what I had written, but it cut it off after the first sentence. An hour’s worth of work was gone. So now I’ve decided to draft in Word and then cut and paste it into my blog so it won’t (hopefully!) happen again. Anyway, on to my original (albeit reconstructed) post…

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At the library the other day, I was browsing the "New Books" shelf when I stumbled upon the book 10 Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You : (but can’t because he needs the job) by Rev. Oliver “Buzz” Thomas. I’d read somewhere that it is true that what is largely understood and taught in seminaries these days rarely makes it to the pulpit because most people don’t want to hear it. So I was intrigued by the title and wanted to see what the author had to say. Here are just a few points that I’ll paraphrase (unless I indicate it is a direct quote):

* As far as the Creationism vs. Evolution debate goes, it is like comparing apples to oranges. Creationism is a religious concept and religion is about finding meaning, purpose and moral truth in life. Evolution is a scientific concept and science is about identifying observable and falsifiable facts about the world around us. It is only when we think of creationism as a scientific concept or evolution as a religious concept that we run into trouble. The two could (should?) coexist without cancelling each other out.

* Our purpose for being here is to treasure our humanity. Thomas cites Ecclesiastes with giving four directives: “(1) eat, drink, and be merry; (2) work hard; (3) enjoy living with the person you love; and (4) fear God and keep his commandments.” Further to that he discusses what might be meant by fearing God and keeping his commandments. Jesus trumps the ante when he said we should love God and our neighbors as ourselves. We can express our love for God through worship, singing, and prayer. He discusses how prayer is about being with God. It is about talking and listening…and not so much about asking (a point I really loved). The thing about prayer is that it doesn’t benefit God; it benefits us. It transforms us into people who think more like God and who work as God’s hands in the world. We must remember Jesus’ instruction to love who Jesus referred to as “the least of these”: those who are outcasts of society or who have been dealt more suffering than others.

* Thomas discusses the Bible and goes into details I already knew about (that it is made up of several different books by different authors and wasn’t put together into one book – with several different versions at that – until much later). He mentions problems with trying to read it literally as the inerrant word of God (inconsistencies and scientific impossibilities, for example). But he asserts how the Bible serves as a human witness to the experience of God at that time in history. There is a lot of wisdom contained in the Bible and you don’t have to believe that it really happened to believe it is true.

* He mentions how Christianity has historically (and sometimes contemporarily) marginalized some groups like women, slaves, and homosexuals. The Bible was once used to justify slavery (a fact which causes many people problems again with the inerrancy concept). But just like times have changed society’s opinion of owning slaves, so has its opinion about the submission of women changed since biblical times. At the time the biblical stories were being written, women were considered property owned by men. They were not allowed to participate in government, religion, etc. To stand up for women’s rights at that time would mark one as a rebel. The books of the bible were written to reflect that view. Of course, Jesus, the one person in the Bible whose example we *should* follow, obviously didn’t feel that way about women. Women played an important role in his ministry. That fact has been downplayed considerably by subsequent organizers of the religion of Christianity which speaks to attachment to the old systems of belief that still existed (exist). In today’s day and age, women are no longer considered to be lower than men by society and, therefore, should not be considered lower by the church. And the verses in the Bible that have been used to limit the rights of homosexuals did not come from Jesus. He spoke against many things: “money, lust, revenge, divorce, prayer, fasting, and a thousand other subjects (with an especially large number on self-righteousness), but there is nothing on homosexuality." Instead, Jesus spoke about the importance of how we treat each other. We should not judge others – that is for God alone to do. And he told us how important it was to love our neighbors as ourselves. That alone should be enough to tell us what is really important.

Those are just a few of the big ideas I got from this book. Much of what I read wasn’t surprising. Some of it I’d read before and most of it I’d thought before. But it was interesting to read a minister write these things. It was especially interesting to me to read in his bio that he is a Baptist minister. I was surprised to find a Baptist minister with these values. (I don’t know if he is American Baptist or Southern Baptist, but he does mention the Southern Baptist Convention a couple of times in his writing.) For me this was yet another reminder that I shouldn’t jump to conclusions about someone else’s beliefs.

I highly recommend this book to others. It’s a short read – only 108 pages – and I read the whole thing in one afternoon.

What I've read

2007-05-30T08:14:00.000-04:00

My good friend Yogamum has a habit of finding fun little diversions on the internet. I think she and I are a lot alike, because she knows exactly which websites will suck up my time online. A couple of weeks ago she told me about the site called Library Thing on which you can catalog all of your books. Big J asked me last night, "Why would you want to catalog your books?" He is clearly NOT like Yogamum and myself when it comes to reading. If he were, he wouldn't need to ask that question.

Anyway, over the past couple of weeks I have been setting up my own personal catalog here. You can browse it if you want. I haven't limited it to those books I actually own. I've tried to list as many of the books as I could remember reading since the late 1990's. I have 129 books cataloged so far. I included all adult and young adult books, but I skipped all the children's books I've read because that would put me way over my freebie limit of 200 books.

I've also added a widget to the sidebar of my blog (scroll way down to see it). It shows a random sampling of books from my catalog. My interests can sometimes be a little eclectic. But I have always been a reader. It's a big part of who I am so I am sharing it with you.

Yardwork

2007-05-27T14:54:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day weekend is the first weekend we've had so far this spring where we were free to do some actual yardwork. We've neglected almost everything since late last fall, so there was plenty to do. Big J worked in the garage most of yesterday cleaning it out. I did weeding in all of my flower beds, pots, patio area, and my herb/veggie garden plot. I put Little J to work cultivating the soil in the existing bed. I also had him dig a new bed for the strawberry plants we'd bought. And he had to dig a couple of holes for the raspberry bushes we put in. We've ordered two blueberry bushes so we set aside an area for them. Then we put up a small fence around the two beds and berry bushes. It doesn't sound like all that much, but all five of us spent several hours doing hard work yesterday afternoon. I still need to buy some annual bedding plants for my pots and flower beds and we need a new umbrella to replace the one that was broken in the storm last summer. Then our backyard will be set for the summer. Once things grow some more I'll post pictures.

Also (Yay!) it's raining! This has been the driest May in recent history and our grass was already turning brown. A little early in the summer for that. Anyway, the rain is turning everything green. But it is starting to storm so I better get off the computer.

A girl on my mind

2007-05-23T17:08:00.000-04:00

Today I can't stop thinking about one of the girls I've come to know through my substitute teaching experience.

Last spring I worked as a special substitute teacher who would go to one of the elementary schools every Tuesday and Thursday and fill in for the regular teacher who would do a pull-out enrichment program for the gifted/talented kids. I would take their regular classes for them. One of the classes was a fourth grade class and this particular girl (S) was a student in the class. I was in that classroom once a week every week for the last two months of school. Also, the teacher had something come up out of town at one point and I had to fill in for her for an entire week. So these kids were *very* familiar with me. S is one girl, in particular, who used to come back and talk to me all the time and tell me about this or that going on or she'd ask me about different things, just to chit chat during extra time. She's one of the sweetest girls I've met. She had some learning issues and worked with one of the resource teachers and was a little behind grade-level, but not terribly so. She was in student council and played softball and was popular with the other girls.

I haven't been at that school a lot this year, but I'd heard through the grapevine that S had suddenly started having seizures. A lot. They couldn't figure out what was causing them. I think they eventually diagnosed her with epilepsy and she is on medication, but she still has frequent seizures. She is in fifth grade now. She has changed so much and I am especially shocked by her personality changes. She now has a full-time aide who never leaves her side except during lunch when the lunch duty teacher stands right by S in the cafeteria in case she has a seizure. A couple of weeks ago I was in her class again and she looked at me funny like I was vaguely familiar. She asked me what my name was. I think I kept a neutral face when I told her my name, but inside I couldn't believe she didn't remember. We'd had hundreds of conversations last year! In the last couple of weeks I've been around her again. She remembers my name now, but I'm noticing how much she's changed. She is timid and seems to always have a look on her face like she's confused. She doesn't interact as much with the other kids. Her aide says there are many times when she doesn't seem to know where she is. She's always been skinny, but now she's lost so much weight she looks terribly unhealthy to me. She has scabs on her elbows and forehead from falls she's taken during seizures. I haven't actually seen her have a seizure, but I understand the class and teachers are used to it by now.

I can't believe this is the same girl that I knew last year. It breaks my heart just seeing her and today I wondered what her parents must be going through watching their daughter change like this. It must be so scary and heartbreaking.

This is what happens when you get attached to kids you work with. I'll be praying for her and her family.

Why are these blog Memes fun?

2007-05-22T21:06:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged again by Yogamum to do a meme. She knows I can't resist these sorts of things. This one might be hard, though. I'm supposed to list 8 Random Things About Me... (tapping head...think, think, think)

Okay, here goes...

Eight Random Things About Me

1. I was married on the playground in 2nd grade to a boy who was Darin to my Samantha (we played Bewitched every day at recess). Half the second grade class was in attendance.

2. When I eat M&M's I have to have an even number of M&M's in my hand with an even number of each color. I eat them in pairs by color - one on the left side of my mouth, one on the right. Does this mean I'm anal retentive?

3. My dad (a teacher) brought home a panel of a chalkboard and put it in our garage. I used to play school with my sister, cousin, and several stuffed animals. I was always the teacher.

4. My first musical concert was Neil Diamond when I was a freshman in high school with my boyfriend and his parents.

5. I have always had a large birthmark on the back of my left leg.

6. I directed my high school band when I was a drum major as a senior in high school in (among other places) Battery Park in New York City.

7. I can still remember the first page of the first book I ever read when I was four years old. The book was Big Max and the first page went: "Big Max was a detective. He was the greatest detective in the whole world." I must have read it 100 times every night before bed that year. I told my parents I had to have a table lamp beside my bed so I could read before bed. I started young. ;-)

8. My favorite place in my entire life has been my grandparents lakeside cabin when I was growing up. It was sold after my grandmother died when I was 17, but it is where I learned to love nature and how to spend quality time with family. It is the place I think of whenever I need to go to my "happy place".

Okay, now my turn to tag (sorry to tag some of the same people this time; I don't know that many bloggers):

Lizard Eater
Chalice Chick
Jess's Journal
Mathmom
Kinsi
Peacebang
Ms. Kitty
UUMomma

UU Christian small group

2007-05-20T20:39:00.000-04:00

Today was the monthly meeting of our UU Christian circle. I love this group more and more each month. It is so spiritually and emotionally fulfilling. It is so important to each of us that except for the death of the father of one member, none of us has ever missed a meeting. We move heaven and earth to be together each month.

The meeting today came after a 2 1/2 hour semi-annual congregational meeting wherein we had to approve the upcoming year's annual budget and make some big amendments. It was very long and tension-filled but the budget passed in the way that we wanted it to and that made us happy. But we couldn't deny that the politics left a bad taste in our mouths. It feels disappointing when fellow church members can't agree on issues that some of us feel ought to be givens.

I mention all that only to frame our states of mind before today's Christian circle. We had a new person join us today and she and another member of the circle aren't members of our church so we had to fill them in on what we'd just left. In a way it was good because we all affirmed that we really needed each other. Sometimes you need to reach out to that small circle of friends who you trust with your spirituality and we needed to reach out to each other.

Two ladies told us about Healing Touch which is basically a spiritual experience, an act of prayer, if you will, in which one or two people pray and move their hands over your body to help release the bad energy that may be trapped there. It could sound either like a fundamentalist laying on of hands (as in casting out demons). Or it could sound like some new age hippie dippie kind of thing. I really don't think it was like either of those. It was about people loving and caring for each other, sending positive thoughts out into the universe on that person's behalf, helping them relax, and spending 20 minutes focusing totally on them. It is such a loving and giving thing. Two of us each had a treatment and I have to say that afterward I felt closer to these women who are already my friends. It is a very intimate experience. There is so much isolation in our daily lives, that this act of connecting with people we care about and who care about us was so extremely spiritually moving. I feel like I've had my spiritual battery charged and I'm ready to head into the new week recharged.

My spiritual cold shower

2007-05-19T21:53:00.000-04:00

I feel that I've been remiss in my duties as a UU Blogger. I haven't had much to say lately that one could consider spiritual. (I know that some UU's consider things like hiking in the woods and getting back to nature "spiritual", but that hasn't been my own experience...yet anyway.)

I have to admit there is a reason for this. About a month ago we received the movie Jesus Camp as part of our Blockbuster Total Access membership. It had a deep and profound effect on me in a way that I don't think was at all positive. It kind of served as a cold shower to cool the flames of my newfound passion for Christianity.

I was disturbed by the way the beautiful message of love that Jesus taught has been twisted so severely into a hateful "us vs. them" mentality. I was also really upset by the way they are indoctrinating the young who are still in their formative stage with a message so based on intolerance. I really have trouble understanding how they can believe that Jesus, were he here today, would advocate this movement. I look at the woman who leads this "Jesus Camp" and shake my head at some of the things she says. But then I see the young children being so emotionally stirred while those emotions are tied very closely with their philosophy. It is no wonder that some people grow up to be like the camp leader when they are taught these things and make an emotional investment at such a young and impressionable age. It literally made my chest ache to watch the young girl who so desperately wanted to convert people because she'd been told it was the right way to be and couldn't seem to understand the reaction of the people on the street who resisted her. Yikes.

That movie jarred me. I noticed that after watching that movie, there were subtle differences in my life. For a long time now I've listened to contemporary Christian radio in the van when I'm running errands. Most of the music really moves me. I'm not terribly connected to the ones that focus on life after death, but the ones that celebrate God's presence in life speak to me. But the talk between the songs really puts me off. I've noticed when they do their "news", they always give three stories. The first two are what I would consider real news items about something going on in the world. The third is always Christian in nature and has a tone of "look how good we are" to them. Lots of reports of missionaries in other countries "spreading The Word" and bringing people to Christ. Or it's about some Christian group overcoming political obstacles like abortion laws, etc. It is so obviously propaganda that it always bothered me. Now I cannot even listen to the station. It feels like part of the Jesus Camp machine. I've gone back to listening to Radio Disney.

I think what upsets me about this movie the most is the fear that the average Joe American may watch this and think that the people in this movie represent what it means to be a Christian. While there are many people who fall into this category, I am finding more and more people who consider themselves Christian but are appalled at this kind of behavior. Jesus came to tell us that the very most important thing is to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. If you let that be the guiding principle of your life, how can you belong to a group that says the majority of humans on earth are doomed for eternity? How can you believe in a God who would do that to his creation? I just can't get my mind around it.

Anyway, I was so bothered by this that I had to take a figurative step back for a little while to take a breather.

The countdown is on...

2007-05-18T16:38:00.000-04:00

8 more school days: 5 days next week and 3 the following week and then we're done. You can feel things winding down as important projects are finished up. Today was the last possible day for field trips for the year. Finals are coming up at the high school. Lots of faculty parties are going on (although I have not been invited to any personally since I'm "just" a sub).

For now I'm just thankful it's Friday. I'm tired and need some time off. I hate feeling tired all the time. The rest of the world never seems to act as tired as I feel. That being said, I'm off for my 5:00 coffee to help me through the rest of the day. I remember 20 years ago (ACK!) when I was 20 years old and at 5:00 on a Friday I'd just be getting started. That ship has long since sailed!

10 More Days

2007-05-17T08:47:00.000-04:00

Just 10 more school days, including today, until summer vacation begins. I am actually looking forward to it. This spring has been really busy for me between working nearly full-time, driving kids back and forth to various meetings, family outings, etc. I'd love a day to just hang out and do nothing. Of course I also have tons of projects around the house that I've been putting off until school was out so I definitely have plenty to do. But I'm ready for a change of pace.

This also means I'll be able to blog more regularly once I have more access to the computer.

Pictures from Shades State Park

2007-05-13T15:08:00.000-04:00

Here are some pictures my son took on our hike yesterday.

Here is Big J, myself, and our two younger sons at the bottom of a flight of steps leading down into a canyon at a place called Devil's Punchbowl.

This is me trying to identify one of the few wildflowers I found.

Here are my youngest two sons (ages 10 and 5) in the bottom of the gorge at Devil's Punchbowl. This gives you an idea of the scale showing the size of this place.

The payoff for all those stairs: a beautiful waterfall view.

Where to camp and hike?

2007-05-12T20:25:00.000-04:00

Ms. Kitty pointed out that I didn't mention where exactly we went on our trip. At first I kept it general because I didn't want any weirdos tracking us down. ;-) But then these parks are big and I don't post until we're home anyway so what does it hurt, huh?

Last weekend we went to McCormick's Creek State Park in southwestern Indiana. We've gone to this particular park for years, and I have to admit we are partial to it. We've been so much that we know all the trails and where they lead. We know which trails we prefer and even which campsites we prefer. However, it occurs to us that maybe we need to branch out a little bit and try some new places. We have purchased an annual entrance pass for all of the state parks so we thought we'd travel around and try out some other spots this summer.

A few weeks ago we drove up to northern Indiana to Prophetstown State Park and nearby Battle Ground, Indiana (site of the Battle of Tippecanoe). Prophetstown State Park has a campground with 110 sites and I'm trying to talk the rest of the family into trying it out. But the day we were there it was really windy and that land up there is flat as a pancake. We're used to southern Indiana where there are lots of rolling hills. But way back in the ice age the glaciers came about as far as Indianapolis and then stopped. So northern Indiana got flattened like a cotton shirt with an iron. (That was just a little bit of geographical info for you non-Hoosiers out there.) Anyway, I think it is cool to see flat land with prairie grass. It's VERY different from what we're used to. The campground there is new, there are only small saplings (if there are any trees at all) and it just feels like it is one big field. Big J and Little J weren't impressed.

Today we went out for a hike. We headed up to Shades State Park in western Indiana. We went there because Little J went there a couple of years ago with his Boy Scout troop and remembered one particular trail that he just loved. We discovered it today. Big J and Little J loved it. I, however, did not. I wouldn't be opposed to going camping there, but I didn't care for the trails. If we do camp there, I will probably stay back at the campsite and read or something. There are lots of very steep ravines where wooden stairs have been built. It is a lot of up and down some very long flights of stairs. And the foliage is so dense that there were very few wildflowers which is my main reason for hiking. All of that glute exercise and no wildflower sitings to show for it.

We did get some nice pictures though. I will post some tomorrow after church.

To help you cope with everyday life

2007-05-12T09:55:00.000-04:00

This photo was taken by my oldest son last weekend on our hiking/camping trip. Doesn't it just beg you to go out into the woods? I just love this photo.

Here are a couple more shots from the same trip:

A waterfall as seen from the cliff top above. What a vantage point, huh?

An old abandoned stone quarry in the middle of the woods.

Setting up camp back at the campsite. Car camping with three kids is a big production. I can't wait to have another free weekend and go back.

Camp cuisine

2007-05-07T17:33:00.000-04:00

Okay, here's my food recap from our camping trip last weekend.

Friday dinner:

We copped out on dinner on Friday. We didn't get down and get our camp set up until after 6:00, so we knew it would have to be a fast dinner. We really wanted to stay vegetarian as much as possible, but we just couldn't imagine a camping trip without hot dogs over the campfire. We didn't even consider the tofu dogs because we tried those last summer and they were Nasty (with a capital N!). So we just had hot dogs, vegetarian baked beans and potato chips with soft drinks. We followed it up with dessert - what else but smores.

Saturday breakfast:

Saturday morning we were up by 7am and we started the coffee. We've tried different things over the years, but we've found that the best option for camping coffee is Folger's Coffee Singles. We have a huge jug that we fill with water and keep at the campsite for cooking, washing dishes, brushing teeth, etc. We pour some water into a coffee pot and boil it on our propane stove. Pour the boiling water over the coffee singles and brew and we are good to go. For the boys we tried something new this year. We brought several bottles of bottled water and put some in our cooler with ice. I found some of those new "On the Go" packets that are flavorings you can add to bottled water. I bought the orange flavor that has extra vitamin C added. I added packets of that to some bottles of chilled water and the boys had orange drink for breakfast. They loved them and it was sooo easy. It was worth the slightly higher price to have something so easy to use (and it tastes good!).

I made a new concoction for breakfast. This wasn't really even a recipe. I just thought it up myself and threw some things together. In a cast-iron skillet I poured in some canola oil. I'd chopped an onion at home and brought it in a ziploc baggie. I threw the onion into the oil along with about 2/3 bag of frozen hash brown potatoes. It took a really long time, but I fried it up on one burner of the propane stove. (I almost never make fried foods so this was a real "treat" for my family. I wouldn't do it all the time.) Meanwhile, on the other burner I used a non-stick skillet with a little squeezable smart spread (butter-like spread in a bottle) to scramble 5 cage-free organic eggs I'd brought from home. I added a little salt and pepper to both the eggs and the potatoes. Little J used our dutch oven and some aluminum foil to warm up some flour tortillas. To serve, we put a little of the eggs and a little of the potatoes in each tortilla, added some bottled salsa, and rolled them up. We each had one "burrito" and it was delicious and filling.

Saturday lunch:

For lunch we kept it simple with PB&J sandwiches, leftover chips, and some apples I'd brought from home. (The apples weren't a hit though. When I told the kids I had apples, only one was interested. The other two looked at me like I'd sprouted an extra head.) We also had some leftover hot dogs that Big J, Little J, and I had.

Saturday dinner:

We were adventurous again for dinner. We used our dutch oven to make pizza. We lined it with aluminum foil and laid a small boboli bread inside the bottom. (Our dutch oven is so small that we had to get 8" crusts which made small pizzas. We had to make two to feed our crew and probably could have made 4 now that I think about it.) We put bottled pizza sauce on top and spread it around and then added shredded mozzarella cheese. On one of the pizzas I also added fresh mushrooms I'd brought from home. Next time I may try some other toppings as well. Anyway, to use the dutch oven, you put the lid on. You have heated charcoals on a flat base (we used the gravel near the firepit). You set the dutch oven on top of the hot coals and then use tongs to add more hot coals to the lid. You basically create an oven that surrounds the food with heat. You let it sit about 10 minutes or so, checking to see if the pizza is done. Be careful with this step! Our first pizza was perfect, but the second got a little burned on one side from being in a little too long. We finished off with the rest of the smores.

Sunday breakfast:

We made pancakes on our new cast-iron griddle which we used with our propane stove. I'd bought the plastic bottle of bisquick (not very green, I realize) because you add the water directly to the bottle and shake and the batter is ready. Then you just pour the batter from the bottle. We used our squeezable fake butter and a bottle of lite syrup and the same drinks as Saturday. Big J wanted some protein with breakfast so we had some Morning Star Farms sausage links that I cooked on the griddle. They were okay, but I could have done without.

This was a challenging trip because we all worked up to the last minute and had to try to plan around the rest of our lives. Later in the summer when I am not working, I can devote more time to planning our next trip(s). I am still looking for some *good* replacements for hot dogs and chips. Until I find something that works, we'll probably stick with them. :-(

The way it's supposed to be

2007-05-06T15:58:00.000-04:00

We just spent 3 days and 2 nights camping in the woods and Big J declared that this is the way it is supposed to be. We slowed down and shut out the outside world. No phones ringing, no TV's, no computer, no one coming to the door. Not really paying any attention to the time. Just hanging out with your family, attending to the very basics, and just being. He mentioned how after the first night you can just feel your metabolism slowing down and it is a great feeling. I think he put it very well and he hit on exactly what makes us keep going camping again and again. We long to get back to that feeling.

This weekend was so enjoyable. When we arrived Friday afternoon and started setting up camp, we realized the tent was really musty and probably hadn't been cleaned properly last summer before being stored away. But we didn't let that spoil our mood. We set it up and staked it down and opened all the windows to let it air out. We weren't too surprised that the family of raccoons who'd made their next in an old tree about 100 yards behind the campsite last summer had moved on. I think the kids were actually sorry they weren't there and they kept looking for them. However, we made a new friend. There was a large black crow who kept flying from one tree to another, making a large circle around the various campsites probably looking for dropped bits of food. He entertained us around the campfire that first night and Little J declared, "Nevermore!" From that time on we named him Edgar Allen Crow. Whenever we'd return from a hike, my five year old would ask, "Where's Edgar?"

I already posted about the hikes we took, but I forgot to mention one other fun thing we did on our very first hike. There is a creek that runs through the park. Part of it runs through a canyon of rock that has been worn away from years and years of erosion. There is a beautiful waterfall and hundreds of rocks along the creek edge. We climbed down the stairs to the creekbed and the boys leapt from rock to rock balancing and trying (unsuccessfully) to keep dry. Big J and I were reminded of the old video game Frogger.

We had a good time around the campsite too. We had lots and lots of campfires and burned lots of firewood. I tried to teach the 5yo how to toast marshmallows without burning them, but I don't think 5yo's are able to toast without burning. ;-) We ate way too many smores. We shared a book of campfire poems and made up a few silly stories. When it was still light outside Little J used a sling shot to practice aiming gravel at some of the trees behind our campsite. There was also an area with lots of trees but little undergrowth that made a perfect play area for the other two boys. They started off by saying it was Endor (as in Star Wars) and a couple of sticks were their light sabers. But a little while later they switched to pretending to catch Pokemon and I guess they were in the Pokemon world back there. They spent lots of time back there which really helped me out when I was busy trying to cook a meal.

At night time we slept so peacefully in our tent. It was surprisingly warm enough for us to have the windows unzipped all night both nights. There is nothing like lying there at 6am looking out at the trees which are just starting to become visible as the sun begins to rise. The birds start coming to life all at once. Sleeping on the ground isn't as easy for me as it used to be and I have to use an air mattress. But I am determined that I'm not going to stop doing this until I absolutely have to. I took my medicines to minimize the pain. I woke up stiff and a little sore in the morning, but it was so pleasant otherwise that I didn't let the discomfort bother me. Up and at 'em and some instant coffee got me going pretty quick.

I think I have one more post in me about our eating habits while camping and how we handled the vegetarian thing. But I'll have to wait a little bit before I get to that post. I still need to unpack. Stay tuned to my next post...